Adoption journey

[Lolly1985]

Dream!!! You sooooo know i'm happy happy happy for you! Roll on next week and everything crossed that this is now your time

Karen, wow i'm so sorry to hear about the worry with jobs and leave, it must be a big worry How long has hubby got left in school?

First LAC review in the morning, yet again a house full of social workers I'll have to get out the posh mugs

Love to everyone xxx

 

[dreamofabean]

Never mind the posh mugs, make sure you have cake
Thanks Hun I can't wait to know now, esp after doing his talking album tonight! Makes it more real!

 

[Lolly1985]

No cake No biscuits Ooops.... well it is 9am, i'll offer them toast or a bowl of cereal instead

It is real hun, just waiting for it to be rubber stamped more than anything

 

[dreamofabean]

Oh well, get pink to blow kisses at them, everything will be forgiven! Lol. Hope all goes well honey xx

 

[karenh]

Good luck with your meeting Lolly, I am sure it will go splendidly.

Prayerful how fun to make your talking book! Hopefully you can find things to keep you busy for the next week. I am really excited for you!

DH still has 2-3 years left of school. It is a blessing that he is able to go to school and when he is done we really hope he will be able to get a job that will support the family and I will be able to stay home and take care of the kids. I was doing really well being optimistic about it all and just knowing we can make it work somehow until I started looking into breastfeeding. One website said that it is best to have at least a 6 month maternity leave. Because I don't have a paid leave with this job I will probably only be able to afford to take two weeks off. Even if I wasn't breastfeeding that isn't enough time for proper bonding and not nearly the time I want with my baby. No on the drive to work this morning I was wondering if I should find a different job that will have maternity leave. I would more than likely get less money, which makes me worried about paying our bills. I don't know what to do! The average wait for a baby is 2 years. If Justin can finish school by the end of Fall term 2015 then we might be OK if it takes 2 years. However, I DON'T WANT IT TO TAKE ANOTHER 2 YEARS! I want to be approved the end of this month and be chosen by the end of the year. I know there is a good possibility that won't happen, but our caseworker did say the average is two years, but if could be anywhere from 2 weeks to 4-5 years. I just don't know what to do. Sorry for all the rambling, I am just starting to try and get this all figured out in my head.

 

[Lolly1985]

Meeting went well thanks Karen, everyone is very happy with her progress and tonight she took her first steps!! We were so proud, I messaged everyone I know, haha Little pinks social worker mentioned something about another addition. We don't know if it was a passing comment or if birth mother is pregnant again. I hope not yet, but watch this space I suppose.

I really feel for you Karen, it's so hard not knowing and not being able to plan. 2 weeks leave is nothing and you would be heartbroken going back to work so soon. But equally money counts for an awful lot so it's so difficult Thinking of you lovely xxx

Big hugs to everyone xxx

 

[karenh]

I am so glad the meeting went well and how exciting that she took her first steps! What a wonderful experiance. I am so glad you were able to be there for her.

If birth mom is pregnant would you take the newborn? I know a lot of people have concerns about that and I totally understand them. DH and I have talked about this exact senario though and we both agree we would. Of cource we don't have one yet so we might change our tune when it actually happens. : )

 

[dreamofabean]

Lol Karen! Snap
Lolly as you know I'm chuffed the review went well and yay to steps so special you saw them in your home
It's definitely a strange thing to say unless they know something, time will tell I suppose! As I mentioned, little mans parents have asked if they were to get pg, would the baby be taken, so they are obv considering it! A year's grace would be nice though wouldn't it?! Ha ha!
Karen I can only imagine how stressful it is knowing you get such a short mat leave! Would your hubby stay at home and care for the little one? Would you get a baby from birth or one who has been through the care system? Don't really understand how it works where you are x

 

[LolaM]

here, just because a parent has a child removed from their care doesnt automatically mean children born after that would be taken away. They give the parents a chance to show they have grown and can parent but they watch them closely. We had the same issue, we were struggling wtih whether or not to take babys older siblings, who need alot of care and attention when someone mentioned they thought mom might be pregnant again!

 

[Lolly1985]

It is the same here too Lola, the birth parents are re-assessed on the birth of any subsequent children. But in our case birth mothers difficulties are ongoing. They only way she would keep a baby is if the father was deemed to fit to support both mother and child, and so far this has not happened for any of the 5 children. I hope we don't have that decision to make as it would massively affect my maternity leave with work and I don't think we would afford it right now. It's so tricky as I could have little pink and work part time, whatever holidays etc, but I couldn't manage that with two right now. Ahhhh, why did she have to say anything?!!

