2015 MARCH-MALLOWS... Due in March 2015!! Come join us!

[mommasquirrel]

MrsK: I totally understand about how people assume I know nothing about babies since this is my first. I try my best to not get angry but sometimes I just want to smack people.

 

[MrsKChicago]

Yeah, it's frustrating. I haven't gotten it too badly in general, I think I'm just extra cranky this week. I would think that the people who know me best would know me well enough to know that I'm aware of the possible complications, though.

 

[NellyLou]

Happy V Day, Foxy! Great bump!

My hubby can finally feel the baby move on the outside too. I don't know if he's flipped, but he suddenly feels so much stronger. I'm getting pretty big kicks!

Wondering what it's like for other second time moms. I am planning on taking my daughter out of daycare so she can be with me while I'm on mat leave. It seems that's not the norm here. A lot of moms keep their older kids in daycare while they are on maternity leave. My feeling is that this is my last baby, and will be my last maternity leave. I will never have this chance to be with my daughter again. But I'm getting a lot of flack from other moms I know who are basically saying I won't be able to handle a baby and a toddler at the same time. If they want to send their kids to daycare while they are on maternity leave, that is fine. It's just not for me.

 

[frenchie35]

Nelly, I agree, if I were in your shoes I would take advantage of that time to bond with my daughter. I have a friend who's a dentist who worked as long as she could so that she could take most of her leave after the birth of her 2nd child. She said she loved having the new baby, but it was even better to share that time with her 2 year-old instead of sending her to daycare. It really helped with the adjustment and possible jealousy.

 

[twinkie2]

Don't SAHMs handle newborns and toddlers? Why wouldn't you be able to do it short term while on mat leave? I'm sure some things would be easier, but at the same time, so many memories to be made with your daughter with the new baby if she's with you. I'd totally ignore what others are saying about keeping her in daycare while you are on maternity leave Nelly. Everyone else always thinks they know what is best for you and your kids just because that's what their own opinion is.

 

[CoffeePuffin]

I'll have a toddler and baby 24/7 for at least 6 months after baby is born because DD doesn't get free childcare until she's 3 (and childcare is too expensive, especially with only hubby working). It'll be tough adjusting to looking after two kids, I'm sure. But I like that DD will get to share that special time with the newborn. I want her to be as involved as possible so she doesn't feel jealous. I imagine she'd feel pushed out if a new baby arrived and we sent her off to daycare.

 

[NellyLou]

Thanks ladies! I know it will be hard, but so many moms do it, and all moms used to do it. Obviously it's possible. I just can't imagine sending my daughter away while I'm at home with her brother. Preschool for an hour a couple of times a week, sure, but not daycare. I also will work as close to my due date as possible. I want the max amount of time off to be with my kids

 

[MrsKChicago]

I don't blame you for keeping her home. I also wouldn't blame you for sending her out a couple times a week to get a break, but it makes sense to me to keep her home for the most part, for bonding and financial reasons.

So, this question has the potential to get ugly, but hopefully everyone will behave more in our little community than they do in general threads. I've been putting it off since our gender scan, but it's time to face the circumcision discussion. DH is in favor of doing it, has no complaints about being circumcised, but hasn't done much research yet. I have qualms about it - I wouldn't get my infant daughter's ears pierced, so why would I cut off a piece of my son without a very compelling reason? And it doesn't sound like a very fun introduction to the world, you know? But, DH is the one with the penis, he's let me have the final word on a lot of baby decisions, and I do feel like he's more of the authority on the subject. I think I'll let him have final say, but only after we both do some serious research on pros and cons.

Anyone else made a decision or have any thoughts? Any good resources that aren't totally inflammatory and biased? I've heard the book The Circumcision Decision is good, and I think we'll talk to the midwife about it at our next appointment, or at least find out if there's a time when the midwives usually bring it up. I am not looking forward to this, this is part of the reason I was hoping for a girl

 

[NellyLou]

We won't be circumcising, but then my DH isn't and I think a lot of hospitals around here actually don't allow it unless it's for medical reasons - atleast that was the case for my nephew. I feel the same - I won't pierce my daughter's ears until she's 5 or 6 and asks for it (she has already asked, but at 2 I don't think she understands that it will hurt lol). I think circumcision is being much less common though, besides when it's done for religious/cultural reasons. My sister was a nurse and the one time she fainted was when she attended the circumcision of a baby. I think it's a more common discussion now because there are more people choosing not to do it. Although as with ear piercing, if parents choose to do it, I'm not going to look down on them or think badly of them ... I just can't do it. The vaccinations they get are difficult enough lol!

