Absoloutly appaled!!!!!!

[Loren]

OH's friend has just rang, and asked how i was not knowing i lost the baby, OH didnt no i could hear him.....OH laughed and said she lost it.....then said no lad its sound....it was nothing anyway.....no really wouldnt have even called it a baby she werent even far gone.....she was only like 4 weeks its not even a baby.....to were i screamd I WAS 6 EFFING WEEKS AND THAT THING YOUR REFERRING TO HAD A HEARTBEAT!!!!AND ASOON AS YOUR PREGNANT ITS A BABY END OF....and he had the cheek to mouth "shut up am on the phone" i am absoloutly disgusted at how he reacted to his friend asking how i am and not even knowing how far gone i was i just dont get it my valentines day has just been ruined to the max i cant even look at him xxx

 

[debgreasby]

OMG! That's awful. Hopefully it's just his way of coping, but it doesn't help you!

Hugs xxx

 

[hb1]

OMG - how on earth can he even say that - men are idiots sometimes but seriously!!! Do you have any friends nearby or family you could pop out and get a brew or coffee ? Let him really have a think about what he's said?

 

[NickyT75]

I dont know what to say hunni...

that is awful im so sorry but he sounds like a complete dick telling you to shut up

I hope he was just trying to act big in front of his friend & that wasnt his real opinion of your baby but he was bang out of order & I hope you make him realise how much he has hurt you xx

 

[Loren]

thank u deb i dont no what to do i dont no wether to ignore him or kill him!!!!i wouldnt kill him like but i would quite happily in a way.to be really honest i had to sit him down when i was preg and explain i couldnt do anything with me bleeding because he was coming home from work and saying why havent you cleaned up.my family were really comforting for me but his family just stuck up for him saying once the babys here he will change erm no i need help and support now!!!hes just really broken my heart doing that!!when ever i wanted to talk about the MC he would say what you talking about it for its happend then when he wanted to i'd change the subject but alls he ever did was say i think you done something you shouldnt have and thats made u lose it!!! i cant cope and know because i cried hes gone and ate his tea I MADE for val day in the spare room and left me in the living room xxx

 

[Loren]

thank you girls....no he wanted to move to this place wer in and it takes me a bus to get to my mums but ive spent the last of my money on foos for the valentines tea ye that was a complete waste!!!and all my friends are out. i am nicky if he thinks hes coming near me atall tonight hes got another thing coming!!!!hes coming across to me as if i'm in the wrong!!!!!!he had a cob on earlier on because i said no i dont want you getting 10 cans of strongbow and hasnt really spoke to me since but after that phonecall hes ignoring me and when he does speak hes being sarcastic!!!!hes feeling sorry for himself because i wont let him drink well when i say wont let him drink i said he could have 3-4 cans but please 10 cans is taking the biscuit!!!!hes just came in as i was writing this saying are you coming to watch this film with me and i said i'm watching this film first and he went wel am watchn the other one n has gone to the spare room.this could possible be the worse val day ive had ever!!!!!even when ive been single xxx

 

[Smiler79]

Oh honey I am so sorry, I dont know what to say.

Maybe NickyT75 is right nd he just didnt want to sound to emotional to his friend(still not nice though).

When we had our miscariage in October I was much more devastated than my hubby. He said although he was upset he was mainly upset because I was upset rather than about losin our baby as for him nothing had changed as it was still early days. whereas I felt different I didnt look any different to him and we had not seen the baby in a scan or anything.

Hope that helps a little bit as what I am trying to say is that I dont think men/dads accept a pregnancy/baby until they can see it.

