:'(

[veganmum2be]

i just wanted to word this.

december 10th.
today i went to see you on that screen.
i looked at that screen but you weren't there.
the midwife said to me ''i'm sorry, its not good news''
and that wad it, i broke down.
that was at 7.30am. and i havent had an hour without tears sinse.
i'm still carrying my bean, though not alive.
you'll leave me on sunday.
i kinda dont want that to happen.
i know i'll have babies in the future.
but i wanted YOU bean.

i cant eat, i cant sleep i cant move, i'm just numb and feeling dead inside.
i only knew of my bean for 5 weeks, and every day was a blessing, i loved you already, i would have given ANYTHING for you to be born healthy in july.

today was 8 weeks
10 is xmas eve :'(
i was so happy.

bean, you were not with me long, but you'll forever be in my heart.



i have no idea how to get through this.
i had depression for years before this, but i'm feeling my lowest ever now.
i know this is probably pathetic.
but i just need to vent.

 

[SmileyShazza]

Awww hun if it helps you then get it all out. We are all here and we understand what hyou are going through. We will never forget our beans no matter how long they were with us

 

[~BumpyRide~]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I had a July bean too, and today is turning into a particularly dark day for me as well. Please keep venting and know you're not alone, no matter how much it feels like you are. Take care.

 

[Serene123]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss x

 

[hannah76]

so sorry for your loss

 

[Klandagi]

*hugs* I lost my firefly too... I'm so sorry.

 

[Drazic<3]

Let it all out darling, however and whenever you need to. I have suffered with depression for years but known nothing like this ache. However, I promise whilst right now it feels it will never get better - it will. You will have up and down days and your baby will always be in your heart, but the pain will ease hunny.

 

[Diggydog]

So sorry for your loss, xxxx

 

[fluffyblue]

Aww hun what lovely words amongst so much pain you really did love that little one didnt ya.

It will get easier hunni but just make sure you are ready physically and emotionally for your treatment.

You will get through it and dont feel guilty about penning anysort of emotion, words, feelings etc thats what we are all here for.

Just take your time xxxx

 

[I want a bump]

so sorry to hear of your loss hun - sending you massive hugs xxx

 

[veganmum2be]

thnks.
i'm not ready emotianally for treatment.
i know today when i go into the maternity day unit.
its going to be full of pregnant women waiting for their scans.
all with bumps. like yesterday.
and my bean is dead and i'm there to take the first pill to remove my bean from my womb.

i really ain't coping with this.
my oh hasn't said a word to me sinse we found out.
no one knows what to say.
i just want to die.

 

[Drazic<3]

I felt exactly the same hun. Sitting there with happy smiling women knowing my baby is dead. BUT, you are now at the worst place. I didn't start to cope until all the medical procedure was over, but then things started to get better. It is a month today since my ERPC - and I honestly thought I would never smile again, or be happy. I am not happy all the time, I drink too much and eat too much and sometimes I just want to die too so I curl into a ball and cry. But the gaps between those times start to get bigger, you start to get stronger. I promise it gets better. Don't be alone.