abortion punishment??

[jelliebabie]

hi everyone
I know u will probably all hate me when i tell u this, but its ok, i hate myself. When i was 16 i got pregnant to my ex and was so happy and really wanted to keep the baby! When my parents found out they where so upset and thought i would ruin my life! I was determined to have the baby and cudnt wait but when my bf left me and and parents begged me to abort at 20wks, i did even though i didnt want to, i felt i had iino choice! I loved that baby so much, still do and its the biggest mistake of myii life! I ended up back iwith my bf and i fell pg again but m/c @ 9wks then we split.. I then met my hubby and we haavi

 

[jelliebabie]

continued, got with my nw hubby and been desp 4 a baba, and for 11yrs no luck, tho am not sure if ive been bding at the right time or not? Past few yrs maybe havin sex 1 or 2x a month, whats the point? Plan on ttc properly but cant stop thinking that perhaps this is my punishment for killing my innocent baby x

 

[trumpetbum]

No. fertility problems are not a punishment for choosing a termination. There's nothing easy about that choice and the fact that you were vulnerable and pushed into making that decision is such a shame and will mean you will have complex emotions to work through. Even after this time. Have you sought post abortion counselling? Your local family planning or sexual health service should be able to provide this depending on where you live, it's available on the NHS if you are in the UK.
There are however incidences of complications such as infection after termination which should be discussed with your health care provider and perhaps investigated.

 

[rachelle1975]

You are not being punished hun. Everyone makes choices throughout their lives and we hope we make the right decision. Nobody is punishing you for a decision you made as a child

I know ttc can feel a bit like a 'chore' especially when it's long term but having more often will increase the quality of your hubbies sperm and also give you a greater chance at conceiving.

Why don't you look into having some counselling to heal your mind and hopefully the doctor can also give you some fertility advice at the same time?xx

 

[Charlotteee]

Im so very sorry for what you had to go through and i know you just want to get it out - but abortion isnt allowed to be discussed hun xxx

 

[Dancingkaty1]

try not to feel guilty about ur abortion.....it was the right thing to do at the time so dont beat ur self up about it hun. I feel guilty about the fact i went out to pubs & clubs til i was 5 mths preg with my dd!! at the time i loved being preg & it wasnt a mistake, we were ttc for 6 mths til we fell preg with her....i didnt drink loads just like 1 glass of wine on a night out but i think now how awful it was of me.....not only that wine i was putting into my dd bloodstream, but at the time there wasnt a smoking ban so all that smoke was going into her lungs ( i dont smoke i mean passive smoking) & just the danger of being in that environment where fights can occur etc.....she is luckily a very healthy & happy 4 year old now but i often wonder if i am being punished now for doing what i did bk then?? we have been ttc for 17 mths now.....no sniff of a BFP & its gets me sooo down i feel more ready now than ever to have a baby & would sooo appreciate it!!!!! xx

 

[jonnanne3]

I am sorry you are going through this and I am sorry you had to make the decision you made. Like Rachelle said, we all make mistakes when we are young. You are not being punished for what you did. Sometimes you are put in a position where you feel it is the only choice. You are very brave to come in here and talk to us about it. Please know that you are not being punished. I think you just may need to do some counsling for your abortion and then also look into getting some testing done to see why you are not able to conceive. Good luck and please feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

 

[cupcake123]

Please never never ever think that! It sounds like you have had a tough time, I hope that with new year on its way you can stay strong, try and find some positivity and successfully conceive this year. So many people have difficulties trying to conceive for so many different reasons, but you need to believe that your difficulties are no way a reflection of your past. Good luck, and stay strong and positive!

 

[lioness168]

My heart goes out to you as to go through something like that wold have been horendous . Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we dont know what to do and we make the best decisions we can at the time with the information that we have. I am sure it is a deeply personal thing and you are very brave to open yourself up in regards to this as I am sure there are some people who wouldnt understand. Try not to feel guilty about the past, try and find peace knowing you made the best decision at the time, you were young and not in a supportive or stable situation at the time. I am guessing it has been several years since your painful experience. Now you are in a stale situation with support...I am sure you will get your bfp soon enough, and your child will have a loving and stable home. I am also guessing that you and your hubby have had tests etc to see what is going on fertilty wise, ie: semen analysis, bloods, etc.

Being a LTTTCer will bring up alot of painful emotions for anyone on this journey, any experience of loss is brought to the surface. Maybe it is a time to heal, even if you need to seek grief counselling. Hang in there, don't let anyone judge you including yourself, you are a strong woman, a survivor

 

[MiissMuffet]

i didnt think u could abort at 20 weeks?

 

[TigerLady]

You are not being punished. I have known many people that have chosen terminations for a variety of reasons. They have gone on to have babies after.

Have you thought about getting your OH tested? Maybe he has a sperm count problem?

 

[Charlotteee]

i didnt think u could abort at 20 weeks?

I thought that too. I thought it was only in life threatening situations x

 

[caline]

i didnt think u could abort at 20 weeks?

I thought that too. I thought it was only in life threatening situations x

Can abort at 20 weeks for fetal anomaly or if the mothers psychological wellbeing is at risk

 

[jelliebabie]

Thankyou girls, you are all so caring and supportive, your making me well up with all your kind comforting comments!

As for tests etc, after 2 yrs of not concieveing when i was about 20 (im now 29) i went to my drs and had a blood test done (day 14 of cycle?) and it came back normal. Because i had been pregnant before i thought it must be my new partner! Well, could i get hubby to go for testing? Talk about male pride!!!!
So i thought it was defo him and my interest in sex declined rapidly, and in the past fe years have only done the deed once or twice a month, if hes lucky!
well, last year i was in boots and found the fertell male and female fertillity test kit! Hmmmn, surely hubs would give me a little sample at home?? Of course, he just didnt want to go the doctors. Well, this test measures sperm motility and quantity, and to our shock, it came back normal!!!
Ive recently came across this site and never knew about all the signs of ov etc and im hoping ive just been missing the right time to get the eggy. I now have some hope. My life will never be complete till i finally hold a baby in my arms.
Thanks for listening to me going on and on and on. You all have such good hearts and i hope you are all successfull on this long journey xxx

 

[trumpetbum]

You can legally abort until 24 weeks, after which there would have to be a serious medical indication for termination.

 

[trumpetbum]

I hope now you are aware of all the ins and outs of ttc you get your BFP

 

[MiissMuffet]

You can legally abort until 24 weeks, after which there would have to be a serious medical indication for termination.

wow! that's unreal! Here it's 12 weeks!

 

[trumpetbum]

You can legally abort until 24 weeks, after which there would have to be a serious medical indication for termination.

wow! that's unreal! Here it's 12 weeks!

Only 1% of abortions are actually carried out past 20 weeks here, 89% before 12 weeks, 67% before 10 weeks.

 

[helen1234]

your not being punished. infertility can strike at any time,

i had my 1st child unplanned at 17, 10 yrs later i needed treatment to concieve and that was a success after 3yrs.

get to know your cycle and when you ovulate its the best way of successful conception.

 

[lioness168]

Good luck jelliebabie, wishing you lots of luck on your ttc journey. There is alot of support, information, advice and experience here. The other site you may be interested in to help you get to know your cycles is 'fertility friend'. Do a google search and you should find it . Hang in there, you will get your bfp....hopefully sooner than later!