7 year age gap between siblings. Does it work?

[makeithappen]

I have just got my bfp! We are over the moon!

For so many reasons including awful labour with our dd and her being a colicy, reflux baby, we decided to have a gap between trying again. It ended up a 7 year gap 🙈. But we've got there in the end.

I'm just hoping it hasn't been too long and that my dd and the new arrival (due in July) will bond and have a good relationship.

Anyone else relate or has been in this situation?

 

[aidensxmomma]

There's an 8 year gap between my sons (9yo and 15 months now) and a 7 year gap between my daughter and youngest son. I was really worried about the age gap at first because my oldest two are only 16 months apart, so this was a huge change. But its been really great. My older two love their brother so much and are great with helping take care of him. My youngest adores his big siblings and I think they habe a great bond.

I'll say this though, my older son was not really all that impressed with my youngest when he was first born. DS2 was a difficult baby and it was a big adjustment when he was born. But now, DS1 is absolutely in love with him and talks all the time about how awesome it is to have a brother. He has since requested more brothers I added a picture of them playing together yesterday... they were chasing each other all through the house and having so much fun!

 

[makeithappen]

Aww lovely pic ��. When we mention the idea of a brother or sister our dd shuts it down right away, although she is great with any of my friends younger children. We are very much a tight little family. She never stays with anyone and is very attached so I think she's afraid of what it all might mean. Once ive told my parents and in-laws we are going to try to work on it more and break it too her at Christmas with a letter from santa saying santa and mum and dad think she is ready to be a big sister because she's so good etc etc really bigging her up. Just hope it works. Think our whole family are going to be mega shocked as I said for a long time after dd there would be no more children. They have given up hope ��.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I feel better now knowing it can still work.

 

[sam3starxx]

Congratulations on BFP

I'm due July also and my son will nearly be 7 and my partners son will nearly be 9. We all live together. I know they won't have a close bond with the baby due to age gap.

I am a twin and we had a close bond then our little sister came along when we were 6 but we never bonded as the time she was 3/4 talking and so on we were 10 and had no interest we just wanted to play and do 10 year old things.

I always wonder if we didn't have each other would it of been different?
I know we struggled because my parents would say no we can't go here or there (theme parks etc) as our sister was to young and it would frustrate us so we felt like we missed out to suit her needs .

As we've all grown up we've matured and are so much closer, it's just a shame we weren't when little.

Which means I know the baby will be the same. The boys will be peas in a pod like they are now so when baby is 3/4 they'll be 11 and 13 they won't be interested in baby at all so I've already prepped myself.

It's annoying 😞

 

[makeithappen]

This is what worries me ��. Just hope with there being no-one else for dd to be close to she will make an effort with the new arrival. She will be a great help and will enjoy that side of things.

 

[Four2Five]

My girls are 13 and 5, they are 8 years and 9 days apart, this new baby will be almost 6 years apart from my 5 year old and almost 14 years apart from my 13 year old. With my two girls it's on and off. Some days they play great together but honestly for the most part our 13 year old doesn't want much to do with the 5 year old, they don't have much in common. It drives me crazy most days but there is times that I appreciate the gap because our oldest is so independent and also helps out a ton when I need. I honestly feel like I've had two "only child" because I've gotten to spend so much time with each. Now my 5 year old will be headed off to school and I'll have the baby home next year, it will be really nice to have the gap again. My brother and I were 3 years apart and fought so bad growing up, my girls don't fight they just don't have much in common.

 

[makeithappen]

Yeah I understand what you mean. That's one of the reasons we wanted a gap because to be honest I know I couldn't have ever coped with 2 babies or baby and toddler. I feel much more ready now and feel I will get to split my time between them both alot better without going crazy in the process. It is what it is. All I can do is encourage them to love eachother and hope that somewhere along the lines they become best friends for life. Like you say some children born close together don't get on at all.

 

[Scout]

You just can never tell, but I'd think they'd be glad to have one another. My sister and I are 3 years apart and never got along. We are like night and day regarding our personalities and have nothing in common. We've never been close and even as adults we still aren't close. We love each other, but we don't do anything together and seldom even talk on the phone, BUT I'm glad she's here. It makes me feel less alone in the world, iykwim. And I would do just about anything for her if she needed me and I feel she'd do the same just bc we are family. So whether they are close or not, I think they'll still appreciate that the other is there as they get older. Congratulations! Oh, and I will say that my cousins dd was 8 when I had my dd and she loved my dd and played with her until last year. I think it's once the older kids hit the preteen/teen years that they no longer find little kids cute LOL So you may have a really good helper there for the first few years.

