ADHD/ASD concerns. I don't know what to do!

[kirstybumx3]

I know there are a lot of these threads put out there so sorry for another but I am really concerned about Rio's general behaviour.
He's always since a baby been a 'tricky' child, very demanding and prone to temper tantrums, never sit still, for a long time had big issues with food and would only eat certain things (he's slightly better at this now), sees no danger for example from when he was younger.
This hasn't got better with age and I feel like everyone just thinks he's a naughty child. That's how it seems to people who don't see him every day. I've wrote down a few things on paper that I'm worried about, some seem like normal nearly 4 year old things, others don't.
So I'm wondering what others think? Does this little lot seem normal or not?
I don't know how I'd go about getting him assessed, I'm not even sure what to ask to be assessed for. I just feel like deep down there is 'something.

Here's a copy out of my rough list I wrote.

Cannot sit still - ever, even kicks and fidgets in his sleep

Won't sit for a meal, one mouthful and running around

Struggled for a long time with foods, wouldn't eat anything 'wet' that had a sauce, still doesn't like sauce touching other things on his plate

Difficult to take him out in public as he is too excitable and misbehaves, runs away or lashes out

Impulsive behaviours, can't stop himself from randomly doing something dangerous even when dangers are explained, for example touching something hot etc


No fear In new situations etc, would gladly go somewhere with anyone. However in nursery is upset through the day at times because he 'wants mummy' so it's not that he wants to stay away, just doesn't see the danger of disappearing

Runs away everywhere, again like above. In shopping centres etc, no matter how many times its explained he will pull away from hand grasps and run off into a different shop completely without a care

Cannot cope with discipline, can't stay still on a step, has a complete breakdown if we try to tell him to stop doing something and will kick, throw himself back, head butt, spit at us etc

Understands things are naughty but still goes back and does them after being told not to

Won't look us in the eye when we are trying to tell him off, I ask him to look at me when I speak and he 'kicks off' spitting, throwing his head about etc

Climbs on everything all of the time, everything is a climbing frame

Can't focus on a game/activity for longer than a couple of minutes

Can't play with one toy for long and has to get everything out at once

Won't sit and watch any full tv programme, I'm lucky if he will sit and watch something for 5 minutes without losing interest

Won't accept when another person doesn't want to play, doesn't seem to understand boundaries and won't give up when people don't want him to touch their toys

Tried naughty step, time out, sitting and explaining, time in bedroom etc everything gets the same reaction with spitting, hitting and all the rest



Writing it he sounds like a horrible unruly child but he's not. He can be such a lovely, loving and caring boy and it's such a shame to see him the way he is. He will often say he 'doesn't want to do bad things' and it breaks my heart.

Any advice?

 

[stellababy]

My daughter exhibits many of the behaviours you have written down. I share your concern and know that it's not easy dealing with this. In my case, the behavior is slowly improving and she is 6 now and it's much better now then a few years ago. All kids are different, some are more figety and it doesn't mean they have adhd. If you have a feeling something is wrong, you should bring it up with the pediatrician. They have seen any situation and will be able to guide you. I am following this thread to see what others have to say.

 

[pa2k84]

He sounds identical to my 7 year old, kept thinking will meet better with age but it has not. His teacher thinks there is something bit manages him well, however at home not managing so much anymore. Going to be speaking to the senco at his school in the next few weeks, when I brought this up with teacher she told me she had actually already filled in all paperwork so not sure what outcome will be!
What do preschool say? Failing that guessing he starts school this year, try and get a meeting set up with senco there and express your concerns. I know you could go to doctors and they could go on and refer bit not sure of process myself.

 

[sil]

My DS1 will be 4 at the end of June and exhibits a lot of similar behaviors to yours.

We are fortunate that we don't get hitting/kicking/spittting often, but if we try to discipline he yells and falls to the floor screaming and kicking around.

He is also very tricky with food but it is improving. He still won't touch a vegetable. He doesn't like foods of certain textures, it has to be the correct temperature, and he doesn't like any food touching on his plate (for example the other day he had hot dogs and baked beans and got very upset because his hot dog rolled into the beans and refused to eat any of it after that because it made them "yucky")

He cannot sit still ever either. Basically not for a second. If need to wait in a line at a store for example, forget it. The second we stop walking he flops to the ground and spins and circles and tries to run away etc. He is constantly on the move. He'll sit for a meal, but usually only for about 3-5 minutes tops and the second something else catches his interest or he decides he's done he's off (even though it's a rule in our house that he must sit at the table till the rest of the family is done if he wants a desert after...he'd rather pass on the treat half the time to run around and get upset about it than stay). However, I think this honestly must be just a tricky skill to learn at this age. Imagine if you were in a place filled with your favorite things and haven't yet learned to control impulses yet and were told to sit at a table. It's a lot to ask of a little one, even though it seems simple as an adult. I hope and think they'll get there.

