35 and over and ltttc for baby #2 for over 2.5yrs!

[Wish4another1]

Braven - Big to you... I hate reading how down you are feeling... I know you say that 16lbs doesn't make a difference BUT IT DOES!!!!!!!!
don't look at the mountain - look at the steps in front of you... take one day at a time - one food choice - one exercise choice at a time...
You are making a difference...
It is so hard when you want a baby and it seems every thing out there is against you...
Please know that just because you feel that way doesn't make it true. Our feelings really dupe us sometimes...
You will have another baby... I don't know how or the method... but one step at a time you get closer...
Much love dear. Keep your chin up - You are doing what you need to do one pound at time...


AFM: finally neg OPK with FMU... never so glad to see a faint line !! haha

Have a great weekend everyone!!

 

[tommyg]

Braven 16 lb isn't an insignificant amount. Wish has given you fantastic advice take it a step at a time.
You didn't pile it on overnight and it won't come off overnight. But it did go on and will come off. Keep your chin up and show that Doc your are a lady with determination.

Wish in the 2ww at long last, fingers crossed, by the sounds of things you managed to time things well. Good luck.

 

[eyemom]

Braven so sorry you are feeling down. Big hugs to you. You are doing awesome with the weight loss. 16 comes before 100 or whatever is healthy and reasonable. Be proud of mini milestones. Thanks for popping in.

Ooh wish hope you get a nice high temp in the morning. Sounds like you did great with your timing dtd. Hoping and praying your next faint (or not) line is on a hpt!

Hi tommy hope you're doing great.

I'm starting to feel the clock ticking on my maternity leave. I go back two weeks from tomorrow. I've been pumping a little to start a small stash before going to work. I really hate pumping...I find it so stressful. But I'll keep on with it. I do fine once I get a let down, but it takes a lot of convincing for my body to let down for the pump.

 

[tommyg]

Oh Eyemom sending you hugs. I don't know how you ladies cope being forced back to work after just 2 months. It's an unbelievably short period of time.

Daft question does the US have a minimum period ladies must take?
One of the UKs oldest pieces of employment law is ladies aren't allowed to do factory work within 4 weeks of giving birth.
A later piece of law says other work is a minimum of 2 weeks.
But in reality the vast majority of ladies take at least 6 months of.

 

[momwithbabies]

Wow! 6 months would be a dream. I'm not an expert on this, but I believe the soonest they can release you is 6 weeks. Again, I'm not sure.

AFM, things aren't going the best. My husband and I are not on the best terms after I finally brought up our problems last night. My husband is a workaholic and rarely wants to have sex. I probably went about it the wrong way, but I said everything I wanted to say...you work all of the time/when you are at home, you are checking email or playing a game/you give 100% at work, but your family never sees you/when I want to have sex, you blame me for wanting a baby/your once a month of wanting sex is tough on me/all we talk is "hi" and "bye"/I feel like we are growing apart.

I know I was harsh, but I'm done. And what really pisses me off is that after I told him, he went straight to sleep. He didn't say anything. He literally went to sleep, while I cried myself to sleep. I'm livid!!! I don't know what the next step is, since he didn't say anything or even call me a bitch! WTH? I would have least liked to have a fight, lol! I'm worried ladies. I love my husband too much, so it hurts that it seems like he doesn't care.

 

[Wish4another1]

MWB - ugh so sorry to hear about your one sided conversation... marriage is so tough!!! maybe try again when everyone is awake and not in bed... I don't know... me and the DH have had some serious rows lately... maybe its the time of year or something... I will be praying for some wisdom for you on when to approach him again - and hoping he will actually talk to you...

Tommy - the army gives you 6 weeks, 8 weeks if its a C-section... but I have heard of people going back to work within two weeks in the civlian world - they don't get paid for time off so they have to go back... so sad... any symptoms Tommy??? are you going to test? I don't remember if you do or not... but my FX are still crossed for you...

eyemom - could you tape LO's hungry cry on your phone for when you are pumping? sometimes that would help my milk let down (the baby crying) I don't know... just trying to think of something that would make pumping less stressful for you... two weeks ugh... time is so short at home... here's to hoping you can enjoy every single moment

orchid - hope you are enjoying your "home" time!!

Lanet - I sneaked over and saw your latest bump pic - you are looking good lady - I hope you have been able to get some sleep...

to everyone else!!

 

[eyemom]

Thanks tommy. I don't know what I'd do even if I lived somewhere with a lot of paid leave because too much time away and I'd lose my clientele. I'm trying to be thankful that I actually get more time this time, and I am, but it's still really hard. I never thought I'd be cut out to be a SAHM, but I really envy them. When I was a student and making all kinds of life choices regarding education and career, I didn't know my future self very well.

