6 weeks on - this is SH*T!!

[whyme]

Hello everyone -just needed to vent my frustration on cyberspace!! You may want to read and run!! (but I need to write it down)

It is 6 weeks on since MMC, I have been doing so well, started back at work last week , went well on the whole, have just finished first AF, booked a holiday, couple of shows, things booked and was really poistive

But the last few days, I don't know what the bloody hell has happened! I am soo tearful, angry, snappy and feel really shitty, everything is bugging me. I have flash backs to the physical procedure following the MMC, I am really grieving my little baby, the thought his/her little heart stopped beating really cuts me up. I really wanted AF to come, but when it did, it just hammered home the fact I AM NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE!! - does this make sense? I thought I would be ready to TTC again following this, but I feel absolutely petrified at the prospect of enduring those first twelve weeks, a scan would scare the hell out of me and I am scared of another loss. I am forty so don't have age on my side, and soo want another child, but all positive thoughts seemed to have gone AWOL, I just can't see it happening.

On top of this, DH has a very bitter - deranged Ex wife, who quite honestly has been a pain in the rear for the last six years, kicking off yet again because we have asked my DH /their son to join us on holiday - a holiday that I don't really want but we think we need - we weren't going on holiday because we were having a baby!! I can't stand the woman!!

If you are still reading - is it normal to feel this way or have I totally lost it?!!
How do I get back to being positive, and have the strength to TTC again?

 

[shaerichelle]

oh hon it's normal you are greiving. I went thought many emotions myself. Taking a holiday will be good. I am on one and to get away from everything has helped.

 

[groovygrl]

yes, completely normal it seems. Thank you for your post 'cus I was feeling that way myself this week and wondering exactly the same thing. I was soooo surprised that the grief and all that goes with it keeps tapping me on the back. yup, it is **it.

sorry I wish I had something really uplifting to say. I'm hoping as much as you are that this gets easier. x

 

[groovygrl]

oh yeah, I am also 40 and a step-mum. I get you completely!

 

[whyme]

You have actually made me laugh THANK YOU! DH 's son lives with his mum, the very bitter EX wife who basically makes things as bloody awkward as possible!! AAAHHHH! Been quiet on the "western front" for a while but I think the poor baby seems to have rattled her cage - I didn't actually realise I had to inform her when I was ovulating/ask permission TTC!!!!
Sorry for your loss - was it your first? I hope things get better for you too xx

 

[KatyKat]

Massive hugs to you hon

Hang in there, things can only get better. i know it probably doesn't seem that way right now, but you will look back on this and realise how much stronger you are for getting through it.

In the meantime enjoy looking forward to your hols, and forget about everyone else - althought I appreciate that mjust be hard with an ex-wife on your case!!

 

[whyme]

Thanks girls for listening to my moaning!! I hope to be back to my more postive self soon!

 

[groovygrl]

no prob whyme! I should thank you too! I'm sorry to hear that anyone is struggling like this but I'm so glad and relieved it seems to be 'normal'?

my loss was end of Jan. I just got 2nd AF last night and holy poop am I ever


and the beat goes on... keep on dancing xo

 

[Faithpatience]

whyme ! I went thro this twice and thisis completely normal...I can say u r pretty ok when compared to me, its been over a year now after my m/c but I still sit and cry and I am always depressed or lost all times and theres no positive energy left in me..so I can definitely understand how u feel..
yea holidays is good for u...jus stay positive and we shall all pray that God gives us all a healthy cute baby soon....BABY DUST TO ALL TTC ladies....we will do it !!!

 

[Vickieh1981]

Sounds totally normal to me. One minute I am fine, the next I am looking at Isabellas photos and stroking her face on my computer screen.

One minute focused on trying again and the next angry because I am not still pregnant with her.

I think these feelings are all normal.

 

[kstan]

Hi sweety - sorry yr going thru these emotions! Its strange that u should say all that because my mmc and erpc was about 6 weeks or so ago and today I just cant stop crying over it and I have been ok for the last month or so!!!

There are loadsa supportive ladies on here tho that get u thru it cos theyve been thru it too! I really hope you feel betta about things soon.