 

[Teilana]

I have done my research and I have told DH that I am against it. I'm sorry but as a ftm I don't want to have to deal with making sure an open wound that's going to get covered in pee and poo stays clean in addition to figuring out everything else. That's kind of my main reasoning in addition to everything else about it.

 

[MrsKChicago]

Any kids I have are welcome to get pierced when they're mature enough to do their own ear maintenance Kids are hard enough without having to rotate their earrings and swab them with antiseptic stuff every day!

I know what you mean. Piercing and circumcision are both common enough that I can't judge someone for choosing them. And I know there can be a lot of very significant cultural and religious factors at play. But since we have neither of those factors weighing on us, it just comes down to practicality, you know? I know my mom regrets having my brother circumcised, and it was much more common 35 years ago, but my brother clearly doesn't mind because he had my nephew circumcised.

I just don't know. I know what my decision would be if it was just up to me, but this is really one of those big issues where both parents need to be on board. And it's not like there's some way to meet halfway! Maybe the hospital will refuse and I won't have to worry about it! At least with the vaccinations, hard as that will be to watch, I'll know there's a very important benefit.

 

[NellyLou]

Yeah, I think it was just super common when we were born. Hospitals pushed to have it done then and it was the norm. Now it's not considered medically necessary unless there are issues. Some hospitals here won't do it at all, and others will do it but charge a fairly hefty price. It's a difficult decision, and really should parents be the ones to decide this for their kids? (religious and cultural reasons aside)

 

[missfrick]

Yikes what a hard decision indeed! For us, it was easy, if it was a boy, because we're Jewish and we believe in it. But for those who aren't religious/their religion doesn't specifically prescribe circumcision, it can be very difficult. All I can say is this: do loads of research on BOTH the pros and cons, and then make the decision that is best for you. Without being biased, some things to consider would be: if your hubby is circ'd will your son wonder why his penis looks different, and if he asks does it matter to you/your OH?; what are the medical benefits/medical issues; are you prepared to do all of the proper cleaning/maintenance during the healing?

I want to get Squiggles' ears pierced quite early, because I feel that I don't remember when I was a baby, so anything done around that time is sort of out of their minds. However, I also think it should be her decision, and I don't want to needlessly inflict pain, so I think we'll probably wait until just before she starts school, or if she starts asking. I got mine pierced at 4 and remember it very well. But also, it's true, it's a lot of cleaning and rotating on a very small lobe, and they won't understand why their ear hurts since they can't grasp the idea of piercing at 6 months old.

 

[NellyLou]

MissFrick, that was my original idea for my dd. I was going to get her ears pierced early because mine were done early. Most of the girls in my family had their ears pierced by 3 months. But then we took her for her first vaccinations and I bawled... I knew then that I could not do it lol. Also, mine were done as a baby, and I have very small lobes, so obviously smaller then. Now my earring holes are at a weird location on my lobes :S

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

My DS is in school already and I don't mind that he won't be there with me all day, everyday. I will still have tons of time with him & the baby but will also have an opportunity to have 1 on 1 time. I also think DS would probably feel more left out if he was home all day with me and my attention was more on the baby (especially at the beginning). That being said, I'm not sure how I would feel about it if DS was in care, not school. I do plan on keeping him home with us for the summer though! I probably would keep him home but do care part-time so he had a chance to do stuff on his own. Really, it's up to you! And you can always change your mind if it isn't working exactly how you expected.

For circumcision, we didn't. Again, it is a personal decision but we didn't feel the pros outweighed the cons and DH is not. We have friends who did it with no issue and we have friends who did with terrible results. We also know someone whose parents didn't do it and then ended up having to get it done later in life (for medical reasons) and he wished they had done it when he was a baby....

For our friends who had their son circumcised with terrible results- they could have avoided all the badness had the parents taken proper care of the wound.

