3 Months and still not great

[Faith2781]

It's been 3 months! 18th October I had methetrexate for my ectopic. For the first month or so I was OK, just getting on with it, weekly blood tests, in and out of EPAU. The moment I was discharged from hospital it hit like a ton of bricks and I went on Fluexetine (anti depressants). I spent the whole of the latter months of 2010 feeling so sick, run down, just sleeping though my weekends, I barely talked to my grandparents cos they didn't know and I didn't want to have to explain why I sound down.

Christmas was really good, and New Years Day I went cold turkey on my anti depressants, decided I didn't want to take them after 6 weeks I was feeling better.

Yesterday I crashed! I am so angry I can't even tell anyone what is making me feel like this as I really don't know, so many little niggly things that are winding me up and I just cannot keep my temper. Had to go back on the tablets.

Does anyone else find this happening? Just hitting you like a ton of bricks after so long?

Don't get me wrong, I think of my baby every day, it's always in the back of my mind day and night. But I thought I was over the main bulk of grief

 

[xSamanthax]

I hasn't been 3 month for me yet but i didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry for you loss Its only been nearly 2 weeks for me, but i honestly think i have been coping well, i cried for the first 2~3 days and then the rest of the days have kinda been good days (i've been trying to act normal for my 6yr old daughter) but then like today i have a bad day, i went shopping for a bit of retail therapy and of course all i kept seeing was newborns, and baby clothes everywhere, i went in one shop saw the baby section and i just burst into tears i stood in the middle of the store crying my eyes out

To me it sounds like you have been really strong and we are all allowed our bad days, i honestly can say i think years from now i will still have bad days.

Sending you lots of hugs hun.

 

[KateC]

I'm not yet 3 months along (more like 6 weeks since I got my bad news).

I will say this, though, I started out dealing with my miscarriage really well. I cried for a couple of days, then started getting on with it. But as the weeks wore on, I got more and more depressed. It got so bad that I couldn't get myself into work. I could barely get myself out of bed in the morning. If I hadn't had my daughter to take care of, I wouldn't have gotten up at all.

In this time, I stopped taking care of myself, and that only made it worse. I stopped exercising and eating well. I stopped seeing the people I love. I just isolated myself and treated my body like crap.

I see a therapist, and one day, I just lost it with her and cried and cried. She told me that I probably just hadn't let go yet, and that I hadn't allowed myself to feel my loss completely, and that trying to move on too quickly can backfire sometimes.

Part of me thinks it's just psych mumbo-jumbo, but part of it makes sense. Since then, I've been trying to allow myself to grieve when I need to. I have had my closure of my D&C. I have started taking care of my body again (and my mind follows).

My only practical advice is to let yourself feel however you feel, but to try very hard to take good care of yourself. Do all the anti-depressive lifestyle changes that you can. Eat omega-3 supplements. Exercise. Let the sun shine on your skin every day. Socialize. All of this can help make your mind healthy again.

I'm sorry you've been so down. I hope it gets better.

 

[cowboys angel]

Darling, it's been over 2 and a half years since one of my m/c's and 7 months since my other. I still think about them a lot, and cry at times. I agree with KateC though, try very hard to take care of yourself.

Exercise is a great idea, helps a lot. And if you don't feel up to socializing, do it anyway! Not saying throw a party, but have a "date" night with your OH (If you are with someone), even at home watching a movie, have someone watch your daughter. Talk to people on here. Go for a walk. It all sounds like it wouldn't help I know, but trust me, it does.

 

[KateC]

Yes. Sometimes, the things that seem the very hardest are the very most helpful (like getting out of the house for a walk or cooking a healthy dinner or getting up the guts to see a friend again). The harder it is to take these steps, the more you probably need to do it.

Sending strength and support to help you take whatever healthy steps it takes to help get you feeling better.

 

[fides]

i miscarried about two weeks after you did, and the roller coaster sounds pretty similar to my own. November sucked eggs, so did most of December, i thought i was starting to move on during the Christmas season, but after the twelfth day of Christmas was over this month, bam - back to the bottom. i even had a baby shower to go to that weekend, to make things all the more pleasant. i also thought i was over the majority of it, but then, these past few weeks have just been up and down.

you're not alone.

 

[cowboys angel]

Nope. You are never alone. There are plenty of people on this site who understand and are here for you, plus all your "real life" friends and family.

 

[Faith2781]

Thank you for all your responses, sorry it took so long to come back online to read them all. I am now firmly back on the anti-depressants and have promised my doctor to take them properly - i.e. 3-6 months then come off slowly not cold turkey.

They are giving me a blood test on Monday as they think I may have something wrong that's giving me fatigue and causing me to catch all these bugs going round. If it comes back all clear that's good, if there is an underlying condition they can treat it.

Thanks again