It's difficult to take him out in public as well. People in general make him very excited and when he's out he runs around, doesn't listen, makes silly sounds/nonsense talk, etc. However, when he's at home he's very articulate and when he's around people he knows well he is less excitable and acts more "normal".

My DS has no fear in dangerous/new situations either, despite explaining many times. He burned his hand (not bad, very minor) on the stove the other day and still tries to touch it despite physically learning the danger. Yesterday he let go of my DH's hand and ran into the street laughing to "just play chase!" not thinking of the dangers even though we've warned him of car danger 80000 times. I think it again just takes longer to click with some than others. Especially in the more impulsive children...it's not that he doesn't know it's not dangerous, it's just that the fun of playing chase in the moment outweighs any danger thoughts he might have in the moment.


He climbs on everything as well, and also doesn't focus on an activity for too long. Boundaries are difficult for him too.

Despite all of this, he is warm, loving, sweet, shares when he wants to, listens when he feels like it...and the glimpses I see of his positive behaviors coming through (happening slowly more and more as he gets older) gives me a lot of hope for the future. For now I just keep trying my best to make him aware of rules and boundaries and really making a huge deal when he does a good thing and hoping for the best. I used to worry about ADHD/ASD as well, but he really is turning a corner as he gets nearer to 4 and although his behaviors still sometimes worry me, I very very slowly see changes happening.

You can always call and talk to your doctor about any concerns. I'm sure they'd be happy to either reassure you all is normal or refer you to someone if they worry all is not. Big hugs. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!

I also think it's important to remember there is a wide spectrum of what is normal and don't compare your child to someone else's. Just like some 1 year olds have 3 word combos and others just barely start saying words by 18 months, all children are also different in terms of development of social skills, listening skills, impulse control, etc.

 

[kirstybumx3]

Thanks for the responses. I actually had a meeting with Rio's nursery teacher after pick up today about him. She says she's found within the last month or so that he's a lot more emotional at nursery, but it usually comes across as upset rather than anger and he never lashes out as I describe.
However today, in the bathroom he has screamed at and then hit one of the other teachers which she says is completely out of character for him.
She's going to observe him closely and keep a record of anything she thinks may be important to us and has advised us to do the same for the time being and see where we go from there. We are also trying a chart to reward good behaviour in the hope it'll deter him from his not so good behaviour first.
I'm really hopeful it'll work but I know Rio will struggle as he really does want to be good and doesn't seem to realise what he's doing isn't acceptable most of the time

 

[SarahBear]

If he's given proper boundaries, those behaviors are not "typical." I would speak to his doctor about your concerns.

 

[krissie328]

His behaviors do not sound typical to me either. Part of my job is diagnosing students with specific things like ASD and ADHD. Based on what you put I would not be looking at ASD. However, ADHD sounds quite likely. I would talk with your doctor about a referral. I don't know the area you are from but if they have an early childhood intervention program (public preschool) you might be able to contact them for an eval.

 

[loeylo]

I also think this may be more autism than ADHD, based on my experience of working with children with both conditions.

 

[SarahBear]

It looks like there's a little disagreement above about ASD versus ADHD, I don't think anything in particular stood out for ASD, but I also don't think there's enough information to say anything either way. Either way, if he's evaluated, a trained professional should know what to look for.

 

[Dawnlouise30]

He sounds just like my son. He will be 5 in October.
We have had great support from our health visitor so this may be an option for you?
My health visitor referred us to the paediatrician and he referred him to CAMHS but he doesn't meet the criteria for CAMHS as he is not developmentally delayed.
We are now being referred to speech and language in case it's an issue with his understanding our requests (don't run, don't hit, don't wonder of and so forth), personally I don't think he has any issues with understanding, it sometimes feels like he chooses to not listen..... But I don't know. Anyhow we will accept the referral to rule put things.
It does seem that we won't get any direct assessment re potential autism/adhd till he is at school and disrupting the class
However as I say we have had amazing support from the health visitor, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear and she has had some strategies to try, some
Work, some don't.

 

[kazzzzy]

My daughter has been diagnosed with ASD and you boy doesn't sound like he has that, but it might be no harm talking to your GP about your concerns and a possible assessment if he/she recommends it, good luck with whatever happens, I'm sure its exhausting for you, hopefully things will start to improve soon

 

[pinkstarbinks]

Our boy is in the early stages of being looked at for things like this, and some of the things you described are similar to our guy, id say go with your instinct. Reaching out for help or support if you've got any concerns, they're putting us on a 14 week parenting course and a sensory workshop to see if those two potentially really help things, we're relieved for the support as often doing what works for most just isn't helping our middle boy. Good luck!

 

[ClairAye]

He sounds almost identical to my son who is turning 5. The GP suspects ADHD, we did see a psychologist a few months back but never heard back. I would definitely see your GP about this.