It's not a daft question. I'm honestly not aware of any minimum period ladies must take, but Drs can write notes saying moms should not return to work until however many weeks pp. Especially for moms recovering from csxn, or another example, my friend who had a 4th degree tear. Her Dr said don't go back for at least 9 weeks.

Here, our jobs are protected for 12 weeks because of the Family and Medical Leave Act. It's not just for pp moms. But that's not 12 weeks paid. A lot (if not most?) women use their vacation days, then short term disability insurance IF they have it. Many, many women can't afford to take that much time off.

mwb, big big to you. I'm like you, if I bring something up, I want to have it out right then and there so at least it's not hanging over my head. I think DH and I have a pretty healthy relationship, but I've definitely cried myself to sleep over stuff more than once. Hope he just needed to digest and reflect a little, and by taking the time he can come back and discuss rationally. All that stuff can take its toll, but throw lttc on top of it all, and that's a recipe for a lot of stress on a relationship. Praying stuff works out soon. Update us if you get to talk about it more with him?

Wish, yeah, there are some things I can try that I haven't done yet. With DD1, I had no trouble pumping at first. I let down easily and I pumped a LOT. Until my cycles returned and that's when I couldn't let down, or it would at best take forever to get one. I discovered it was after ovulation and until my period was in full swing that I'd have this trouble. Then as I was into the new cycle, I'd be fine again until I ovulated again. I tried a number of things: looking at her picture, looking at pictures of her actually nursing, bringing her jammies to smell, etc. I think after a while though it became more of a mind game. I get kind of wound up about stuff, so I quickly turned into a big ball of stress: Did I let down yet? No? Now? Now? Now have I let down yet? Still no? Will I get a let down????? And so on. Plus I know this isn't healthy, but I put too much of my worth as a mom on being able to continue with the breast milk especially since I'm not physically WITH my baby so much. And when I'm stressing about it, that's kind of counter productive, but I just CAN NOT clear my head. I found a couple of things that worked out for me before though. I'd call my parents or somebody on the phone to just shoot the breeze, and I'd letdown the minute I got distracted. Or I'd have to manually stimulate my nipples to let down. That's what I'm doing already. It makes me nervous for a couple of reasons: 1) I don't want to have to resort to these tactics from the start because it may just get harder the longer I've been pumping. And 2) WHAT IF it's like this because I've already ovulated???? That I should know within a week or so at least. There's a chance though I'll find it all easier doing it at work instead of at home right next to a baby who isn't even hungry. Anyway, thanks for the help and the kind words.

 

[eyemom]

OH and lanet happy maternity leave to you!

 

[tommyg]

I felt the need to double check my info it was the Factory Act of 1891 states a minimum of 4 weeks rising to 11weeks in 1893. So just over 120 years ago factory workers, who tbh worked in fairly harsh conditions, had marginally better maternity rights than the US currently does. Albeit those ladies wouldn't have been paid or have maternity pay.
Our maternity pay is about £130 per week for 9 mths. And currently mums have the right to 12 mths off.

MWB Sorry your chat with DH didn't go well. I'm guessing DH is fairly stressed with work so nagging wife either gets ignored or just adds to his stress levels. I think the way to deal with him is to see if he can reduce his work load or at least switch the blackberry off on his days off.
DH and I are both guilty of not interacting enough and playing electronic games. DHs is getting trivial pursuit and star wars monopoly (if I can get my hands on it) for Christmas. In an attempt to adjust the balance a little bit.

Wish no signs for me yet. I'm only 6 dpo so too early. I want to hold of testing as long as I can. I'd rather not know about any chemicals.
Are you feeling hopeful?

Eyemom how quickly did you ovulate the last time I was about 9 mths before I had a period after AF. Hope you manage to express. I've a friend who swears by her Melba Swing pump hope I've that name right.

Hello everybody else.

 

[eyemom]

I ovulated about 3.5 mos pp before. So this would be extraordinarily early but I suppose not impossible. Me stressing about it is probably the issue.

My friend I mentioned before with the 4th degree tear was on her period when she went back to work at 9 weeks. She BFed on demand around the clock too. Kind of a rip off.

 

[lanet]

Thanks eyemom. And I will be back to work when they are 8 weeks old. That's the plan anyway. I got a medella double electric pump thanks to insurance. I have a lactation consult in jan, I hope im able to pump! I didn't have much luck with dd, but I had a manual pump.
Wish thanks, I've had a huge growth spurt, was measuring 34 weeks at my last appt
Tommy, orchid, braven, hi, hope all is well.

