Well, I know you don't wanna hear about this at this happy time for you all, but I gotta get it out. Was up all night last night, didn't get a wink of sleep. It's my daughters birthday today. Had she survived her birth she'd be 5. Now I didn't hold her, kiss her, or speak to her, they just took her away. But, I can't seem to get over it? I know people say it takes time... but 5 years later I still cried all night. I even feel guilty for my current Bean, because I feel like he or she should be enough, and I feel bad for crying about my daughter. My OH just says he doesn't know what to say or do to make me feel better. We had a row last night cause I was snappy and mean to him. Luckily the day is nearly over, but I'm so scared I'll be like this next year or the year after and ruin the baby's special time =( Noone has to reply, I don't mind. Just needed to rant. Happy birthday Jessica my angel, always and forever loved.