PS Im sure its pretty normal the way yr feelin! Youve been thru a hell of an ordeal and bound to have ups and downs. Big hugs hunni x x

 

[whyme]

Hi sweety - sorry yr going thru these emotions! Its strange that u should say all that because my mmc and erpc was about 6 weeks or so ago and today I just cant stop crying over it and I have been ok for the last month or so!!!

There are loadsa supportive ladies on here tho that get u thru it cos theyve been thru it too! I really hope you feel betta about things soon.

PS Im sure its pretty normal the way yr feelin! Youve been thru a hell of an ordeal and bound to have ups and downs. Big hugs hunni x x

Hi Kstan,

You were on the the first people to reply to one of my posts, when I joined here all of six weeks ago! I joined the day after MMC confirmed, was waiting for medical procedure - tablet the next day. You had just had your operation the day before.
Sorry you not doing so well at the moment either hun. I had been doing well til about a week ago, started back at work and that went ok. AF been and gone too. Then someone posted something that me realise why I am so low- We had decided to wait for AF before TTC. Therefore until then , I felt "safe"- no decisions to make etc. Now the safety blanket been pulled - bloody petrified of going again! All sounded so good in theory.
Oh well, got to take a leap of faith at some point, just hoping all will be ok next time

 

[kstan]

I know how u feel! I had chem preg I think couple of days ago and for a while wen I thought I was preg again, I was sooo scared and realised I prob wasnt mentally ready tp fall preg again! It a tough decision to start again and u never knwo how u'll react wen you do fall preg again! But we're all here for u! x x

 

[stardust22]

Hello everyone -just needed to vent my frustration on cyberspace!! You may want to read and run!! (but I need to write it down)

It is 6 weeks on since MMC, I have been doing so well, started back at work last week , went well on the whole, have just finished first AF, booked a holiday, couple of shows, things booked and was really poistive

But the last few days, I don't know what the bloody hell has happened! I am soo tearful, angry, snappy and feel really shitty, everything is bugging me. I have flash backs to the physical procedure following the MMC, I am really grieving my little baby, the thought his/her little heart stopped beating really cuts me up. I really wanted AF to come, but when it did, it just hammered home the fact I AM NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE!! - does this make sense? I thought I would be ready to TTC again following this, but I feel absolutely petrified at the prospect of enduring those first twelve weeks, a scan would scare the hell out of me and I am scared of another loss. I am forty so don't have age on my side, and soo want another child, but all positive thoughts seemed to have gone AWOL, I just can't see it happening.

On top of this, DH has a very bitter - deranged Ex wife, who quite honestly has been a pain in the rear for the last six years, kicking off yet again because we have asked my DH /their son to join us on holiday - a holiday that I don't really want but we think we need - we weren't going on holiday because we were having a baby!! I can't stand the woman!!

If you are still reading - is it normal to feel this way or have I totally lost it?!!
How do I get back to being positive, and have the strength to TTC again?

Oh you poor thing! so sorry for your loss.

Everything you are experiencing is SO normal!!!

I had my mmc at 12 week scan in January and have just started ttc again. I had 2 weeks off work to recover, well how the hell could I just recover. 8 weeks later and it all hit me!! BAM. I work on a maternity unit and that was just so hard. I am now signed off work fora while and in 10 days away I feel better than I have in along time. I am very anxious and snappy and everything just sets me off. Even a woman who was next to me in shop, she was minding her own business and just kept sniffing, she had a bad cold I think. I could feel my rage growing so I counted to 10 and the left the shop.

I wonder if I will ever fully recover as the miscarriage seems to have bought out something in me that I cant control and I have panic attacks and havent slept in weeks. Anyway I could go on forever. But what I wanted to say is. Just take some time out to do things that make you feel better. if thats possible. I am back in my gym where I love and trying to get out for long walks. I am also just avoiding anything that bugs me and gets me annoyed. which is pretty much everyone and everything but its nice.I feel I have really grieved since I have been away from work and now can move on as best i can. I was too busy to let myself grieve and putting on a happy face to all my patients was hindering my reovery. I am looking after myself now. My hubby is an amazing support and I am lucky to have him!

All the best hun and lots and lots of baby dust and heres to our sticky beans next time
xxx