Adoption journey

[Lolly1985]

Dream, have been thinking of you. How are you holding up lovely?

Hi everyone

Well today is a turning point. the cat and the car have been ever so stressful. What I haven't posted is that I have also been contending with some health issues - pain and abnormal bleeds - and have been having some tests to check for nothing sinister. I have been so terrified, but thankfully it seems that it is my endo, hormones and cysts all playing up I say thankfully, of course it is annoying, but it is part of life, it is just scary when the docs feel they need to be checking for cancers

But the letter today saying all is NORMAL has lifted a horrible cloud that has been consuming us. I feel that my little cat is now looking after us like we did with him. He is my angel.

Anyway, visit yesterday went so well. We only have 2 or max of 3 HS sessions left. SW said we are 'very strong applicants' and is really plesed with how we are doing We discussed childcare experience and a little about matching. Next time we are looking more into matching considerations and looking at CPRs so she can get a feel for what we can/can't cope with. After that we are going to go have a mock Q and A session like panel may do, and tie up some loose ends. She hopes she can get us to panel in May, but only if there is space (all crossed!)

Next Thursday we have our final prep day. Feeling happy again today. Missing my boy, but I feel him with me

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh, and to celebrate the all clear I have brought a baby book specifically for adopted children. Can't wait for it to arrive. Our first purchase

 

[LolaM]

Not sure we are going to make it through this. We have to meet in SW office. That cAnt be good

 

[dreamofabean]

I'm doing ok thanks Lolly I don't think it has even begun to sink in yet tbh.
Well prep is all finished now I found it tough and quite negative at first tbh but I've really enjoyed the past 3 sessions! Will call ss on Monday n ask when we'll be assigned a sw!
Great news it's nothing sinister lolly! Xx

 

[Lolly1985]

Aww I bet hun, it is bound to take time to come to terms with things. It is just so unfair We are here if you need to let of steam or vent

Hope you get allocated a SW asap, roll on HS!

Really glad you have finished prep though, big milestone! I know what you mean about the negativity. Our first day was the toughest. We had to build a wall with blocks that had comments on, and then take out the blocks that had been missing in a child's early life, so things like cuddles, communication, warmth, safety etc. Hense the wall falls down demonstrating that the foundations in early life are key for a solid future. You knew where it was going as soon as the bag on bricks was plonked on the table but still depressing BUT then we spoke about regression and the adoptive families filling those gaps back in, and low and behold, the wall stood firm again. Where do they get their ideas from I guess a visual can be powerful though

 

[dreamofabean]

Yeah visuals can be really powerful!
The activity we hated was one where you had to brainstorm your 'fantasy' child. Again we knew instantly it was to knock you down and tell you that you won't get that it made me really cross though as if they'd have reworded it to expectations of a child etc. I just found it pointless tbh and it really riled me! Lol.
We did a mock panel exercise today and lucky me was chosen to be an adopter who got interrogated! Ha ha! Really put us on the spot but it was interesting! X

 

[Lolly1985]

Oh wow, that is hard, how do they know that your child will not display or have the qualities of what you write anyway? Ok, they are demonstarting you must not have unrealistic expectations, and all children are unique and will have certain needs, but sometimes they make the children out to be so damaged that you wonder if they are just scare mongering a little

We did another where we wrote down 4 important things to us and then had to select one at a time to throw away, showing that we ask children to do this often, by moving homes, changing names etc. it all was about identity and how we felt put in that type of position. There were many more but I mainly remember the headache at the end of the day!!

But day 2 I liked more, and day 3 I loved! We have day 4 next week and it would be really interesting if we did the mock panel exercise, although maybe to sit back and observe, not be put on the spot like you!! Well done! Our SW did say she would do a mock interview type exercise soon to prepare us a little for questioning. Eeek!

