Adoption, I want him back! Update pg 7 Happy Ending!!

[littlelinnies]

I had a talk with my mom to work out school and money, I have one year left of school, so we agreed I would go to a part time night school and that I'd have to get a part time job as well. She said that its going to be hard with school a baby and work, but she said she knows I can do it! So do I. She also said I can take 3-6 months to just be a mom before I would have to go to work/school.

So I get him back! He's sleeping right now, I have no baby things!! We bought a bassinet, diapers and things, but that's it right now, I can wait to get things for him!!
It was a very hard day, I don't know how many times I told people that I was sure that this was what I wanted. I was stressed and worried and little scared, but the second I got to hold him everything want away, it was like nothing matter anymore as long as I had him.

I named him Shawn.
https://i56.tinypic.com/1591g1.jpg

what a gorgeous boy..i know it sounds silly as i dont know you.. but im soo proud of you, xxxxxxxx

 

[baby_maybe]

Your story had me in tears! I'm so so happy for you and I can tell from your posts that you will be a fab mommy

 

[Stargazer77]

Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.

Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))

 

[Sophie1205]

Awww he is gorgeous! xxxx

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm really happy for you, and Shawn is beautiful

 

[FlowerFairy]

Gosh you got him back very quickly. Like a previous poster said you wouldn't ge this in the UK. Youre very lucky.
It must be hearbreaking for the adoptive parents , they'll be grieving for thr baby they've lost
Im glad you got your boy back and I wish you all the luck x

 

[littlelinnies]

Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.

Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))

well personally i think the american way is better, you should be given a month or so to change your mind! say this poor girl had been in the uk and did this and was scared and young and didnt think she could cope and then changed her mind, she would be without her baby for life..

 

[FlowerFairy]

Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.

Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))

well personally i think the american way is better, you should be given a month or so to change your mind! say this poor girl had been in the uk and did this and was scared and young and didnt think she could cope and then changed her mind, she would be without her baby for life..

But how about the poor adoptive parents why may have had problems conceiving, then "losing" the baby they thought they were finally getting. I find that incredibly sad if you decide to give your baby up then it needs to be a 100% definate decision The birth parents need to bd given a lot of support and counselling before even thinking about giving their baby up xxx

 

[Stargazer77]

No it doesn't work that way either. It's a very very lengthy process to have a baby adopted. It's a court procedure that can take years.

The legislation behind it keeps the welfare of the child the paramount consideration. To avoid parents keep changing their minds.

Adoption is not a route that is taken lightly and so is more likely to avoid the scenario you describe below.
To avoid a baby forming a secure attachment to prospective parents only to be removed from them and given to somebody they don't know. To make absolutely certain.
The parent would be given significant support for as long as possible before reaching that decision.

Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.

Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))

well personally i think the american way is better, you should be given a month or so to change your mind! say this poor girl had been in the uk and did this and was scared and young and didnt think she could cope and then changed her mind, she would be without her baby for life..

 

[littlelinnies]

i know.. but from what i've read from the opening posters comments, she when she was pregnant was scared and young and thought it was what she wanted.. and its a totally different ball game when your baby is actually here! and it sounds like she felt she had to give the baby away because it was all agreed which isnt fine..i think it was good she had the chance to be reunited with her baby. yes its ashame for the adoptive parents but you cant compare how they felt for a baby they had for a couple of days tops, to how a mother whos carried the baby for 9months feels. imo

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

A lot of teens feel forced into adoption, which is another reason why the US has the 30 day law. The terrifyingly strong instinct to protect your baby over all else doesn't kick in for a lot of people until after they've had the baby, in which case a lot of young mothers realize that this is their decision, not the person pressuring them into it.

OP, congratulation on getting your son back. I know you must feel terrible about the situation with his supposed to be adoptive parents, but one day they will get the baby they're longing for and that baby will be very lucky to have them, it just was never meant for that baby to be your son.

If I were you, I'd probably send them a letter apologizing again for putting them through this, with a picture or two for them to look back on, because they will feel like they just lost their baby, kwim? And periodically send them updates on how well he's doing so they know he's being taken care of. I know not everybody would be comfortable with this, but I would feel like I owed them that much, you know?

 

[Lily34]

I feel really bad for taking him away from them, but at the same time very happy to have him back.
I'm going to send them pictures and updates by email, and I really hope that they get there baby soon.
I'm very protective of him, I can't let anyone hold him besides my mom but only for a minute or two, and I had this really bad dream last night that I couldn't find him, I heard him crying but I didn't know where he was, it was so scary! I hope with time I can let up a bit, my mom wanted to take him to her room tonight so I can get some sleep, but the thought of waking up and him not being there is to much to take!

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I feel really bad for taking him away from them, but at the same time very happy to have him back.
I'm going to send them pictures and updates by email, and I really hope that they get there baby soon.
I'm very protective of him, I can't let anyone hold him besides my mom but only for a minute or two, and I had this really bad dream last night that I couldn't find him, I heard him crying but I didn't know where he was, it was so scary! I hope with time I can let up a bit, my mom wanted to take him to her room tonight so I can get some sleep, but the thought of waking up and him not being there is to much to take!

It sounds like you're shifting into "mom mode" very nicely. I used to have dreams that I'd forget my daughter at home or she'd go missing and I couldn't find her. They're very natural dreams to have.
You've been through a lot, I don't blame you for being clingy. If I had handed my daughter over to someone and then changed my mind and got her back, I don't think I'd ever let her go.

