Adoption journey

[LolaM]

I have my first home visit this wednesday. Tue is our 4th training. I am hoping to get the room painted during my holiday break. Im grappling with that choice...to paint or not to paint. We hvae chosen a color called hi-ho silver, its an elephant grey color. We are also going to get a new carpet in there. Does it look bad when the home inspectors come and the bed is IN the room but not actually put together?

 

[Milty]

No it's fine. It doesn't look bad at all. In our case we were not sure if we would need a crib a toddler bed or even a bunk bed if we got siblings. They just want to see that your planning and have the space. Also they look to see that your are looking out for safety. Such as outlet plugs and such. They even check to see if you have a fire extinguisher.

 

[LolaM]

No it's fine. It doesn't look bad at all. In our case we were not sure if we would need a crib a toddler bed or even a bunk bed if we got siblings. They just want to see that your planning and have the space. Also they look to see that your are looking out for safety. Such as outlet plugs and such. They even check to see if you have a fire extinguisher.

We do. We have and we are. We have our class tonight, hubs is making grilled ham and cheese sammies. Im chilling on the couch. I go on break next week for 3 weeks. Im off the meds for the first time in a year, its odd. I keep thinking there is something i should be doing but i just dont know what, lol.

 

[fluffystar]

Hi Ladies,

I hope you're all ok. Ive been lying low and getting to know you all and where you are all at as you post etc. Do forgive me for no personal messages yet, it feels a bit impolite to just barge in! I do feel as if I have gone from being an old timer joining other ladies through several cycles of IVF and being the last left, to now going back to being a newbie again lol!! Im picking up all the new abbreviations, I think, as I read your posts and will get the hang of it soon x

We have sent in our expression of interest letter and questionnaire to the first LA this week and tomorrow go to another LAs information session in the evening then hope to send a similar letter to them. Im hoping that one of them will want to take us on, just a little worried that my previous depression will be an issue but I tried to explain things and the changes I have made as best I can so will just keep my fingers crossed and hope that they will give me the opportunity to discuss face to face.

Fluffy x

 

[Loski83]

Hi fluffy I hope that you feel comfortable to just chat and ask for any advice that you would like.
Hi Lola I hope today went well with your hs. The room will be fine just do what you feel comfortable with.
Hi milty hope all is going well.
Hi everyone else hope you are all doing well and santa will be here soon I'm so excited xx

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi all!!

Lola, sooo, how did it go? Great I hope!!

Loski, wow you must be so excited for your first family Christmas You too Zero

Fluffy, don't worry about personals, as and when you feel ready! I know what you mean about being 'left behind'. It is so hard when you are the one constantly getting the BFNs But this is the start of a new and exciting journey and it will be fab Don't worry about the depression. Yes it will be discussed, yes they will need to ensure you are not currently at risk, yes you will need to have plans in place in the hope it doesn't happen again, BUT if that is all ok spin it into a positive. What have you learnt from it? You have overcome it, got through the hard times, you and DH and are stronger for it etc etc. It is what SWs love

Hi Milty, any news?

So DF has his medical tomorrow Mine next week Had to actually go to the docs this week as I have been spotting on and off for a while. He said he was not worried at all and that it is my hormone levels fluctuating from my pcos and endo. So I am back on the pill! Crazy as have been off the pill for many many years. I guess this 100% signifies the end of having a biological child, but do you know what, i'm feeling quite happy about it all.

We have had worksheets 3, 4 and 5 emailed accross so best get going over Christmas as SW is back on 3rd January. All go all round

Love to you all xxxxx

 

[dreamofabean]

Hi girls!
Hope everyone is well!
Bet loski and zero are so excited about Christmas!!!
Lolly all sounds good
We're just on count down til training now!! We still haven't had written confirmation but apparently they don't normally send that our until a couple of weeks before?!

 

[Milty]

Well I actually got a call from my SW tonight. I missed it but was excited anyway. She also sent me an email as I have forms that have expired and have to be redone. Joy!

At lest we a moving along.

 

[Lolly1985]

Exactly Milty, little steps but in the right direction

Hope you get your letter soon Dream, come January it'll be all systems go!! Are you still making the scrapbook?

Just wanted to tell you that DF sailed through his medical. Did urine test to look for blood/sugar, neuro test (follow my finger, resist my hand, walk in a straight line etc), blood pressure, eye sight, height, weight, talked through any old but significant illnesses on his medical records. Then he filled 'doctor bit' and done!

Mine is next Wednesday at 4.30 Well I'm out with work for a three course Christmas lunch so no doubt my BMI will be slightly higher then normal

Off for tea tonight with the girls, not til later though and i'm starving now!! Already gone through a cup of tea, biscuits and a punnet of blueberries, random but yummy

Friday tomorrow, then we are nearly there! Roll on Saturday

 

[Loski83]

Hi everyone, we have had our second review today and hopefully our last. Court papers get handed in this week then it's just waiting till we get a date. We don't go to first court date but as long as everything is ok on the day we have 100% parental rights from then for our baby. Then we wait for a celebration date to go to a court near us and get her new birth certificate. We can't wait till its all legal and done with and we can say bye bye to social workers even though ours are lovely. Hope everyone has a good weekend xx

 

[LolaM]

SW made an informal visit just to meet and answer questions. We need another smoke detector and a pediatrician lol we have lots to do before jan 29th. My coworker is preg and the other is trying for her 2nd. Sigh...

