i just wanted to word this. december 10th. today i went to see you on that screen. i looked at that screen but you weren't there. the midwife said to me ''i'm sorry, its not good news'' and that wad it, i broke down. that was at 7.30am. and i havent had an hour without tears sinse. i'm still carrying my bean, though not alive. you'll leave me on sunday. i kinda dont want that to happen. i know i'll have babies in the future. but i wanted YOU bean. i cant eat, i cant sleep i cant move, i'm just numb and feeling dead inside. i only knew of my bean for 5 weeks, and every day was a blessing, i loved you already, i would have given ANYTHING for you to be born healthy in july. today was 8 weeks 10 is xmas eve :'( i was so happy. bean, you were not with me long, but you'll forever be in my heart. i have no idea how to get through this. i had depression for years before this, but i'm feeling my lowest ever now. i know this is probably pathetic. but i just need to vent.