Adoption journey

[dreamofabean]

Hi all,
Happy new year
Lolly little man has been super clingy the last few days too! I've put it down to his cold, teething, and perhaps even dh returning to work.
Monkey we bought a cheap tomy one and are happy with it
Today we had little mans lac review. It all went well and we have scheduled the next one for the start of march, when we can make the adoption order application
Little man welcomed the new year in by crawling he is getting much more confident with it now and looks so cute! Today I've had lots and lots of giggles, despite the fact he has a stinking cold.... Still! He's had it the entire time we've known him poor love! I guess it's linked to him teething! X

 

[karenh]

I have finally gotten a chance to get on here and catch up. Sounds like you guys had a great Christmas and New Year. My mom and dad got us a crib for Christmas! I also purchased the paint for the nursery, so hopefully I will be getting the nursery put together this month. Also, I am still looking for a job.

 

[Lolly1985]

Sounds like it went fab Dream, I knew it would!! Is little man everywhere?!! Little pink is walking (running!) and it's crazy how fast they move when they want to! Hope his teeth are ok, and his cold too. Mummy's little soldier!

Karen it sounds like you are getting prepared and that's really positive. I hope it felt nice getting things ready.

Aimze any news hun?

I hope everyone is ok?

Things aren't great this end. Little pink won't let me do anything. I am of course doing things, I have to get dressed, make lunch etc. But it's resulting in a meltdown I can't carry her everywhere and I feel like I'm not meeting her needs. Yet I don't want to create bad habits or expectations. She is eating, sleeping, generally following her routine brilliantly, just the constant need for mummy is exhausting. I'm not sleeping well which obviously doesn't help. DF rang his mum on Sunday and heard him having a quiet word about me getting some respite. She rang yesterday and I played dumb about the call but admitted he was struggling a little and as a result we are up there later, being taken for lunch Friday and she may be babysitting Saturday so mummy and daddy can have some time together. She's a star but I do miss my mum! Anyway sorry to whinge! I love her so much, I dreamt of this and my goodness thank god it isn't the other way and she simply doesn't care! But I'm just so tired and questioning all I do at the moment. Review tomorrow so we will explain and see what they feel is tho best approach. Adoption makes you question it all doesn't it?! Also worried if there is a sibling on the way as hand on heart I don't think it's the best time for any of us. Will keep you posted ladies xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

Karen that's so exciting I loved doing up the nursery!!
Lolly you are doing so well, but yes adoption does make you question everything!! As I said to you a few days ago, I had a day where I just wanted it to be bedtime!! Lol. It's hard and yes we love our babies more than anything, but we are real people and this is real life
Ask your sw and see what they say. They do say that from 9 months + separation anxiety starts to kick in for little ones, I wonder if that's the stage little pink is in at the moment? That mixed with teething will certainly make a grouchy, clingy baby and a tired mommy!!
Bless your inlaws, that's really lovely, I don't even get started on mine! Lol. Sending you lots of love xxxx

 

[aimze]

Awww lolly I hope she settles, what about when daddy is around?

Karen hope job Huntings going ok!

Dream you're so right! We're all just normal people an sometimes you just need some quiet time!

So we've had final home study, last course end jan then panel mid feb..they showed us more profiles but didn't compare to boy #1 so going to hang on waiting for his SW to return from annual leave (Xmas is over! Get back to work!!) an see if she thinks our PAR is a match for him...hopefully by this time next week we Should know where we stand and have his CPR.

Karen the nursery bit is so exciting! We've brought everything and Doing it in next few weeks!!

Can I just have a quick moan? I feel I am mentally an physically drained of fighting..I'm fighting for time off for SW visits, fighting for DH to have time off to visit nurseries, fighting for a schedule of pay whilst on leave, how leave works with matching cert an whether ill need to take off unpaid leave (which means I'd get less money in my year off) I'm getting so down with it all and just need it to end! My employers are doing my head in not understanding how adoption doesn't fit in with their stupid requirements!

Sorry...rant over! Just pulling me down! We used al our annual leave an I need a holiday I think :-/

 

[Rainy123]

Karen - hope you're enjoying getting the nursery sorted. I found it really helped me with the waiting but most things are in drawers so I can enjoy getting them all out 'for real' when I'm matched.

Lolly - sounds like you've got your hands full. Just a thought ( and you might have already considered) but have you ever thought of baby slings. My sister is very big into baby wearing and they are fab - lots of close time but hands completely free. I believe they're also supposed to be great for bonding. I hope to get a simple one but very much depends on the baby I think.

Dream - glad the review went well. Bet you can't wait to get the adoption order sorted!

Aimze - glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Such an exciting time, hope it all goes smoothly.

I spoke to SW today (after some chasing) and they are making a decision of who to link the baby with either today (unlikely at this time) or tomorrow. Fingers crossed but always expecting to be disappointed...

 

[karenh]

rainy i hope you get matched with him. Good luck.

aimze, sorry you are having such a rough time at work. I wish people understood more about the adoption process and what it means to us.