 

[WackyMumof2]

DS3 was a big fat 'oopsie' baby as we didn't plan on anymore due to DS2 being at the severe end of the ADHD spectrum as he is one Hell of a handful. Thee is 6.5 years between #2 and #3. Since DS3 has arrived, although he's still feral and a typical boy, he is really good and incredibly protective of his baby brother.

 

[WackyMumof2]

Congratulations on BFP

I'm due July also and my son will nearly be 7 and my partners son will nearly be 9. We all live together. I know they won't have a close bond with the baby due to age gap.

I am a twin and we had a close bond then our little sister came along when we were 6 but we never bonded as the time she was 3/4 talking and so on we were 10 and had no interest we just wanted to play and do 10 year old things.

Which means I know the baby will be the same. The boys will be peas in a pod like they are now so when baby is 3/4 they'll be 11 and 13 they won't be interested in baby at all so I've already prepped myself.

It's annoying ��

Not always true. I have a brother who is 21 months younger than me, a sister 3.5 years young than me and another sister who is nearly 7 years younger. I was not close to my brother and first sister but I was incredibly protective of my baby sister and did everything for her (within reason) when Mum brought her home from hospital. Mum often tells me stories of me not letting her near the baby. The other 2 I couldn't have care less about and was never close growing up although my younger sister and I am now since my eldest was born (he's the oldest out of mine and my siblings children). My brother on the other hand, well, that's another story. I was the kid who spent most of my time in my baby sister's classroom when she started school and the teenager who would rather be at home with her instead of partying. While most siblings with such a large gap wouldn't want their kid siblings tagging along in their shadows, there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

 

[sam3starxx]

Congratulations on BFP

I'm due July also and my son will nearly be 7 and my partners son will nearly be 9. We all live together. I know they won't have a close bond with the baby due to age gap.

I am a twin and we had a close bond then our little sister came along when we were 6 but we never bonded as the time she was 3/4 talking and so on we were 10 and had no interest we just wanted to play and do 10 year old things.

Which means I know the baby will be the same. The boys will be peas in a pod like they are now so when baby is 3/4 they'll be 11 and 13 they won't be interested in baby at all so I've already prepped myself.

It's annoying ��

Not always true. I have a brother who is 21 months younger than me, a sister 3.5 years young than me and another sister who is nearly 7 years younger. I was not close to my brother and first sister but I was incredibly protective of my baby sister and did everything for her (within reason) when Mum brought her home from hospital. Mum often tells me stories of me not letting her near the baby. The other 2 I couldn't have care less about and was never close growing up although my younger sister and I am now since my eldest was born (he's the oldest out of mine and my siblings children). My brother on the other hand, well, that's another story. I was the kid who spent most of my time in my baby sister's classroom when she started school and the teenager who would rather be at home with her instead of partying. While most siblings with such a large gap wouldn't want their kid siblings tagging along in their shadows, there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

I don't understand whats not to be true. I was never stating that "they will not bond" I was stating my version of real life events. I am not saying "it will happen" and that they will not bond, was just sharing my experience.

I genuinely hope they have a strong bond, (FX) as well as i would like to hope my children will with baby but sometimes it just doesn't happen (based on my own experiences).

 

[WackyMumof2]

Congratulations on BFP

I'm due July also and my son will nearly be 7 and my partners son will nearly be 9. We all live together. I know they won't have a close bond with the baby due to age gap.

I am a twin and we had a close bond then our little sister came along when we were 6 but we never bonded as the time she was 3/4 talking and so on we were 10 and had no interest we just wanted to play and do 10 year old things.

Which means I know the baby will be the same. The boys will be peas in a pod like they are now so when baby is 3/4 they'll be 11 and 13 they won't be interested in baby at all so I've already prepped myself.

