17 angels but there is hope
firstly let me say i do not in any way want to hurt or offend anyone nor am i on here to gloat, a few people know my story and they have all said it gave them hope so i wanted to tell you about it. hurting anyone or making your pain worse is not my intention as i have felt the devastation of losing 17 babies one after the other over the last 6 years. for the last 4 years i have been in hospital on my birthday having miscarriages and d&c's and last year was a ten week ectopic so i know your pain only too well.
i have 3 children aged 15, 14 and 11 then i got sterilised due to being in a violent relationship. a few years later i met my husband and decided to try for a reversal a year after we were married. i was assured it had all gone well and we began to try immediately. within a month i was pregnant and we were elated but it was short lived and my babies heart stopped at 8 weeks, we were told it was natures practice run and encouraged to try again and we did. however we systematically lost 16 pregnancies and were never given any answers as to why. they all died between 8 and 12 weeks. all had heartbeats and all normal in development. i was severely depressed and ended up having a breakdown and we nearly divorced due to the situation. i named all of my babies. june/july last year we once again found out i was pregnant. we decided that we would see how things went and not go for scans or anything as i could not stand the devastation of the look they give you when telling you the bad news. everything went fine until 21st august when i was ten weeks, i just didn't feel right, no pain, no bleeding just a feeling. i went A&E that night and they took my blood and told me come back the next morning for a scan. i arrived the next day after suffering extreme pain that morning and was met by the doctor who told me my hormone levels were great and there was nothing to indicate a problem except for my white blood count was up indicating an infection that they would give me antibiotics for when i had had my scan. this gave me some reassurance and i went in for my scan. however the womb was empty. at ten weeks there should have something to see but there wasn't so i had to have my tubes scanned and sure enough there was a ten week foetus in my tube but my tube had basically exploded with the growth and i was immediately rushed to theatre.
when i came round my husband and i were told i had lost so much blood i had nearly died, i had been in theatre for 3 hours and had lost my tube but they couldn't understand why or why i was so ill. i was devastated. as were my husband and children, i looked dead due to the blood loss and being so ill. a few weeks later i was sent to have a dfye put through my existing tube to be told there was extensive damage and my chances were slim. we decided to stop there and move on as my body and mind could not take any more.
2 days before xmas day i got the familiar feeling of being pregnant and did a test xmas day. i was pregnant. i was devastated but happy. i resigned myself to the fact that when we went for the scan on 5th jan they would tell me the familiar sentence of we're sorry but...
they didn't.
i was scanned evry week in the early pregnancy unit till i was ten weeks, in the meantime they did some tests, simple blood tests and found out something that could have saved me the years of heartache and pain of losing my angels, i was diagnosed with graves disease. this is an autoimmune disease that basically caused my antibodies in my body that are designed to protect against colds and things( they fight the infection) to actually attack the foetuses and kill them as they saw them as being an infection. they immediately put me on PTU a medication to help this. the antibodies began to attack my thyroid and i developed thyrotoxicosis instead which means my thyroid is being destroyed instead. i made it past 12 weeks and was scanned evry week. at 26 weeks my meds were reduced and i am now 32 weeks. baby is fine. i will be poorly after the birth but and have been so ill throughout the pregnancy with weight loss and hyperemesis, ketoacidosis and nearly went into a coma at one point but its worth it. i have to have a planned c-section and the baby will more than likely have a few thyroid problems after birth but these will only be mild and wear off by 6 weeks. i have defied the medical experts and i cannot breastfeed due to the meds, i am also high risk throughout and will more than likely have early labour rather than meet my c-section date.
every week was a milestone and i just wanted to let you know there is hope. i will always have graves disease but it can be controlled and it is possible to have a baby even after the losses i had. as i said i am not here to gloat or to hurt or upset anyone but please remember it can happen. my thoughts are with you all and i understand your pain and wish i could help you all through it
i am sorry if i offend anyone, it was not my intention, if you have any questions please contact me
thankyou and blessings to you all
xx
, They started investigations after my 2nd only because I had my thyroid removed. My first was a MMC @ 9 weeks, second was a chemical but confirmed by the EPU.