 

[Loski83]

Lolam don't worry about people being pregnant I know it's really hard, however just remember most people can have babies but not all of them can make good parents. That's where we all come in we take these children into our home, family, heart and accept everything about them. You go through the adoption process and feel heartbroken when you get told someone is pregnant, however we get the same result at the end of our journey a child to love forever and call us mammy and daddy. You will get there just keep strong xx

 

[fluffystar]

Hi Ladies,

For those of you that are in the UK, did you make enquiries with several different LAs? We went to our second one last night and it couldnt have been more different from the first. They seemed so much more positive whereas I think the other one took the approach of giving you a reality check and focussing on how hard it is. Im quite confused now as last nights one was really welcoming but I know they are much smaller and have less children to place, where as the first one is much a much larger LA and has a lot more children to place.
We have requested an intial visit from both to get a better idea and feel from them - the first one told us there was a 2-3 month wait for this whereas last nights one said they would see us within 7-10 days. I would be really interested to hear how any of you ladies chose which LA or agency to go with?

xx

 

[Lolly1985]

Hi all!

Loski That is brilliant news!! So happy for you, I reiterate... what an amazing Christmas this will be for your lovely family

Lola, sorry you are being faced with aby bumps left right and centre. It is so hard, I understand your pain. But the further on you get in this journey it does start to melt away. You WILL be a mummy, it is just a different road to travel before you get there. I work with children and sometimes the challenge hurts my heart. But it is getting easier and I know that once our LOs are with us the journey will be so worth it, as it brought us our babies. I'm sure the yummy mummies on here would agree

Fluffy, you sound like you are doing the right thing. We met with an LA, didn't get a good vibe, then met with a VA, got a fab vibe. Then I phoned another LA and what they were offering didn't sound quite right. THEN, our original LA rang back and a new and more positive and friendly SW said she would be taking our case on - old one had left. So having been sure we would proceed with VA we were lured back in. Had a telephone chat, all fine, sent letter and told to expect a call within the week to have another initial interview in order to meet new SW and get on a prep course. Then 2 days later the manager called and LA rejected us!!!! It was unreal. We had paid off some debt (off our own back, they never stipulated we needed to!) and they felt we needed time to prove we wouldn't get into debt again. I asked why this had not been raised before, and why, when we felt we were being proactive and addressing an issue ourselves, were we being penalised I told her it was accumulated debt from both having to previously sell houses shared with exes at a considerable loss due to the climate. That it would and could not happen again!!

Anyway, I am ranting.... it proved that VA had been right all along. Even if LA had backed down we would not have proceeded with them after lots of long waits, poor communication with team members and inconsistancies in what we were being told. Sometimes things like this pop up and pint you in the right direction.

We are with VA and have not looked back, they are fab!! I alwasy remember Loski saying her VA had been brill and hoping we would find a great agency, and now we have, and you will too! Good luck

Woah.... long post.... I will step down from my soap box now

 

[fluffystar]

Thanks Lolly, we hadnt even looked at any VA yet, though I remember the first LA saying they also worked closely with a VA which was based in the same area so sort of got the impression you may get the benefit of both (no idea how though?!?)

Will just wait and see how the initial visits go I guess xxx

 

[Lolly1985]

Quite often agencies are part of consortiums and they all work closely together and 'share children' so to speak. We are lucky that we are in a large consortium area. There are many children waiting which is terribly sad, but SW said that in a kind of strange way we are in a good position because of that... feels sad to think like that though

 

[Loski83]

We went with a va after speaking to several la who where horrible to us. Our va is fantastic though and have a very good reputation with most people.

 

[zero7]

Hi all

Sorry I don't update regularly - find it hard to fit everything in these days!

Hope everyone is well and progressing nicely. I have had a very quick catch up read and it seems that way! Anyone experiencing a bumpy ride, it is a bumpy journey for most, so you are not alone. Stick at it - it took us 2.5 years and the end result is amazing!

Loski- I am loving your news We have had our first LAC review and all was well. We have had two SW visits (pickles and ours) and have got the HV coming on Monday - everything is falling into place!

LO is settling in so well and every day the bond grows stronger. She is such a gorgeous little girl We put the tree up last night and she saw it this morning when she woke up - her reaction was priceless! Can't wait for Christmas morning

XXXXX

 

[Lolly1985]

Awww, it melts your heart doesn't it Zero What a lovely image, and what a lovely family unit you all sound

Loski, how is your littlie enjoying all the added sparkle, lights and festivities? I bet the biys are super excited too!

Bluebumble - do you still read? I remember you saying panel had been put back until December time... I do hope we read your good news soon

How is everyone? Any news - adoption related? Christmas related? Hope evryone is feeling the Christmas cheer this year

So I am medically 'fit to adopt'!!! Woohoo! Although having had mine after my 3 course (plus coffee and chocolate, so technically 4 course) work Christmas lunch was not the best. When he felt my stomach I thought I might puke!! Luckily my BMI was within range still - felt like I had put a stone on

He stalled a little too long over my urine sample dip stick test, so I of course started panicking. All was of course fine So then I worried my heart was racing when he took my pulse Will I ever now worry?!!!

So next steps are two more HS sessions in January, and our final day of prep 31st Jan. Looking forward to seeing everyone from the group again. I can't believe we are about half way now

 

[LolaM]

My SW is finishing up our application. We had our 5th class last night. We wont have another til after the new year. I have to have a physical but I need the paperwork for the dr to fill out.