Absolutely furious!!!

[laurajo24]

I WANT TO SCREAM, SHOUT, PUNCH SOMETHING OR SOMEONE! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOB is being a complete dick.

Long story short:

I work fulltime and get to spend about 2 hours a day with LO. I agreed with FOB that whilst I'm at work, he could have LO every other weekend, all day saturday, overnight and on sunday. So basically the whole weekend every 2 weeks. That means i get a weekend with LO otherwise I'd only ever see him in the mornings and evenings.

This was fine until FOB has started demanding friday nights as well. There are many reasons I'm not happy with this, the main being LO's reaction to all of this upset.
He stayed over for 2 nights last weekend to try it out and he's been really upset and clingy ever since. He won't let me leave the room without crying. He was never like this before.

I think its to long for a 15 month old to spend 2 nights away from his mummy, in a strange bed, in a strange flat. FOB has his other LO to look after too who has downs syndrome so i really don't think he can give my LO his full attention anyway.

FOB doesn't finish work til 5 so won't pick him up and get him back to bed til after 7. This disrupts his bedtime routine and he doesn't sleep well there. He has been tired all week since being there.

LO goes to childminder on monday and friday and my mum rest of the week. Poor soul doesn't know if he's coming or going being passed around so much. I'm crying just thinking about how confused he must be.

FOB's argument is that he hardly ever gets to see LO and how is he ever going to get used to it if he's only staying one night?
I WILL NOT FORCE THIS UPON MY CHILD IF I DON'T THINK ITS RIGHT FOR HIM! This is what FOB cannot understand.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

I've said that once i finish work in july, 2 nights will be fine as I'l be here all day everyday and it won't be so hard for LO.

just feeling really rubbish after talking to him. He makes me feel so shit...

 

[kirst1805]

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I agree that 2 nights are too much for a 15month old unless he was happy and settled staying somewhere else that long which he is obviously not.

Personally, I think one night is enough for now, there is plenty of time to increase the nights away. Don't let FOB pressure you into agreeing to this, He isn't the one who would have to deal with an upset child.



xx

 

[xSophieBx]

I think your 100% doing the right thing. His only just over a year old, and I think even 1 night is more then fair enough. Have u explained what his been like in the week etc?

You are the mother and wot u says goes as noone knows your child like u do. xx

 

[littlekitten8]

You are being more than reasonable. If he took you to court he wouldnt be given overnight access until 4 years old. LO obviously isn't happy staying away so why would he expect to have him more nights? He is being unreasonable. I would sit down with him and explain how LO has been since and put your foot down.

 

[mummaofthree]

Aawww bless u. He is lucky he gets the time that your offering. Harry n Ellas dad doesn't get overnight as court says they're too young. 4 n 2. Your being more than generous n reasonable x

 

[Newdreemz]

Thats why I'd rather go through the court system. That way they'd give him visitation rights and if he doesn't comply, then its on him. He would have to go by a schedule that you two agree on so all that "making it convenient for him" goes out the window. After all, most of us work out something WITH THEIR SCHEDULE so they can see the baby when THEY WANT, but they won't work with us with ours. Which is crazy because were FULLTIME MOMMYS! We don't get to choose when its convenient for us to see our children! We don't get "schedules". Its hard trying to be "nice" when they don't see it that way. Too much stress, and too many arguments.

 

[laurajo24]

Thanks for the replies girls. I was starting think i was being unreasonable as he has a way of manipulating me... But now I know i need to stick to my guns!

I told him (rather harshly) that I will decide what is best for my boy. I know him better than anyone. FOB broke down crying, trying to make me feel guilty. If he wanted to see him that badly, he would've been over in the week to see him. He has not been over once. He had the chance but would rather sit at home in a strop.

We broke up because he cheated on me but there were issues with alcohol and drugs too. I am worried now that he is turning to that for comfort. If he is, i know its not my fault. He is a grown up making his own choices. BUT... I am worried for Harrys safety when he is there if this is the case. I know he wouldn't put him at risk but when your depressed, your judgement is clouded. He has already told me that he has stopped his antidepressants (cold turkey) which is a worry.

His mum will be helping him out this weekend so i know harry will be ok with her around. I'm really not sure about harry being there with just FOB.

God, i hate this crappy situation!

 

[littlekitten8]

You are doing the right thing. If he turns to that for comfort when the going gets tough that is his weakness, not your fault. Don't ever let him make you feel guilty over that. Also its a really bad idea to quit antidepressants cold turkey. He will be getting some pretty nasty withdrawl symptoms. Its a good thing his mum is going to be there cos I wouldn't trust him on his own with LO if he is withdrawing I must be honest. Massive hugs hun