Advice for a visitor from 2nd tri.

[Caramel]

Hi ladies

Just after some feedback/opinions really, hoping not to start any heated debates! Sorry in advance for the long post.

I had intended to breast feed when baby arrives. However, due to my own and family history with depression (including postnatal) I've been flagged as being at very high risk of suffering postnatal depression. My usual depression triggers are exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed/under pressure (amongst others). The thought of breastfeeding is now already beginning to stress me out as it will mean I'm solely responsible for feeding babe and DH and other family will not be able to help - perhaps not advisable when my consultant stressed that I need to receive as much help and support as I can precisely so I don't feel overwhelmed. Much though I hate to admit it I don't do well with feeling like everything is on my shoulders and am dreading the exhaustion that breastfeeding could lead to, and ultimately that it could trigger PND. Spoke with DH last night and am now considering not breastfeeding, but instead expressing my milk so that we can both bottle feed which makes sense as I'm lucky enough to have a DH who'll be very hands on with helping with the baby. At the moment I can't see any disadvantages to this, I won't be solely responsible for feeds, DH can help with night feeds when/if I get too tired, DH will get the pleasure of helping with feeding (which I know he's dying to do although he won't say cos he wants me to do what's best for me, bless!), it's still free (apart from purchasing more bottles and a pump) and it's still considered the best milk for baby (although I'm in now way against f/feeding which I'll obviously do if my own milk doesn't come through). It also means that if I need an afternoon or even a whole day to myself so I can catch up on sleep/rest, my sister or MIL will be able to take baby for me because they'll be able to do feeds too. The only obvious disadvantage I can think of so far is that it will mean farting around with bottles, especially in the middle of the night, but hopefully this will balance out with the fact that DH will be able to help me. Planning to do this option also means I now feel the pressure is off re breastfeeding, which is actually making me want to do it, or at least try it out of curiosity, rather than feeling like I have to do it. So I may plan to express and bottle feed, but might give breastfeeding a go but give it up if it starts to become too much.

So any feedback would be gratefully received. I guess I'd especially like to hear from anyone who opted to bottle feed but only with expressed milk. I'd also be grateful to hear from those of you who are mixing breast-feeding with expressing - when were you able to start baby on the bottle, how many feeds a day do you do bottle and how many breast, has your milk supply been able to cope with both, and how's it been in general?

Am happy to hear all opinions, even if they're not in favour of what i'm hoping to do.

 

[princessellie]

i considered exclusively expressing a while back but it looks a LOT of work, much harder than BFing in my opinion, u need to talk to michy, she has been exclusively expressing for her LO so she will give u the best advice

good luck babes

x

 

[Hevz]

I have suffered from severe postnatal depression each time I've had a child (but seem ok up to now after my last baby, keep your fingers crossed). I have breastfed exclusively and expressed milk from about 5-8weeks onwards after each child so I can get out and do things if I need to have some time alone or with friends etc.

This is only MY opinion remember and others may feel differently...but I feel that breastfeeding has actually helped me and if I had FF I think I would have felt a whole lot worse. I feel "needed" by the baby as they need me to feed and grow which makes me feel useful and proud that I'm "growing" my babies all by myself IYKWIM. Without meaning to be rude to FF Mummies...anyone can do all the other stuff like feed baby bottles, change bums, bath them etc but only Mummy can give baby "Mummy milk" which made me feel special IYKWIM?

Of course you don't want to give yourself too much pressure either so keep an open mind but my mind was made up as I had always longed to breastfeed my babies and nothing was gonna stop me. Even when I felt like I was dying with tonsillitis when my eldest daughter was just a couple of months old....I wouldn't give in and let hubby give her any formula as that wasn't what I wanted. I couldn't even stand up, thinking about it now makes me cringe as I was way too tough on myself but hey ho...I'm stubborn

One of the advantages of breastfeeding is that if you have lots of visitors and need to get away from them you can always snatch baby back and say you're going to feed baby in the bedroom where it's quiet. That's what I used to do and watch tv without everyone getting on my nerves. If MIL wanted to hold baby the whole time and was bugging me then I would say "baby needs feeding now" snatch her back and pop her on the breast (am I a bitch)


Do what's right for you babe...not what's right for anyone else as these first moments can't be relived and you may regret it if you don't follow your heart.

