A father's rights

[violet]

This is a complicated situation, but I'll try to stick to the facts. I'll start by saying that I am not the mom or dad, but I am a life-long friend of the father-to-be. Also, this may be the wrong forum for advice, so if anyone can direct me to an active forum, that would be great. But, I frequented forums like this when I was TTC, and I no longer am, but I know how wise the women who frequent these forums are.

Dad dated mom for several months, they broke up and tried to get back together. She was going through a divorce, which has been final for awhile now and was finalized during the first relationship. The reconcilation lasted only about six weeks, but resulted in pregnancy. They had already broken up and she got back together with her ex. Mom and he ex-husband have been an ongoing on and off thing.

Dad was dating someone else by the time he learned about her pregnancy. She decided she did not want him to "be the father" and has resisted any communication with him, and now the baby is due in two weeks. She has decided that her ex is going to be the baby's "dad" and that she is putting his name on the birth certificate.

The child was conceived while both mom and dad were very intoxicated. Because of this, she is telling everyone that she was date-raped by him. I've known the man my whole life and I know he isn't capable of rape, date-rape or anything like it. Yes, she was drunk, but so was he.

Dad was agreeable to allowing her ex/new b/f to raise the baby, IF they went through proper legal channels-adoption. Now that the baby is almost here he cannot stand the thought of being absent from this baby's life, but is willing to negotiate an open adoption with the guy she plans on naming as the father. But, she won't communicate with him. She can't seem to understand WHY they need to do this the legal way.

Also, he doesn't have a lot of money for expensive lawyers, even though he is in need of one. He is mostly troubled by two things:

Not having his child in his life and her telling the child that he was conceived by a rapist. He has been writing letters to the baby and mailing them to himself so that they are officially dated. This child's parentage will never be a secret, as too many people know already.

Secondly, if he manages to put his personal feelings aside and allows her to continue with her plan to have someone else "be the father," he wants to be sure it is done legally through adoption. Otherwise, he will be absent from his child's life and eventually he is going to be slapped with a huge child support tab and labeled a deadbeat.

Is it legal to intentionally name the wrong father on a birth certificate?
What could he be doing to stop her from naming this other guy on the birth certificate?

As a friend, I just try and support him. I hold him when he cries and comfort him. I've encouraged him to follow his heart and do whatever he feels like he can live with and what he thinks is best for the baby. I've tried researching this, but can't find answers. My friend works non-stop, goes to school full-time and has full custody of a teenager. I've tried to help him decide what to do, be a father or allow an adoption, but I don't want to lead him in any direction.

Does anyone have any advice? What an shame. A blessing from God born into legal battling and fighting. It makes me want to cry.

 

[Jkelmum]

He can take her to court for a complusary DNA test using legal aid in which they wil prove he is the father but there is noway he can stop her naming someone else as the father morally its wrong but no breaking the law due to the fact she can say she thought it was whoever was named father ...she sounds very stupid givin rights to a man who isnt the father ...He needs legal advice

 

[starbucks101]

Are you in the UK?
Everything that woman is wanting to do is legally & morally wrong!! But he is going to have a fight on his hands to get this sorted.

Has he been making copies & notes of every communication with the mum-to-be?
If not this is the first thing he needs to do! & he needs to try and get hold of as much information about the mum as possible.

She sounds like she is going to play dirty, so your friend is going to get into the gutter to, there is no moral high ground in situations like this, but your friend needs to be very very guarded and not let on that he is playing dirty behind the scenes.

He needs to find out as soon as this baby is born and be peaches & cream to the mum, if he can just get one visit to the bubba, he can say she's decided that she just doesnt want him to be around & get a DNA test through court.

He is that babies fathers & he and the baby have rights to know and bond with eachother.

xx

 

[meg]

unfortunately the UK legal system is geared up to the rights of the mother, and not the father. I dont think that the father 'legally' has any right to know and bond with the child.

He really needs to get good legal advice, and keep records of all correspondance with the mother. Regardless of whether he is the father or not he faces a long,(possibly years), expensive fight in regards to custody/access etc. If he does want anything to do with the child then he should not entertain even the THOUGHT of this other man adopting the child - because he will have even less rights - or none at all.

This is not something he can fight on his own - he needs a lawyer - and the support of his friends, which it sounds like he has from you.

 

[Irishmum]

Not sure about in England but here the way it works is the child has no right whatso ever to see their father BUT a father (if proven to be so) has every right to see his child. It's a tough situation but all I can say is keep being there for your friend. The mother in question deserves to be shot, even in an amicable context that situation would be difficult for a child but it appears shes just tryin to drag everyone to hell on her own personal fun bus.

Sorry bout the rant, but people who lie about that type of stuff really p*!& me off!

 

[azfather]

Yes sounds very similar to what I am going through. In the state of Arizona, the family judicial system is very one sided and favors the women. Fathers have no rights. This is not opinion, it is fact. Every time I read or hear of a story like this, I cringe.

Personally, I have started an organization in Arizona for Father's Rights. Women should not get away with placating judges and whipping up contrived stories only to be taken as 100% Truth by the courts. It is utterly ridiculous!

I agree with Irishmum, this chick wants to drag everyone to hell on her own personal fun bus, or run them over with it!

 

[Char&Bump-x]

No advice but wanted to give a huge to you and your friend, that woman sounds like a bitch and doesnt sound grown up enough to even have a child!

 

[lauraperrysan]

Well what a nasty woman for starters!! Yes as someone else said she can put someone else's name of the birth cert but he can request a dna test thro the courts and once he is prooven to be the dad he can apply to have it changed by law so he is the named father.
Secondly re access. He needs to start trying to see the baby as soon as he or she is born. If he leaves it weeks or months this will go against by in court and they will ask why he has only just shown an interest now. He needs to send letters recorded delivery to her and keep copies, emails, calls (to be shown on phone bill each month) but dont harrass her lol.
It will be a long fight and it will most definately start will supervised visits at a contact centre but thats a huge step for him and in time he can apply for joint custody but he can never miss a meeting / appointment etc or they will be quick to hold this against him.
I feel for this guy so much. He needs alot of support. I would give anything for my little girls dad to see her but he never has and prob never will
Anway good luck to him and fight back to her, dont give in, thats the easy way out.
Don't let him give up, it will be worth it xx

 

[Chalrhow]

Is it legal to intentionally name the wrong father on a birth certificate?
What could he be doing to stop her from naming this other guy on the birth certificate?

I know in Scotland it is Illegal to give any information which is false when registering the birth ! When i registered my sons birth there was a big sign saying if you give false information you could be fined £1000... I dont think he can do anything to stop her other than telling her its illegal maybe then she will think twice ?!

 

[ladyjayne]

As others have said if he wants to be put on the birth certificate and have rights to see his child then he'll have to get a DNA test through the courts.
I just wanted to add that you said "Otherwise, he will be absent from his child's life and eventually he is going to be slapped with a huge child support tab and labeled a deadbeat."
If she does put another mans name on the birth certificate then she cant contact him for anything to do with baby let alone ask for money. The CSA will ask why she didnt put him on the birth certificate and she will get herself in trouble trying to get any money out of him. I hope thats able to put his mind at rest about the money issue any way.