Sending hugs and strength. You must be a superwoman to cope with this rollercoaster and look after your other kids. How lucky they are to have such a good mummy.
I'll never forget leaving Ethan. He'd been on the ward with me for a day - I had to stay in for 3 days after giving birth with high bloodpressure, over Christmas, and when I could finally go home I didn't want to leave at all, but I was all over the place. We left the hospital and went into town shopping, then to the pub for lunch... anywhere but home. When we did finally face up and go home we just sat and cried and that first night in bed with no baby was just awful, but it did get a bit more 'normal' as each day went on. Just think how strong they are getting each hour on the neonatal.
Good luck, hope you have them home really soon x