If you want to chat or discuss it further then don't hesitate to pm me

Gotta go now as Erin's just woke up and is yelling for her milk

 

[ryder]

I believe Michy exclusively pumps... I tried bfing and pumping in the beginning, and both were hard. I think the optimal plan for you to try if your going to have enough help, would be to try bfing, and once you get a good supply, try pumping enough for a bottle or 2 a day so your hubby or whoever is going to help you can feed while you relax or go out.

Its a good excuse to relax and get your hubby to do the cooking and housework! One of my big problems was that mine wasn't able to get any paternity leave from work... So I was stuck all on my own.

 

[princessellie]

Its a good excuse to relax and get your hubby to do the cooking and housework!

it is a good excuse but only if he will actually do it lol, mine is useless and does only what i stand over him telling him to do so its not any less stressful lol

x

 

[Michy]

Hiya! Yes I exclusively pump and it is mega, mega hard work. I haven't got time to write a full post now, but will come back when LO is asleep and give you the full run down of what to expect/do and what I have found to be the pros and cons.

My first thought tho is breast feed!

 

[Caramel]

Thanks for all your posts ladies, i'm really grateful.

I have a horrible feeling that I'm just over-thinking all of this. I have a tendency to want to plan things way ahead of time in order to make myself feel secure but I think in this case I'm doing myself more harm than good. Think I need to find out what my options for feeding are and how they all work, then just wait and see how I feel when baby arrives and what works for us. I really don't know why I've started seeing breast-feeding in such a negative light, but reading your posts, and the other threads have made me realise it's not necessarily as restrictive as I've been imagining, and that in fact in some ways it can give you more freedom than bottle-feeding.

Michy thanks for reading the thread, and I'd still really appreciate any information you can give me regarding exclusively expressing.

I also have a couple more questions for all of you (sorry!!). For some reason I've got it in my head that if I breast-feed and express I'll probably only be able to express enough for one feed per day. I know it differs from person to person but is that the most likely scenario? I don't expect to be able to express loads, but I think if I could manage enough for two feeds it would really help with the demands of breastfeeding. Also, I guess the biggest negative for me with breast-feeding is that nobody else would be able to care for the baby for a prolonged amount of time (i.e. a whole afternoon or perhaps overnight) cos my BB's will need to be in close proximity! I don't even really know if it's something I'd want to do anyway, but I just don't like the thought that breastfeeding means it would be out of the question. MIL keeps hinting that she'd happily babysit overnight any time which is lovely, but to be honest all that keeps doing is bringing it home to me that if I breastfeed it just won't be possible. Did anyone else find this an issue, or did you find any ways around it?

 

[ryder]

lol... I have not let Jasmine sleep over anywhere, it would kill our routine and then I end up with a cranky baby for days.

However, you need to do what you think is going to make you happy and relaxed... pumping is hard, in the beginning you need to pump alot to build up your supply... every 2-3 hours, you even need to pump at night. You can take fenugreek which will help with production.

 

[Caramel]

lol... I have not let Jasmine sleep over anywhere, it would kill our routine and then I end up with a cranky baby for days.

I'm so naive!! Didn't even think about that! When push comes to shove I wouldn't want to disturb baby's routine as of course it would prob only make things harder in the long run, so I guess this won't be an issue either.

Thanks!

 

[ryder]

Well lots of peopl let their baby sleep at others houses and have o issue... that was jst my personal feeling... I actually dont think Jasmine would sleep anyways lol... She wont go to sleep in the evening for anyone either, we've let both her gandmas babysit so we could go out to dinner and we always come baclk to a tired, cranky baby.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think it's an advantage that no one else can really do it! I still havent left Hebe overnight and I dont really want to - rest or no rest! I had a Christmas boozy lunch/shopping trip booked that I was really looking forward to a few weeks after she was born. I pumped enough milk for her feeds and left her with my hubby. I couldnt wait to get back to her. My desire to feed her was waaay stronger than my desire for a break. My boobs tingled everytime I thought of her and I just wanted to get back. And I was a hardcore, shoe shopping, red wine qwaffing lush!!!!