So, my only real input on the topic is to make sure if you do decide to get it done that you follow proper care instructions.

 

[MrsKChicago]

For what it's worth, I had mine pierced when I turned 9. It wasn't fun, but I was old enough at that point to know that I was in pain for a reason, and I'd wanted pierced ears long enough to make the pain worth it. And I was old enough to know to be careful about getting my earrings caught on stuff. I doubt a little baby would remember the experience and be traumatized for life or anything, but don't be afraid that she'll have a hard time with the pain if you get her pierced later. I hate needles and sharp things, and my lobes at 9 and cartilage at 17 were both manageable.

 

[MrsKChicago]

Just got a call from the midwife, and no gestational diabetes! Woohoo! I was really worried about that one...

 

[mommasquirrel]

Before we got pregnant we talked about babies and the topic of circumcision came up. I'm on the side where if it's not medically necessary then why have it done at all. I grew up in a household where everyone wasn't and the first time I saw a man without his foreskin I thought it was accidentally cut off. It shocked me. I didn't understand why someone would mutilate themselves. Of course, time went on and I became more educated and found it that many people do it for religious/cultural reasons. Also that there was a huge push during the Vietnam war since the men were in a very wet environment they were more apt to getting infections. It became more common as these men came home and wanted their children to look the same. Hospitals started doing it routinely as well. Now we are in a time where people are more educated and find it a more and more appalling procedure for a newborn. I've read stories about mistakes and mishaps as well as issues with aftercare. Many new moms are also pressured into making the decision because everyone in the family had it done so why be different.
The other side was from my husband. He wanted any sons to be circumcised. I being curious, asked why. His answer made me angry but then I went on to educate him and show him what could happen if something went wrong. His main issue was being made fun of while he was a child and young adult. His identical twin had it done but he was untouched. His mother did it to tell them apart. After a full year of talking to him about it he and I stopped talking about it.
Just a few months ago, after we got our positive HPT. I asked him about it. He said we wouldn't have it done because he can't stomach the thought that his decision could harm our baby. It made me happy because I don't want to alter this little perfect being inside of me.
There are pros/cons to anything and everything but for me, I don't see a valid enough reason to inflict pain and to cut off a piece of my child after birth. I will leave that decision up to them when they become an adult.
After saying all of this, I don't judge other parents if they have it done. I just know what is right for me and my little family.
Although, if you ar having misgivings about having it done you should defin speak up to your OH. You will have plenty of people to support your decision whatever it may be.

Also, hoping I did not offend anyone in my semi-rant.

 

[frenchie35]

It's an easy decision for us: DH isn't circumcised and I think hardly anyone is in France. I agree with missfrick that a boy looking like daddy (or even like his classmates that he could be in a locker room situation with) is a primary reason to snip or not to snip. Even though all the men in my family are circumcised (like someone said, it used to be standard practice not too long ago in the US) that isn't as important to me as how DH feels: he's the one that will be him teaching about his penis!

I am shocked to see Christians defending circumcision so adamantly, especially since I was raised and currently am a practicing protestant. The traditional Bible in no way requires or even recommends circumcision. Maybe it's more of a puritanical feeling about cleanliness. I have to admit that I am ignorant to why other cultures/religions other than Judaism circumcise their little lads.

I had my ears pierced at 14. I don't really remember feeling left out or less cool before then. I think it became a part of me becoming a young woman and going to high school. I guess I will wait and see how interested DD is in earrings before I discuss with DH when she can get it done.

 

[MrsKChicago]

OMG, she had one twin circumcised to tell them apart? That's the craziest reasoning I've ever heard!

DH knows how I feel and is willing to research it further. It's just so strange to me that he's in favor of it. He generally feels very strongly about avoiding unnecessary medical procedures. He's completely in agreement with my views of low interference prenatal care. He's more wary of some vaccines than I am (not the big ones, but some of the more obscure ones). I had to really push and get the midwife on my side just to get him to get a flu shot this year. His career, which he's very passionate about, is working with pets in a veterinary office that relies heavily on alternative therapies (physical therapy, acupuncture, herbal medicines) etc to try to avoid unnecessary western medicine procedures. And yet, his automatic response to circumcision is to just do it? I don't understand...