1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking. 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 6. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group. 7. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case Coincidence?!?!? 8. Two hands and just one mouth now THAT'S a drinking problem. 9. Every woman you see has an exact twin. 10. You fall off the floor 11. Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! 12. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 13. Every night you're beginning to find your neighbours cat more and more attractive 14. I'm not drunk you're just sober!! 15. Roseanne looks good 16. You don't recognise your wife unless seen from the bottom of a glass. 17. That dammned pink elephant followed me home again. 18. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store. 19. You've fallen and can't get up. 20. The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.