You know yiu really might feel better if you can talk to someone, even if its maybe in a professional role rather than a friend or family member. Could you ask your health visitor to pop over and see you?
I've deleted my ramblings because I didn't like reading it back. I don't feel comfortable talking to the HV as our HV has changed twice since LO was born. I'm just going to have to wait for an apt with gynae to come through and hopefully pour it all out and get some help from there
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