Btw, there's a teen parenting section on here that you're more than welcome to pop into! It's always relieving to have other people in similar situations to talk to. I don't know what I'd do without my bnb girls.

 

[Digby]

I'm glad OP got the baby back but do feel very sad for the adoptive parents. In the UK I think it's very rare for adoptive parents to be picked out before the birth (actually, I don't think the birth mother even has a say in who adopts the baby) so that avoids all of the hurt if the birth mother changes her mind - plus the "waste" of time as they would have been out of the system for X months. I don't think it's very fair to say "that's the risk they take" as that implies it's their fault they can't have children - their infertility has presumably forced them down this route: "ah well, that'll teach them for being infertile and trying to adopt a baby".

 

[moomin_troll]

I'm glad OP got the baby back but do feel very sad for the adoptive parents. In the UK I think it's very rare for adoptive parents to be picked out before the birth (actually, I don't think the birth mother even has a say in who adopts the baby) so that avoids all of the hurt if the birth mother changes her mind - plus the "waste" of time as they would have been out of the system for X months. I don't think it's very fair to say "that's the risk they take" as that implies it's their fault they can't have children - their infertility has presumably forced them down this route: "ah well, that'll teach them for being infertile and trying to adopt a baby".

i take it this is pointed at me seen as i said its the risk they take.

yes its the risk they take by wanting to adopt a newborn and making plans before the baby is born as ive heard stories like OP alot.

how dare u make out that i mean its their fault in anyway. my sister has infertility problems n id never wish that on anyone.

 

[littlelinnies]

I'm glad OP got the baby back but do feel very sad for the adoptive parents. In the UK I think it's very rare for adoptive parents to be picked out before the birth (actually, I don't think the birth mother even has a say in who adopts the baby) so that avoids all of the hurt if the birth mother changes her mind - plus the "waste" of time as they would have been out of the system for X months. I don't think it's very fair to say "that's the risk they take" as that implies it's their fault they can't have children - their infertility has presumably forced them down this route: "ah well, that'll teach them for being infertile and trying to adopt a baby".

i take it this is pointed at me seen as i said its the risk they take.

yes its the risk they take by wanting to adopt a newborn and making plans before the baby is born as ive heard stories like OP alot.

how dare u make out that i mean its their fault in anyway. my sister has infertility problems n id never wish that on anyone.

yes i agree with you, i think that the adoptive parents shouldnt have been choosen before hand, when you see your baby its a totally different ball game, and i dont think which im sure doesnt happen in the uk or should happen if it does, you should have it all set up like that because theres always a chance when u hold your baby you wont want to give it away.

 

[Redfraggle]

I'm glad OP got the baby back but do feel very sad for the adoptive parents. In the UK I think it's very rare for adoptive parents to be picked out before the birth (actually, I don't think the birth mother even has a say in who adopts the baby) so that avoids all of the hurt if the birth mother changes her mind - plus the "waste" of time as they would have been out of the system for X months. I don't think it's very fair to say "that's the risk they take" as that implies it's their fault they can't have children - their infertility has presumably forced them down this route: "ah well, that'll teach them for being infertile and trying to adopt a baby".

i take it this is pointed at me seen as i said its the risk they take.

yes its the risk they take by wanting to adopt a newborn and making plans before the baby is born as ive heard stories like OP alot.

how dare u make out that i mean its their fault in anyway. my sister has infertility problems n id never wish that on anyone.

I agree that it is sad for the adoptive parents but adoption is a risk. In the US and the UK. Here in the UK the birth parents have around 10 weeks to change their mind. Longer if the adoptive parents haven't applied for an adoptive order, but the child has to live with you for at least 10 weeks before you can apply for that order.

But any way of getting a child is a risk. There are risks in pregnancy that you might miscarry, have complications in childbirth etc. In adoption, whether it is set up before the child is born or arranged after there is always going to be a risk that the birth parents will change their mind. The adoptive parents will know that and will have gone through a lot of warnings that this might happen.

And to Lily34, congratulations! He is adorable and I think you've done the right thing. Good luck to you and your little boy.

 

[Ashley2189]

I had a talk with my mom to work out school and money, I have one year left of school, so we agreed I would go to a part time night school and that I'd have to get a part time job as well. She said that its going to be hard with school a baby and work, but she said she knows I can do it! So do I. She also said I can take 3-6 months to just be a mom before I would have to go to work/school.

So I get him back! He's sleeping right now, I have no baby things!! We bought a bassinet, diapers and things, but that's it right now, I can wait to get things for him!!
It was a very hard day, I don't know how many times I told people that I was sure that this was what I wanted. I was stressed and worried and little scared, but the second I got to hold him everything want away, it was like nothing matter anymore as long as I had him.

I named him Shawn.
https://i56.tinypic.com/1591g1.jpg

Congratulations sweetie! you'll do great.

 

[calm]

It must be truly awful for the adoptive parents, but I am so glad OP got her baby back, if she had wanted her LO back and it wasn't possible it would have ruined her life, I have heard about many similar cases. Big hugs XXX

 

[Lily34]

Sorry I haven't replied in a while, I've been really tired. I've been trying to sleep when he sleeps but it seems like he only sleeps for an hour at a time!

I want to say thank you for all the support!

I was prepared for labor, but no one prepared me for how I was going to feel after! If I know how I would feel I would have never put him up for adoption. Now I think no one should do adoption until the baby is born because if you've never had a baby you can't imagine how it feels.

Still and always will be on