5.5 weeks and hate it already

[teaandme]

Last month my brother, who I was close to, died unexpectedly. Shortly thereafter I found out I was pregnant. Already I feel so tired, irritable, sick to my stomach and am dreading how much worse it will get. I can't call in sick at all without risking my job for the next 5 weeks because of how much time I have already taken off for my brothers death and being sick just before that. I'm extra annoyed by my husband lately and I have a hard time sleeping due to his snoring. It's even harder for me to sleep when he's not next to me though.

Yesterday I noticed a small amount of pink spotting when I wiped and today brownish blood on my underwear. I don't have an appointment for a few more weeks, I know it can be normal to have a small amount of spotting after sex which may be the cause of this. I feel there is no point in calling my midwife because there isn't anything they can do anyway.

I've been going to therapy lately and it helps some. I lean on my friends and my partner but I know they have their own stresses. I feel so sad and hate my life right now.

If anyone else can relate, please let me know, I think that might help me.

 

[minties]

That is a lot for one person to have on their shoulders at one time. I haven't lost a sibling, but I lost my darling great grandmother when I was 5 weeks pregnant with my son. I was also stressed out as I was a (mature adult) student (in a class full of brainy 20 year olds...) struggling with exams and I was quite a mess to be honest.

I also bled with him, like a period, for about 7 days. I bled with my daughter also but was at 6.5 weeks rather than 5 weeks.

I'm feeling pretty low about life at the moment, my living situation and my relationship are stressful.

I hope that knowing you aren't alone helps you a little bit, I hate the corny "I'm sorry for your loss" stuff but I really am, you must be devastated. I have a brother and it's hard to imagine him not being around. How did your brother die? Does it help to talk about him or make you feel worse?

 

[teaandme]

Thank you minties. I won't know how he died until toxicology comes back, we are unsure if it was natural causes or other causes. The police are investigating it as well, everything just takes forever. I cry a lot because I can't imagine him not being here and sometimes I am angry with him for leaving us.

My husband and I are also trying to save for a house but that feels impossible too, the market where we live is so competitive. I want to at least rent a house before the baby is born but that involves more money too, I don't want to deal with neighbors complaining about our baby crying though.

Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps to know I am not alone. I'm sorry you are feeling stressed as well at the moment with your living situation and relationships. I really know how it is to feel low in life, I hope things get better for you too.

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

I can relate on certain things, the pressure with attendance at work ( I pulled a muscle and took 3 weeks off just before falling preg) but I think they have to be careful disciplining you for absence thats pregnancy related. My partner snores awful too, I sent him to the Doctors this morning and he's being sent to a sleep clinic for the night so they can diagnose him for sleep apnea. Sorry about your brother

 

[minties]

Not knowing is awful, it's so hard to come to terms with things when you don't know why they happened in the first place, makes it so unfair and so hard to even think about moving on with normal life .

We have also been saving for a house but house prices in New Zealand are rediculous. I'm talking about the $800,000-million+ dollar range for a decent sized place in a nice area, where we would like to be. The median NZ house price is $450,000 which sounds bad enough!

 

[teaandme]

Thanks Hollys_Twinny, I actually emailed my union rep a few days ago regarding clarification on what counts as an unscheduled absence and whether bereavement leave and doctors appointments are counted as well. I hope that they aren't.

Minties, the housing market sounds awful where you are too. For a house that is less than 100 years old, in a decent neighborhood and in decent condition, we'll need about $500,000 USD which is about $800,000 NZ dollars. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it.