Adoption journey

[puppymom32]

Sounds like things are going great Loski sorry I forget how old is your lo???

Yay Lolly that is awesome. I would def be calling them.

 

[Loski83]

Great news lolly you will have to get started with your adoption xx my lo is nearly 11 months puppymom32

 

[puppymom32]

Oh duh its in your ticker also. Sorry mommy brain at work.

 

[Lolly1985]

Thanks guys! I called them up and after digging our file out and updating a few details we are back in business She is sending an appointment letter to go and meeting with new SW and then (please please please) prep group

Hope you and your little ones are all doing well. Loski, how is LO doing today? Have you introduced her to any family members yet?

to all xxxxx

 

[Loski83]

Hi that's great lolly
She is doing great today she has been so happy and giggly. She has met loads of family now and is spoilt rotten lol. She is going to a 1st birthday party tomorrow and more people to meet.

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh girls.... I am so angry

After a lovely chat with LA yesterday (an being promised an appointment "very soon") I get another call today and it has all changed again. The woman I spoke with not so nice) said that we could not proceed until June next year as we had received a letter in June of this year raising finacial difficulties as an issue. I explained that no, the letter simply outlined the information I had given the SW when she called to introduce herself as we had been waiting since March to hear back after initial interview due to staff sickness. I said that at no stage did their team say the debt was an issue (it was the VA that said that ), and that while I was sure it would be raised down the line, it was off our own back we had decided to clear it. I said that in being honest we were now being penalised and I didn't quite understand why. She went away, spoke to her manager, came back and said it was still a no. She said that the letter had been a a 'no for now, but not never' letter in light that we were having financial difficulties. I explain again that, no, we were not having difficulties, we always paid the loan on time, had savings and put away each month, and were comfortable. We, and family, had just felt it would look even better to have more coming in each month. She said they could ring back in June, I said I would ring them... or not.

I have had enough and was so upset. It is very insulting. In a way I am glad of all this coming to light as it has made the decidion for me and DF very easy. How can we proceed with an agency we no longer trust. After the call in June with new SW introducing her we thought we would start with them again, and yet again have been let down. I feel we are simply not good enough for them and it is a hurtful feeling. We have a 3 bedroom house, a big garden, a new-ish car, good jobs, childcare experience, close family, good support, plenty of income (even more now), and young and healthy, and yet nope

I wish she had never rung in June. We had decided on VA and then they threw all the crap into the mix and got us thinking. We will go back to the VA (who have since welcomed us with open arms - just rang them!!) and I wish we never questioned it. There are so so so many children in need on loving parents and comfortable homes. We have so much to give a child and yet the LA would rather refuse good people on the front that we ultimately 'received a letter'. i really don't even understand their logic. It's like a box has been checked on their system and it can't be undone so we have to suffer. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

All this on top of being sent home poorly from work is making me But I know that this will all work out for the best and I pray that going with the VA is the best thing we ever did. Just look at Loski

Thanks for listening girls. I know you will understand how unjust the system can be xxxxxx

 

[puppymom32]

Awww Lolly hun that is completely horrible of them. Stupid people you are def more than qualified to provide a stable loving home. In the end I am sure this is what was meant to happen. There is a loving child with the VA that is waiting for you to welcome them home. Big Hugs.

 

[Lolly1985]

Thank you so much Puppymom, you and kind words mean a lot.

I have calmed down a little now, and am just kicking myself for giving them a second chance. You should always go with your gut. We have had inconsistancies and delays with LA, and we haven't actually formally started the process yet!! March was interview, SW quite 'old school' but ok. Rang to chase up after 4 weeks and was told SW on holiday. Didn't hear back for 10 weeks in total. Then got a letter saying they were sorry but SW had gone on sick leave and was transferring teams and they would be in touch. A couple of weeks later the new SW rang. We had a nice chat and I updated her re, clearing the loan. She was very positive and said to ring as soon as it was cleared to arrange another appointment. A week later (in June now) a letter came (the one I said about earlier) It looked a standard letter saying they hoped we could sort our finances and wished us luck doing so. So then I ring yesterday. Spoke to another lovely lady who again, was very positive, said we will have an appointment "very soon" and it all looked good to go. then today this. Do they even know what they are talking about?!!

I know that this will all work out, and I have confidence in VA. I am just so angry at the system. People have to jump through hoops, and all the while children are left in the system for even longer. They want, need, more adopters but in the same breath seem to push you away. I'm not stupid, some need to have time out etc, but this seems daft. Plus very unfair as they keep building our hopes up and then taking that away. Well enough is enough

 

[Milty]

Well at least you didn't staple your finger as a kid so it should all work out

 

[Milty]

You can't trust staple people

 

[Lolly1985]

Now that's true Milty... that's when you know there is real trouble brewing

 

[Loski83]

Lolly it will all work out and va's are good also a lot younger children are being adopted through vas now we where shown 22 in total in 1 week.
Hope everyone has a good weekend I have been to a 1st birthday party with my princess today she was the only girl there and looked so cute in her party dress. It's my nephews party tomorrow but not sure whether I'm going to take her as there will be a load of 5 year olds and might be a bit to much for her. Anyway good night everyone I'm off to bed as I have a 6 am alarm clock. Lolly enjoy your sleep while you can cause it won't be long till you have your little one waking you up xx