 

[karenh]

I am a contractor so I don't have ANY maternity leave. The only income we have is from my job because DH lost his and he decided to finish school. I say two weeks because I may be able to squeeze by with two weeks without pay and not lose my job if I am lucky, but any more than that and we won't be able to pay our bills. This wasn't the case when we started adopting. Dh was employed so I wasn't nearly as worried about trying to ask for days off work. He would be able to stay home the days he doesn't have school, which is only two days a week. I know we will figure something out and I wasn't worried about it really before yesterday, but yesterday I just had an anxiety attack thinking about it.

What did you mean by snap? We are getting a baby from birth.

Lola how is your little guys doing?!? Is there any more news about permanency or them wanting you to take his siblings?

 

[karenh]

Oh, I forgot to mention, I know someone who adopted a child from foster care, then the mother got pregnant and she got that baby and it happened two more times. She now has 4 children who are all siblings and 3 of them from birth.

 

[LolaM]

I hear ya, babys mother has ongoing probs and no support or comprehension to get them under control, so im sure that while it might not happen at birth, the child would indeed be removed from her care. CPS wanted us to take babies 2 siblings, a 2 y/o and a 6 year old. We thought/fought about it for several weeks before meeting the kiddos and realizing that they need/deserve way more care than my hubs and i can give them. heartbreaking

 

[karenh]

I know that was a hard decision, but it sounds like the best one for the kids. They need to be in a situation where they can get the care they need. Where are things on being able to adopt your little man?

 

[LolaM]

I know that was a hard decision, but it sounds like the best one for the kids. They need to be in a situation where they can get the care they need. Where are things on being able to adopt your little man?

They are nowhere.We have court on Nov 22 and we ARE going ahead with severance of parental rights. they are however still looking at an aunt as a blood relative and a mystery grampa as a blood relative but its not likely. the mother doesnt even know who the dad is, or she isnt telling anyways. CPS went ahead and found 2 homes that would take all 3 kids but it is still up to the judge. MY husband and i prepared a little speech for him to read in court because i will not be able to keep the sass and attitude down, as i am very annoyed with CPS and am ready to toss in the towel. It is unacceptable that they are even considering the IDEA to remove this child from our home, after all, he has been with us most of his life.

 

[puppymom32]

We were asked when we adopted my son how we felt about sibilings in the future. My son has two older sisters that are still living with his birth mother. She is not doing so well and leaves them with random people boyfriends family ect... I told the soc worker that if they ever were put under their care to please let us know as we would love to adopt them. I am there great aunt so there is a good chance that they would go with us as we are family. Because our situation was backwards from most and we got Xav before we even started the adoption process I had no maternity leave at all. I could of taken family leave without pay but we need our legal fees and the additional cost of providing for a baby because we had nothing when we brought him home was too much I only took a week of vacation and worked for home for a week that was all the bonding time that we had before I had to go back to work. I think it almost worked better for us because he has just always known mommy has to go to work. My income is substantial and we just couldnt afford for me not to work. Plus I didnt have that time home with him and then dreaded having to go back to work it would have been really hard to go back. It was pretty rough for the first few weeks having a non sleeping 4 week old and trying to work.

 

[puppymom32]

That is horrible Lola where were these relatives when the baby was first born. I dont think they should take him away for someone that didnt come forward to begin with. Hopefully because he has no bond with his other sibilings they can allow them to be placed seperatly.

 

[aimze]

Hello ladies I've been silently stalking

Massive hugs to you all, I love reading!

X

 

[karenh]

Puppymom thanks for your words, they were helpful. I am doing better today trying to take it just one day at a time. We don't know what will happen and we will deal with it when we have more of an idea.


Lola: I can't believe what they are still trying to figure something out with an aunt and a who know if he is even real grandfather. I am sorry you are going through all this. You can now see why we did not want to try adopting with the state again. I hope the judge is more reasonable and realises how good you are for your son and how it will benefit him to stay with you. I know exaclty what you mean about how you would react in court, I would be the same way. Good idea of writing something down for DH to say. I pray everything works out.

Aimze I'm glad you are stocking. How are you doing? Where are you in your process?

 

[LolaM]

thanks ladies. That is just it--where were these people when the older 2 kids were removed and before babydoll was even born? Legally, they have to put out a notice of paternity and do blood tests. Let it drag on because in AZ, 6 months is enough to establish a "legal" relationship and we will have a better chance of keeping baby face. We wrote someting down so my husband would know what to say and what NOT to say lol. I keep wanting to tell CPS to stuff it, but hubs says we have to keep going, we have more kids to help. He is braver and stronger than i am! The only ones that want him to be with his siblings is CPS its their "policy". I say policy shmolicy. you dont have policy with babies--you have policies about drugs, and the condition of a home and background checks, but NOT WITH BABIES! Hopefully we have enough people on our side, that the judge agrees with them.