Lolly, baby wearing is big with my friends here as well. It may be something to look into. I hope you are able to find something that works soon.

Going to try and start cleaning out the nursery today so we can paint it. Thanks for your support guys.

 

[aimze]

Thanks ladies!

Rainy should you find out tomorrow? X

 

[Rainy123]

Should find out tomorrow. Well that's what SW said

 

[karenh]

We are here for you anticipating the answer and supporting you which ever way it goes.

 

[LolaM]

My baby was too big for a sling when we got him, so I just take him room to room with me, and I put him down and if he cries I just talk to him. I adore the child, and he makes me happy everyday but sometimes...I am simply not going to hold him all the time, he has work to do on the floor, I once read that a baby's home base should always be the floor, gotta work those muscles!

 

[aimze]

Hello lovely ladies!

How many profiles is too many? How many did you all look at given to you from SW and from looking how many of those children did you ask questions on?

x

 

[dreamofabean]

Hi Aimze
We weren't given profiles, just the cprs, and only one at a time, well, 2 in the case of the siblings! Little man's was the 4th CPR we read x

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi everyone!

Thanks so much for all the support, means a lot, I needed to read some of those comments last night to stop the tears threatening. Thankfully we have so far had a much better day.

Good luck rainy, thinking of you lots today hun xxx

Aimze, we saw 13 profiles, enquired about 5 and read 2 cprs on the same day. One was of course little pink's!

So our review went very well. No mention of birth mother being pregnant so I finally think I may get some sleep tonight!! They all feel the clinging and playing mummy up is a positive thing. They said it shows a great attachment and that she is obviously closest to me and feels safe and secure enough to start testing some boundaries. Makes me feel lots better. They did say that sometimes something triggers a reaction, and in a child so young they don't remember or understand, you just get the behaviour. But we'll never know. We are now due to meet the birth parents next week. It's so soon as our social worker is having an operation in a couple of weeks but we (and she) wants to be there to offer support. Thank goodness! We are nervous but with sw drafted some questions and know it's something we need to do for our daughter. We have been told that she has Christmas presents from birth mum at offices so will collect them next week and store in the loft for when she is older. Health visitor came and prescribed some cream as her skin is a little dry with cold weather, but other than that all good. Best moment was when she pointed across the room and smiled and shouted 'dada' and they all melted xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

Awww lolly how lovely! Such a little cutey! Little man has certainly tested the boundaries over the past 2 days too! He is plain refusing to eat unless it is puréed which is a huge step backwards! I'm hoping it's his gums and not just an attempt to get his own way! Ha ha! He just screamed his head off at bedtime refusing to drink his bottle! Oh joy! Which means he's bound to want a feed early morning!

 

[Lolly1985]

I would say it'll be his teeth, I hope it is anyway, but like me I know you question everything too. It is so frustrating when the don't eat, I sometimes think teething and other times wonder if it's control. The fact he hasn't had his bottle though smacks of sore gums. Hugs, we'll get through it together! xxx

 

[Rainy123]

Well today didn't go anything like planned.

Got a call from social worker to say that only my profile was taking to pre-linking (which is a compliment that the child' social worker only wanted to consider me) but the team manager wasn't happy. She wants more profiles to be considered so has put off pre linking for 2 weeks so they can family find.

Rubbish. I know I'm just going to spend the next 2 weeks getting more and more excited and hopeful and then probably be disappointed again.

Feeling a bit glum about it all but just had a good chat with a friend who tried to make me feel more positively.

Nothing is ever straightforward with adoption!

 

[aimze]

Oh no rainy that's no good!!! This is crazy that you are a perfectly good mummy in the waiting an they'd rather make the poor child wait a further few weeks when thy could be In your home sooner!!!

Really hope these two weeks fly by!

I've sent some questions about another little man, he's a lot older than we iniially thought but seem drawn to him!! Still waiting for my answers from the other lil man back in November!

Xx

 

[dreamofabean]

Thanks lolly
Rainy I'm really sorry to hear that, it's so flipping frustrating when they move the goal posts hopefully it will be good news in 2 weeks though honey! Keep the faith, remember we waited almost 4 months and it all came good in the end!
Ooh that's exciting Aimze! Fingers crossed for you xx

 

[Loski83]

Hi everyone, rainy I'm sorry to hear your news hopefully two weeks will fly by and you will get the outcome you want. It silly that they leave children sitting in foster placements when there's lovely parents stuck in the world of paperwork waiting for them.
Lolly I had a very clingy child who didn't want to leave me at all about the same time it does change into a nice balance eventually I think they are just trying to settle everything down in their little heads and cling to who they are most comfortable with during the process.
Dream my lo would not touch her bottles while teething even though she wanted them I did read that the sucking motion make the gums more sore and that's why might not be the same with your little man but I gave her teething granules a few minutes before bottle and she drank them.
Hi to everyone else hope the nursery decorating is going good.
My news is I've been accepted into university to do social work and I'm going to start volunteering at the adoption agency that helped us. Lo also starts nursery November the 3rd sounds scary how close it is think I will definetly be a crying mess that day