 

[eyemom]

I had a Medela pump in style advance with dd1 (the double electric but not hands free). That one I bought myself. Went ahead and got another bc I could free with insurance. I was going to save the new one, but I've been using it. It's nice to have a backup and extra parts. It's a good pump I think you'll do well with it. I like that there are so many accessories and parts to help troubleshoot most issues. The lactation consultants that were at your hospital when I was there are awesome and so helpful. I called many times for free over the phone advice too. If you get a lady named Robin, she's a distant cousin and church friend.

 

[eyemom]

Oh and lanet I just remembered. I can't remember her name, but there was a woman there who breastfed twins herself. So it's also nice if you get someone who actually knows from experience.

 

[eyemom]

Asked a friend...her name is Melissa.

 

[lanet]

Thanks! I've got a nice twin nursing pillow, and I'm determined to succeed!

 

[Wish4another1]

Lanet - your attitude is so great about BF twins!! I know with determination you can take on whatever comes!! it will be hard but well worth your efforts 27 weeks!! and yes congrats on maternity leave... I hope you are able to get lots of rest in the upcoming weeks and prepare prepare prepare!!!

Eyemom - isn't it funny how stress just kills our ability to do things we should be able to do??? ugh... that was a good idea about calling someone to talk whilest pumping - to take your mind off of it... I remember pumping at work one time and my pump broke and I had to express by hand it worked but I felt weird about it (and mad that my stupid pump had broke)
back then we were wearing our dress uniforms to work everyday and any sign of leakage was very very visable (and embarrasing) but now we wear the camo to work and it would be easier to disguise...

tommy - good for you for not testing... and yes you are right it is too early for that anyway... I am so hopefuly for you that this is it!! Christmas for you!!!

AFM: no not hopeful at all... I am beginning to believe I did not ovulate this cycle (and I am not going to) my temps are crap... I don't have creamy CM (AT ALL) ... If I take out the two temps I took while hunting (sleeping in different clothes, waking up at different times, etc) I can make cross hairs but there just aren't any real signs... I go to the doctor tomorrow for my 21 day p check... I guess I will know once the test is done... it is what it is... trying to not get down about it - I think most women have cycles they don't ovulate (even on clomid) my body is wonky!!!

 

[lanet]

Don't give up on bd in case you o late wish!

 

[Srbjbex]

Hi everyone. Ive been following this thread and reading your stories for a while and I would love to join you if you will have me. I find it so hard to talk about secondary infertility as it seems all my friends are happily onto baby number 2 already! So don't know where to turn. We have a gorgeous DS who is two and we have been trying for #2 since he was about 9 months.

Had our tests done last month. My hormone tests came back fine but OHs SA was not great. Count is 4 million and morphology 2%.

Feel like we're fighting a losing battle and we will never have another! Just looking for others going through the same really and secondary infertility is a whole mixed bag of emotions!

 

[tommyg]

Hello and welcome to the thread.
A couple of the ladies are also experiencing male problems which take a different set of issues. However generally people do not understand the stress of 2ndry infertility and come out with stupid comments.
Have they suggested what steps you should be taking?

 

[chedge86]

Hi Ladies!! Sorry to jump in on this thread. I happened to come across the link in another thread, so I hope it's okay to post.

I'm 28 and DH is 29. We have a DD who will be 6 in March. We had no problem at all getting pregnant with her. We have been TTC # 2 for almost 3 years. For the 1st year my OB acted like it was no big deal, sometimes it just takes a while. After a year of and a lot of complications with irregular cycles and unexplained horrific pelvic/lower abdominal pain my OB decided to do the lap testing. Everything came back normal with that. He said he seems to think we just are missing the correct timing (my hubby works out of town) and that I obviously wasn't ovulating when I would go months at a time with no period.

He started me on 50mg of clomid and 500mg of metformin. I had the 21 day blood work done for 3 cycles on 50mg and did not ovulate. My levels were extremely low. Did another round of 100mg clomid and 1000mg of metformin - levels were higher, but still not good. I was then given 150mg of clomid and ovulated with it, but couldn't time it up with DH being home.

I have been off clomid for 11 months and started a round of 100mg with my November cycle. I took it CD 3-7 and did not get a positive OPK test (think I tested too late), but almost positive I O'd on CD13. Hubby was home for 2 weeks during that time, so we BD daily at 1st and then every other day until he left. I just knew it was our month, until the showed her ugly face yesterday.

Called OB and he wants me to still take the 1000mg metformin and do 150mg of clomid this cycle and come back for the 21 day blood work. I've never really charted my temps, but I bought a new thermometer to start this cycle. Any advice? I don't know much about temping!

I hope it's okay to post here. Sorry for taking up so much of your time talking about my problems.