I am sending you big hugs xxxxxxxx

 

[Loren]

i understand smiler i have always thought that a woman is a mother as soon as she gets that BFP a man (in some cases) is a father when he sees the baby.but his attitude and words have hurt since the day i got the BFP he even asked the question "is it mine? sorry but ive got to ask ive seen too much jeremy kyle" to which i thought he was joking but as usual no he wasnt. hes just a complete dick!!!but other times hes so nice and loving.think hes got a personality disorder!!!xxxxxxxx thank u xxxxxxxxx

 

[grrlmom]

OH's friend has just rang, and asked how i was not knowing i lost the baby, OH didnt no i could hear him.....OH laughed and said she lost it.....then said no lad its sound....it was nothing anyway.....no really wouldnt have even called it a baby she werent even far gone.....she was only like 4 weeks its not even a baby.....to were i screamd I WAS 6 EFFING WEEKS AND THAT THING YOUR REFERRING TO HAD A HEARTBEAT!!!!AND ASOON AS YOUR PREGNANT ITS A BABY END OF....and he had the cheek to mouth "shut up am on the phone" i am absoloutly disgusted at how he reacted to his friend asking how i am and not even knowing how far gone i was i just dont get it my valentines day has just been ruined to the max i cant even look at him xxx

Everyone experiences traumatic events differently. It must make you feel very alone, that he doesn't seem to be experiencing any grief at all. I'm sorry.


While you must accept his feelings as real and valid (for him, not for you), I think you should talk to him about how he needs to accept your feelings- your loss, your grief- as equally real and valid.

You could say, "I accept the fact that you do not perceive my miscarriage as the loss of a child and are not experiencing any grief, but you must accept that to me it was a child, and I am experiencing a profound sense of loss here, and I need emotional support to get through it."

Hopefully if you approach it as reasonably as that, he'll see that he's being very callous and unfair, and will make an effort to be more sensitive toward you and more respectful of your feelings.

If not, then he's a total jerk, and there's nothing else to be said or done about it.
Sometimes with men, you just have to be the bigger person and rise above their childishness.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[BABYCAREY]

i understand smiler i have always thought that a woman is a mother as soon as she gets that BFP a man (in some cases) is a father when he sees the baby.but his attitude and words have hurt since the day i got the BFP he even asked the question "is it mine? sorry but ive got to ask ive seen too much jeremy kyle" to which i thought he was joking but as usual no he wasnt. hes just a complete dick!!!but other times hes so nice and loving.think hes got a personality disorder!!!xxxxxxxx thank u xxxxxxxxx

Loren,im so sorry youve had this loss and went thru this on your own!
You should have been able to rely on him for support at least!!
I dont know either of you but tbh he sounds like a right wanker!!
To insult you as to ask paternity beggers belief,some men have a problem dealing with reality/responsibility maybe hes 1 of them?
You need to have some time to yourself otherwise 1 of you may say something you cant take back!!
I know its frustrating to feel like youre the only 1 going thru this,maybe go spend couple days with your mum?Might waken him up?

 

[dollydingle]

I'm lost for words Loren - what a wanker!
Men just don't get it.

You will be ok

 

[Dannib247]

aww hun some men can be so insensitive, i dont know what to say cherub its just horrid, thinking of you xx

 

[w8ing4bean]

Just wanted to send hugs hunny!! cant believe how insensitive that was

chin up, spend the rest of valentines online with us girls

xxx

 

[sazza]

I hope you're okay x

 

[Loren]

thank you girls....... he is a complete tosser pardon the french!!!!thank god hes out today so i have the house to myself!!!he tried the hole cumn on to me routine in bed and when i shrugged him off and said i'm tired he stormed out to the kitchen then came back and shouted I CANT FUKING STAND YOU ANYMORE!!!so i was like ok going back to my mums tomorow then he came back in whilest i was asleep and tried saying sorry.why on earth do we (well some of us) fall for such dicks!!!!ino i'm only 21 but i dont act 21 more like 31 and he jesus wept!!!hes 21 but acts 15 but as people have said to me......his mother needs to cut the umbilical cord...hahaha which amuses me because its so true!!!!!when ever he needs anything hes write on that phone!!!!mummmmmm.he doesnt as much anymore but when we first moved in we would have the sillyest arguement eva and he would phone his mum and ask could he come down to hers. he would and then he would come back drunk because his mum or dad had given him cans!!!ooohhhh he just pisses me off so much!!!sorry for the big rant!!!haha.i need to get things off my chest sorry.and i no your all probs reading this thread and thinking WHY are u stil with him....but i'm in love with him i cant help the way i feel but i no 1 day it will end if this carrys on.thank uu 4 listenening xxxxxxx

 

[Smiler79]

No worries hun.