It's annoying ��

Not always true. I have a brother who is 21 months younger than me, a sister 3.5 years young than me and another sister who is nearly 7 years younger. I was not close to my brother and first sister but I was incredibly protective of my baby sister and did everything for her (within reason) when Mum brought her home from hospital. Mum often tells me stories of me not letting her near the baby. The other 2 I couldn't have care less about and was never close growing up although my younger sister and I am now since my eldest was born (he's the oldest out of mine and my siblings children). My brother on the other hand, well, that's another story. I was the kid who spent most of my time in my baby sister's classroom when she started school and the teenager who would rather be at home with her instead of partying. While most siblings with such a large gap wouldn't want their kid siblings tagging along in their shadows, there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

I don't understand whats not to be true. I was never stating that "they will not bond" I was stating my version of real life events. I am not saying "it will happen" and that they will not bond, was just sharing my experience.

I genuinely hope they have a strong bond, (FX) as well as i would like to hope my children will with baby but sometimes it just doesn't happen (based on my own experiences).

I know this and I never discredited your opinion at all. If I made you feel like I have, I apologize. Again, just like you, just my experience. Every family has different dynamics so there are endless possibilities with large age gaps.

 

[sevenofnine]

My mom is the oldest of three kids, she has a brother 18 months younger and a brother 8 years younger. She is equally close to both and I would say both her brothers are like her best friends. She said she felt like a second mom to her youngest brother (not in a bad way, she just felt very protective of him). They all talk almost daily. I think it’s hard to know what will happen, as it seems based on the children themselves!

 

[ReadynWaiting]

There is 9yrs between ds (14) and dd (5) and you would think there is no gap the we they go on with each other. Some days they love each other and other days they are poking at each other to get a reaction. I never expected them to be best friends nor play together on a daily basis. They have their own connection that will develop and change as they grow.
One thing I was very clear about with all family (in laws especially as ds is from a previous relationship) was that ds was to be included in ALL things related to baby. I was explicit about his concern that he would be forgotten and therefore they were to include him. The first couple months after she was born he made sure to hold her if anyone came to visit as he would get attention too. He did relax after a few months when he realized he wasn’t forgotten.

 

[amotherslove]

i chose to have a large gap. my daughter will be almost six when this baby i born. i think its perfect. my sister is nine years older than me. love her lots. its just different than a same age sibling is all!

 

[makeithappen]

Thanks everyone.

All your replies have made sense and helped me loads.

 

[Hopfl4bbynbr4]

My first two are 11 months apart (15 &14) then there's a 4 year age gap between ds1 and ds2 (ds2 is 10 now) and there is now a 10 year age gap between ds2 and this baby. We wanted to wait till we were between the ages of 30-35 to complete our family. So that brings us to today with a 10 year age gap between ds2 and this baby and a 15 year age gap between dd and this baby. Dd and ds1 (11 months apart) literally fight like crazy all the time but no one else is allowed to mess with either of them or they get very protective of each other. Ds1 and ds2 (4 years age gap) also fight but not as much and aften play together while ds1 is protective of ds2 when they are playing with friends and such. Dd and ds2 (5 year age gap) are very close and she tries to be his "second moma" which annoys him lol
With all that being said, dd can't wait for this baby to be born even though there will be a 15 year age gap. She tells everyone she will be at the hospital when he is born and will be the 3rd person to hold her baby brother (me, dh, then her) and tells everyone she wants to be home to help me out as much as possible while he's newborn so I'll be able to take naps and shower or whatever it may be. Which is very sweet but we'll have to see how she does with him first.
Ds1 (14) doesn't show any interest at all right now but says he will help out when baby gets older.
Ds2 (10) is excited to be a big brother but also says he's worried about not being the youngest anymore. We've assured all three of them that our love for them will grow everyday and they won't be left out no matter how many more babies we have (this is definitely the last)

 

[Allie84]

We never meant to wait his long either. When I have this baby, my DS will be 6 and a half. I'm a bit nervous and hope they have a great relationship, in time.

I grew up an only child and hated it.

 

[xdxxtx]

My sister and I are 9 1/2 years apart, so we are now 30 (me) and 40 (sister). We are best friends. We were close siblings, although she found me annoying (which is, of course, normal between siblings of any age gap), and we were at two different stages in life... But now we're both grown ups with families of our own and have tons in common. So, there's hope that they'll get there. Good luck! & Congratulations!!!