Michy will tell you more about exclusive pumping but my initial thoughts are that it's much harder work than feeding direct.

 

[codegirl]

I have a history of depression. As well, I had a tramatic birth experience AND serious trouble breastfeeding. All of these increased my chances of postnatal depression.

funny thing is... I haven't felt this good in YEARS!! I finally can excusively breastfeed and the hormones that it releases seem to do me wonders. I found it much more difficult on my mind when I was bf, pumping and formula supplimenting. What a LOT of work.

Grab naps when your LO does, that will make a difference (at least it did for me). Don't think you can't bf because of your history. Take it one day at a time and listen to yourself. You'll know what's best for you and your LO.

 

[Michy]

Right, Alfie is asleep, so I can write a proper post for you now.

I always wanted to breast feed and I still desperately long for the feeling of him feeding from me. I didn't want to exclusively express, but I had a very difficult induction, then an emergency section, bad reaction to drugs afterwards including hallucinations, very aneamic and was totally out of it for a good 2 days after giving birth. Alfie was therefore fed by bottle by people who visited and the nurses. With all that had gone on plus the fact that I have inverted nipples and my collostrum didn't come in till day 5 and proper milk day 10, I just couldn't get him back on the breast after all that bottle feeding, I was in too much pain and he wouldn't latch. This is why I decided to express, I was only going to do it for the first month to give him what I consider to be the best start but now my aim is to get him through to his 16 week injections.

First I'll start with what you will need and what you will need to do if you decide to go down the expressing route.

For the first 12 weeks.......

A double pump is a necessity, it halfs the time that you will need to express and because you are pumping both boobs at the same time helps to increase your production. I decided to hire a hospital grade medela one, because they mimic the babies sucking action the best. It costs me £40 per month.

From the day you give birth you will need to pump every 2 hours for a good 20mins (40mins if you only have a single pump).

You will need to pump through the night and you must never go longer than 5 hours between pumps as your body will then get the message to decrease production.

Even if your L O sleeps through you must pump between the hours of 1am and 4am as this is when your prolactin levels are highest and therefore you will increase your milk prodcution.

Once a day it is a good idea to do a pumpathon! This is to mimic the babies desire to be comforted by the breast. You pump for 20mins, then rest for 20mins, then pump for 10 rest for 10, then pump for 5, rest for 5. A newborn would be at the breast lots and lots and so you need to get that pump at the breast if you want a good supply.

When your baby has a growth spurt and wants to feed more often you need to up the number of times you pump to up your production. My LO had a growth spurt at 7 weeks and I literally had to have 4 days chained to the pump to up my production so I could keep up with him. Luckily my OH was on holiday for a week at the time so could feed LO else I think that would have been the end of my pumping days!

The good news is that if you do all of the above for 12 weeks then you will have an established milk supply and most women can drop pumps without loosing their supply. I lost the plot after 11 weeks and dropped from 12 pumps a day to 6. I have now dropped to 5 pumps a day and I still produce up to 50oz a day. I do still make sure I drain each boob completely tho, which in the morning can take a good 40 mins.

Obviously you need a pump, bottles a steriliser, storage bottles for milk and a way of warming the bottles.

So pros......

After 12 weeks you can get a full nights sleep as you wont have to pump in the night anymore and someone else can feed for you. My MIL stays one night a week and last night I got a straight 8 hours, which was wonderful.

Dad, grandma and anyone else can feed LO

My baby had colic so I could add his colief to his milk which really helped him be more comfortable.

Cons....

Sterilising is a pain in the bum! You need to sterilise all your bottles and sterilise your pumping parts at least once a day.

You need to store all your milk in the fridge.