 

[dreamofabean]

Hi girls, I hope you don't mind me popping in
I've been following this thread for a while but haven't commented yet!
Loki congrats on your little girl! I can only imagine how amazing it feels! Lolly I'm glad you've made an informed decision and know who you're going forward with
I'm just at the beginning of my adoption journey, have met with sw and they're happy to proceed but there's no places on training until march so a long wait!! We can however start some basic paperwork and looking into our family tree so were meeting with sw again on 23rd October to start

 

[Butterfly67]

Oh Lolly, just catching up now, no wonder there are so many children in care requiring adoption when they do things like this and turn down perfectly good parents! Utterly ridiculous!

It does however confirm my thoughts that I would not pass any tests though. Single, hardly much of a support network, would have to rely on benefits, health problems and plan to move house soon among other things. So I think for me all on hold until I can think that I might have a chance at least

Milty, have you actually passed those fingerprint tests yet?

 

[Lolly1985]

Thanks for the kind words girls. I don't feel disappointed in not proceeding with the LA. As soon as I calmed down I was actually so excited and relieved that we finally have a concrete decision that we both feel excited about. I am still very put out surrounding the principles of the conversation with the LA, but I guess what does it matter to us, VA all the way, yeah!!! Its the children waiting that makes me The system fails them time and time again.

So awaiting a call tomorrow from the VA SW who did our home visit. She did say previously that as soon as the debt was clear to ring her up and she would get us straight onto prep. There is one in a month but knowing our luck it'll be full.... watch this space (and please keep your fingers crossed!) She also said if we were waiting a long tyime for prep we would start other checks, and even maybe HS. Although with Christmas coming up it may not work out that way.

BF, I'm sorry you feel you have had to come to that conclusion, so much red tape huh. I understand your worries, and i'm sure they would be raised by SWs, but is it all clear cut? We would not pass tests at this stage with LA but do with VA. 6 months back LA were saying I was too young, VA saw it as a positive. LA said that 6 months post treatment was too soon, VA were happy in our answers that we were ready to go. What I have learned so far is that the goalposts are very flexible between agencies. I wish you love, luck and hugs in your next steps.

Hi DOB, nice to see a familiar face. I hope you feel as at peace as I did when we decided adoption was the way forward. We are at similar stages (ie, the beginning ) It will be nice to comapre notes, while getting guidance from the experienced adopters on here. That and lovely stories about the LOs which make you even more sure this is the right path to walk.

Loski, hope you and the family have all had a great weekend.

Milty, are you still looking at profiles? Any headway with the little girl, I imagine the waiting must be a killer.

Puppymom, hope you and your little man are doing good.

Hugs to Lyndsey and Zero if you are reading.

Will keep you posted.... yikes, so nervous. My irrational fears are in overload after what has happened. Please let it all be ok, it feels we have been waiting for so long... xxxxx

 

[dreamofabean]

Thanks Lolly yeah will be great to be in touch during the process! I'm excited but It feels so far away at the moment!! Oh well, we've waited three long years so far so I guess it's not too bad!!

 

[Lolly1985]

It always feels forever but at the same time is really positive that they are getting things started in the meantime. You can start gathering bits, ie, writing a chronology of significant events for you and DH, family tree you are on with, maybe they will allow you to submit a CRB? Have you done any reading? I only have on forums - here, FF and adoption UK - but feel that I have learned so much from others experiences alrteady. I want to download some books onto my kindle, but last week the charger broke. DF promised to sort it today (and then proceeded to watch the football ) May just have to log into his amazon account and make a few purchases instead... Haven't wanted to get any until now as I felt I wanted to be going through the process and able to get excited. Just hoping tomorrow is good news.

We first enquired about adoption in January. We had 2 meetings and then spent a few months out clearing our debt and having some 'us' time. i feel this really has helped DF all the more. And suddenly it's September What i'm trying to say is time will fly

 

[dreamofabean]

Thanks hun
We have read a bit but not a huge deal. However step sister is a foster carer and we have learnt a lot from the child she had in her care who was adopted. Have a good idea of the process and what it'll entail.
In a way I'm happy we have some sort of a wait as it gives us some 'us' time. We spent so long ttc and then the icsi and it's only been in the past couple if months that we've felt like people again!! So it'll be nice to enjoy each other again and also give us time to save s bit more for adoption leave and baby things

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh yeah of course you do, you will have a great knowledge already. And what a fab support you sis will be throughout this. The LA SW did suggest doing some reading to 'fill my time' until we are eligible to apply with them, surrounding child development... Is it wrong that I took great pleasure in telling her told her I had just finished a BA Hons in early years learning and development, so would that be sufficiant....? (My defence is I was MAD!)

 

[Milty]

Yes my fingerprints have been approved. We can not learn anymore about the little girl for 2.5 months.

I was supposed to have a meeting with SW to review our matches last Friday but had to cancel it. Now I'm afraid we have been put to the bottom of the list and won't get another meeting for 6 to 8 weeks.