 

[dreamofabean]

Although I was dying at the time i found it really useful! Dh only had to ask a question n came away from it with totally different views to us!
We had an exercise about identity too that was similar! We had an adoptive parent come to talk to us today too. I knew her she was a teacher at a school I'd done a placement in as a student! Lol
Yeah that exercise was pointless in my view! The qualities we wrote down were probably not achievable in any child, not just an adopted one!
I have definitely felt that a lot if the info demonises the children! I just have to remind myself of my step sisters foster children and how they are or it becomes really overwhelming!

 

[Lolly1985]

Tell me about it! We both know children and have worked with, and also personally know children being fostered or have been adopted, BUT it is so easy to forget the innocent LO at the middle of this process I know they have to prepare you but it is all often so theory based, as it has to be, you can become wrapped up in it all

 

[Loski83]

Wow lolly so close it won't be long now and pleased to hear everything is ok health wise.
Dream of a bean pleased you enjoyed the last few days of prep.
Lolam don't panic to much if there's anything wrong they may just want to talk to you to try and sort it out. Hope everyone else is ok.
Ours news is our beautiful little girl took her first steps yesterday only 5 but we are very proud parents and she is standing up by herself all the time.

 

[LolaM]

Oh wow, that is hard, how do they know that your child will not display or have the qualities of what you write anyway? Ok, they are demonstarting you must not have unrealistic expectations, and all children are unique and will have certain needs, but sometimes they make the children out to be so damaged that you wonder if they are just scare mongering a little

We did another where we wrote down 4 important things to us and then had to select one at a time to throw away, showing that we ask children to do this often, by moving homes, changing names etc. it all was about identity and how we felt put in that type of position. There were many more but I mainly remember the headache at the end of the day!!

But day 2 I liked more, and day 3 I loved! We have day 4 next week and it would be really interesting if we did the mock panel exercise, although maybe to sit back and observe, not be put on the spot like you!! Well done! Our SW did say she would do a mock interview type exercise soon to prepare us a little for questioning. Eeek!

Yup. They had us do the same take away activity. They DO make the kids seem like monsters but I know it's not true so I just to brush it off but sometimes it makes me angry!

 

[Lolly1985]

Ahhh Loski that is lovly news, no stopping the little lady now So now you have to go and move EVERYTHING UP

 

[dreamofabean]

Aww how lovely loski!! X

 

[LolaM]

Went to goodwill today, bought a new toy, an ABC drum, it was $1 and i couldnt resist! Hope I didnt jinx myself!

 

[Aimee4311]

Good evening all! I stumbled upon your thread about a week and a half ago and just finished reading through it!

Loski and Zero, congratulations on your adoptions! Everyone else who is still in the process, good luck and stay strong!

I am not in the adoption process, we just had our daughter in November. I'm just reading up and researching because we are trying to decide whether to have another, or adopt. OH is adopted, and its something we've both considered for a while!

I'll be happily following y'all's journeys!

 

[Loski83]

Lolam don't worry about buying things I bought loads including a cot before being matched with a little one. When's your meeting in sw office? Good luck with it.
Lolly you get way more homework than we got hope your managing to work your way through it.
Zero I'm pleased to hear pickle is doing great and you all sound really happy.
Aimee welcome to the thread hope it wasn't a bore to read, I think we all enjoy coming on here for whatever reason we need to and hope it helps you with your future decision. Xx

 

[LolaM]

Lolam don't worry about buying things I bought loads including a cot before being matched with a little one. When's your meeting in sw office? Good luck with it.
Lolly you get way more homework than we got hope your managing to work your way through it.
Zero I'm pleased to hear pickle is doing great and you all sound really happy.
Aimee welcome to the thread hope it wasn't a bore to read, I think we all enjoy coming on here for whatever reason we need to and hope it helps you with your future decision. Xx

I meet with SW on Wed afternooon, Im sure Im overreacting, we are so close to the end. About another month to go before we are fully certified!

 

[Lyns]

Matching panel tomorrow........gulp!!!

 

[Milty]

ohh you guys will be fine...I know this is hard but please don't stress to much

 

[Loski83]

Lyns good luck for tomorrow not that you need it and hope you get to see a photo of your son after matching panel xx