5 years today..Don't wanna make anyone sad though <3

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by xpatchx, Dec 12, 2009.

  1. xpatchx

    xpatchx Wife, Mummy and pregnant!

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    Well, I know you don't wanna hear about this at this happy time for you all, but I gotta get it out.

    Was up all night last night, didn't get a wink of sleep. It's my daughters birthday today. Had she survived her birth she'd be 5. Now I didn't hold her, kiss her, or speak to her, they just took her away. But, I can't seem to get over it? I know people say it takes time... but 5 years later I still cried all night.

    I even feel guilty for my current Bean, because I feel like he or she should be enough, and I feel bad for crying about my daughter.

    My OH just says he doesn't know what to say or do to make me feel better. We had a row last night cause I was snappy and mean to him. Luckily the day is nearly over, but I'm so scared I'll be like this next year or the year after and ruin the baby's special time =(

    Noone has to reply, I don't mind. Just needed to rant.



    Happy birthday Jessica my angel, always and forever loved.

    :angel:
     
  2. Sam9kids

    Sam9kids Guest

    Awww happy birthday Jessica. Have a lovely time with the angels xxx

    And Huge ((((hugs)))) for mum and dad xxx
     
  3. modo

    modo WAHP

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    I am so sorry hon :hugs: what you are going through is perfectly understandable. You will never forget Jessica but this baby once born will really help. You will never stop mourning Jessica but it will get easier with time :hugs:
     
  4. littleblonde

    littleblonde kacey and sophie

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    happy birthday jessica. I dont think were meant to get over this. Your new bean isnt going to be thinking bad things about you. But instead thinking how lucky they are to have a caring mummy and daddy. If you greive once a year for ever then thats ok.
     
  5. Daisymac

    Daisymac Guest

    :hugs: Awwwwww thats so sad:hugs:

    I know what its like i lost a baby at 16 weeks pregnant and they just took him away too. It was 14 years ago now and i never forget him!

    All the best and take special care of yourself :hugs:
     
  6. mrsty

    mrsty Pregnant with #2

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    :hugs: to you and sleep tight little Jessica xx
     
  7. KayCee114

    KayCee114 Mummy to Grace <3

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    Hugs to you and your family, and birthday wishes to angel Jessica.

    No one can tell you how long you should grieve for. If you aren't over what happened yet then it isn't anything you should feel bad about.

    Jessica was your first born daughter and you are obviously going to miss her.

    Take as long as you need. I'm sure your family will support you on her birthdays forever if you need to cry for her.

    Big hugs xxx
     
  8. xpatchx

    xpatchx Wife, Mummy and pregnant!

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    Thank you.. I just feel so empty =(
    It was sad thinking I should have been wrapping barbies and books and teddies last night, but instead I was sat on the nursery floor screaming so hard I gave myself a nose bleed!
    I see people who say "I've had so and so many misscarriages and still-births" and I think...how do you do it?
    Thank you for your support. You all mean the world to me x
     
  9. kermie219

    kermie219 Well-Known Member

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    I can't imagine mourning a child but you do whatever you need to do every year on her birthday to make yourself feel better. No need to feel guilty about your new little bean but I am sure that is a perfectly natural feeling and I hope you don't feel bad for too long. Jessica is your angel looking down on you and I think it's good to let yourself feel her today of all days :hug:
     
  10. Sam9kids

    Sam9kids Guest

    Awww hun, my sister died 3 years ago age 26 and my mum will never get over losing her child and im sure a lot of the lovely mummies on here who have been in similar situations to you will feel just the same xx:hugs:
     
  11. carries

    carries Mother of two under two!

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    Dont really know what to say other than dont feel sad about feeling sad. It must be a rough day for you xxx

    Happy birthday jessica x
     
  12. xpatchx

    xpatchx Wife, Mummy and pregnant!

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    I'm sure this Bean won't take away the feeling, but it will give me something to make me realise that it didn't all end with her.
    I'll make sure Beanie knows what she meant to me, and we can go up to the grave and stuff too =)
     
  13. JIGGY

    JIGGY Well-Known Member

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    big hugs to u hunni

    happy birthday jessica :)) sleep tight lil 1 xxx
     
  14. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

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    aww happy bday jessica :hugs: she will always be in ur heart hun x
     
  15. Lollypod

    Lollypod Well-Known Member

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    Just wanted to say am thinking of you. :flower: there is no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone is different and I think tears are better out than in. Take care x
     
  16. natasja32

    natasja32 Mum to 4 boys

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    Oh sweetheart im sending you massive hugs. I know how you are feeling. I too am an angel mummy and im dreading my little boys first bday.What you are feeling is normal lovely. There is nothing i can say to take away your pain sweetie,but i just wanted you to know you are not alone.:hugs::hugs: Happy birthday little Jessica.

    Lots of love
    Nat
    xx
     
  17. bumpy89

    bumpy89 Well-Known Member

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    Happy Birthday Jessica

    Big :hugs: to you both.
     
  18. hayley x

    hayley x 1AngelSon,1EarthDaughter

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    Massive :hugs: How you are is 100% normal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Its your little girls 5th birthday, I'm sure when its her 30th birthday you will still have a cry for her, your her mummy! This baby is very lucky to have you as their mum, they will never BE Jessica and certainly wont replace her, but hopefully this baby will teach you to live again? I am expecting my 2nd baby after losing my first and its so hard. Why not pop over to pregnancy after loss in still birth neonatal loss and sids section? There are quite a few of us angel mummies expecting again :hugs: xxx
     
  19. Shady_R

    Shady_R Mum of 3 boys and 1 girl

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    Know exactly how you feel hun i have lost my daughter too, it does get easier as time goes by, but you will never get over it, you just live with it and work through it. There will always be days that will make you sad like her birthday and christmas, if you need to cry then let it out, same if you need to scream shout and rant and rave, just let it all out. I have days where i go to my daughters grave and i just sit and talk to her and cry, it always makes me feel more sad, but i also feel blessed to have had such a special girl in my life. Im here if you need to talk pm me if you want to hun.
     
  20. jackie.d

    jackie.d Mum to 3 boys + 1 girl ♥

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    :hugs: happy birthday angel. xxx

    thinking of you :hugs: xxxx
     

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