In the first 12 weeks it is hard to leave the house! By the time you have fed LO, changed him, played with him, and then pumped and sorted milk it is time to feed again and so the cycle continues. I found this very, very depressing.

Having to warm bottles in the night is a pain.

When you LO doesn't finish a bottle and you have to throw the milk away it is heartbreaking because you have worked sooo hard to get it out!!

Pumping takes up sooo much time and I found that it interferred with the time I could spend with my LO. I have often questioned whether the good I am trying to do by giving him my breast milk is outweighed by the times I have had to put him down and pump.


I probably see breast feeding through rose tinted glasses because I haven't been through the difficulty of those first 6 weeks of trying to get the baby to latch and be an effective feeder, but when I have my second baby I am soooooooooo determined to breast feed so I don't have to do all this expressing malarky again!

Hope that gives you a good picture of exclusively expressing, if you have any other questions then ask them here or pm me.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thanks for this Michy. Very interesting insight into exclusive pumping and it's now confirmed to me that you are definately one of my number 1 all time breastfeeding heros.....I am in total awe.....x

 

[Michy]

Thanks so much, you got me with that post

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[Mervs Mum]

You are very welcome - I have no hesitation saying it. We hear plenty of talk about determination and commitment to BF but your particular kind is one rarely seen. x

 

[Caramel]

Michy, thank you so much for your post. It was exactly what I need to get a clear and honest perspective from someone who's had experience in exclusively expresssing.

I naively had no idea there would be so much work involved (I feel bad for dragging you away from your pumping to write that post!), so in terms of doing the best to stave off exhaustion, pressure and ultimately the depression I'm now realising that perhaps this wouldn't be the best option for me, especially as my biggest concern is feeling tied down. Having read other threads on here I've seen breastfeeding in a new more positive light, and although I know that won't be easy either, I am rethinking the possibility of giving it a go.

I would like to say though how much I admire and thoroughly respect what you are doing. The commitment you have made to doing what you feel is best for your little one is incredible. You truly are a supermum - I am in awe of you. I wish you all the best in getting to your goal of 16 weeks.

Thanks again and lots and lots of xx

 

[Hevz]

Thanks for this Michy. Very interesting insight into exclusive pumping and it's now confirmed to me that you are definately one of my number 1 all time breastfeeding heros.....I am in total awe.....x

here, here

 

[isil]

I've suffered from depression, and didn't realise it'd affect me so much after I had Ally. If I was you, I'd give exclusive BFing a go but take it day by day. In the end, I realised that exclusive BFing was doing nothing for my mood and my relationship with Alasdair wasn't benefiting from it. So. In the end, I ended up combination feeding. I fed Alasdair twice a day (boob) until nearly 6 months and did the rest formula. I really think though, that as everyones depression is so different it's best to wait to decide. I feel like I got the best of both worlds although it was difficult at times and I was worried that Alasdair would reject the boob in favour of the bottle. I think he did once, but then went back on the next day. So yes, as much as you want to plan, maybe you can't for this?

 

[Caramel]

I've suffered from depression, and didn't realise it'd affect me so much after I had Ally. If I was you, I'd give exclusive BFing a go but take it day by day. In the end, I realised that exclusive BFing was doing nothing for my mood and my relationship with Alasdair wasn't benefiting from it. So. In the end, I ended up combination feeding. I fed Alasdair twice a day (boob) until nearly 6 months and did the rest formula. I really think though, that as everyones depression is so different it's best to wait to decide. I feel like I got the best of both worlds although it was difficult at times and I was worried that Alasdair would reject the boob in favour of the bottle. I think he did once, but then went back on the next day. So yes, as much as you want to plan, maybe you can't for this?

Thank you!

Think I'm beginning to realise that I need to stop trying to plan what I'm going to do, and instead gather all the information I can about my options, then just trust that when baby arrives I'll know what will be right for me, and that if that doesn't work I'll just change to something else. It's reassuring to know that you were able to combine breast and formula, I know everyone's different but it's good to know that it can be possible to do that x