I know what you mean about loving someone even when they are hurting you. It is not hte case with my hubby but it was with my ex.

I was only 18 when met my ex and he was a bully. I ended it with him after 6 months but he emotionally blsckmailed me into getting back together and in the month we were back together I losy my virginity to him(only sleeping woth him twice) and ended up pregnant!!

I had my beautiful baby girl (who will be 11 in May) adopted and opnly get yearly letter and photo.. It wa the right decision for both me and ny daughter but now that I have had the miscarriage I am worried I am being punished in someway and worried that I might have given away the only child that I might have.

 

[Loren]

thanks huni bunch.awwww i really hope that is not the case, infact it wont be you will get your little boy/girl soon sweety, i really hope you do huni!!!!i no youve probly heard it all before and you probably no but my opinion personally ...if you wernt ready mentally emotionally and financially then you did the right thing...thats just my opinion hun please dont take it in the rong way.xxxxx

 

[Smiler79]

I dont take it the wrong way. I was only 19 and had health problems as well a horrible ex so it was definitley the right decision fir me and Emily.

She has turned into a beautiful, clever and happy girl so I cannot ask for anymore. I just hop ethat I can give her a half brother or sister very ssoon as I was 30 just before Christmas so need it to h appen sooner rather than later.

Hope you are feeling ok today. Maybe you and OH will be be able to talk when he gets home if you are both a bit calmer.

Thnking of you. I will be on here on and off all day inbetween doing thehouse work ( I am a TA and it is half term)

 

[Smiler79]

Hi ladies just thought you would like ot know I have started my own journal Hoping for Bbay Rees. Please fell free to stalk me!!!!

 

[Charliemarina]

oh hunny im so sorry u heard this and feel this way i dont blame you, can i just say men ARE jerks sometimes and really do not know what there saying when they comment like that on loss of babys, iv been in ur shoes with my OH doing a similar thing, 5 days after we lost our last bean i was still very understandably gutted and upset, it seemed to be getting to him and he then blurted out " u need to cheer up, what the hell is wrong with you".....i was like OMG hes forgotten already it was when i blurted out "well if u dnt know ur more of a dick then i first thought"....then silence and he said "what? whats wrong with you i dont understand why u so emotional" well i hit the bloody roof, i shouted abuse like u wouldn't believe telling him he forgot about our child and that hes a joke and i hate him (obviously in pure meltdown coz i love him too bits)....then he drops the comment i wish id never heard he says "oh i forgot about that"...what? WHAT? YOU FORGOT?? well u can imagine the words that were spoken but if honest i was just left gutted felt like i was the only one to feel the loss of our baby as i didnt tell anyone else but him and u girls on here about the baby so couldn't confide to anyone in person but him.
after it all blew up then calmed down again he came to me in tears saying he is very sorry and that he hasnt forgotten at all he's just trying so hard to put it to back of his head coz its too upsetting but i told him how much i needed him right then and he agreed we would talk about the loss and we did it helped ALOT
he is now more into the TTC thing than me, think im just so scared of losing the baby again that even thought of now shits life from me, but all in all he is supporting me the best he can.
huns he is prob hurting about it but finds it easier to pretend it WASNT a baby although it was and he knows it men are different than women and i think we expect them to be the same, tell him how much u need him and u need to know that he wont forget ur lost baby ever talking helps alot.
i do hope things are ok now and he has apologised for his words as i think he should regardless of how he feeling as it was out of line towrds you, big huns and for this cycle