Advice from fellow GDers

[curlylocks]

Hi all,
I've posted a few times here but not much.
I already have a lovely little boy who will be 4 in June. On Friday we found out we were having our second son.
Although I knew deep down he was going to be a he, it didn't prepare me for the amount of tears. As you all well know, we aren't upset for the gender we have, just for the gender that its not.
I spent a good hour crying to hubby (who has been pretty amazing about it). I have nearly got into my head that this is definitely a boy (sorting out DS1 old stuff today had helped a bit), but this is our last child, I don't understand how I will EVER get over not having a daughter? It scares me/upsets me/angers me all at the same time. I know, with time it will get easier, but I'm pretty sure when my babies have grown I will remain sad for the daughter I never had!
(Our plan was to only ever have 2, but since Friday, hubby has openly said he will happily try again, I just can't put myself through the emotional roller coaster again).
Thanks for reading. Xxx

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

sending hugs hun, but just remember how strong your sons' brotherly love will be xx

 

[jennjennxx]

aww hugs to you hun, it's such a hard thing to have to go through you are kind of mourning for the daughter you may never have, which I completely understand as I will be finding out if I will ever get the son that I have always longed for in little over a week, and I really don't know how I will cope with it if I won't.
You could always try one last time and gender sway (I really don't know much about this tbh, but have seen threads on here about it) but I understand you not wanting to go through it again.
I'm sorry I can't give you much advice, but we are all here to support you xox

 

[maybebaby3]

GD sucks I wanted a girl and its a boy. I feel awful even writing it down as I feel ungrateful for the life growing in me. We have named him and I bought a few clothes for him so I'm feeling better about the gender now I can think of him as 'Jake' rather than as 'the baby'

 

[dollych]

Aww hun, I completely understand what you are going through as I have just been through it myself. I had GD so bad when I found out my second baby was another boy. I cried and cried for weeks when I found out I wasn't going to get my little princess. I was convinced it was a girl and was shocked at the scan when the sonogropher said 'boy'. I felt sick.
I was so bad, I didn't get over my GD until he was born and didn't enjoy my pregnancy like I didn with my first son. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled he was healthy and felt very lucky even to be pregnant and felt so guilty for feeling like that, but I was just gutted.
My boy is 3 months old now and I just love him to bits. I can't wait to see him play with his older Brother who is nearly 3.
I'm being totally honest though now, I don't think I have fully got over the GD as I am still longing for my Girl. I thought I had after he was born, but those feelings have started creeping back in. Don't get me wrong, I would never swop my boy for the world and feel so blessed to have such a wonderful happy healthy baby who I love, but the longing for a Girl is so bad.
Hubby has said we can sway for a Girl whenever I am ready, but I'm like you, I just can't put myself through that again and dread that I would have another Boy. I sound awful and ungrateful but GD is just so bad isn't it?.
Do you think you will sway next time?. xx

 

[onetwothreebp]

My MIL is a mother to boys only, and she always wanted a daughter. I have happily stepped into that role and genuinely do consider her to be a mother-figure in my life and we have a very close bond.

You may be as blessed with your sons' wives!

 

[Misscalais]

This story sounds a bit like mine lol!
I have two boys we were only going to have two but after DS2 turned 1 we decided we are going to try for another when the time was right. I always wanted sons and daughters, two kids was never in the plans of things but its what we could afford. When I found out DS2 was a boy I was upset for a bit, I didn't 'try' for a girl with him I just thought I'd have a girl.
But we went out bought a blue suit and went through DS1 clothes and fast forward 3 years I'm so glad he was a boy i wouldn't change him for anything. My boys are 14 mths apart so financially it just worked out better and they are best mates the bond they have us wonderful I just love it
I'm desperately hoping for a girl with number three but with my miscarriage in feb and chemical at the start of this mth I just want a healthy baby.

 

[curlylocks]

Thanks all so much for replying.
Had another total breakdown to hubby last night. Sad for no daughter then complete overwhelming guilt for having the feelings.
We did try to sway this time for a girl. Not probably as strict as we could have, although it took nearly 1 year to fall pregnant this time (only 3 months with DS) so that was torture too.
I just can't see how I'm ever going to be ok with it? Even yesterday I was on the phone to my mum who told me when I first told her I was pregnant she went out and bought a little blue outfit and a pink outfit due to being so excited. She said yesterday 'I won't take the pink one back, maybe your sister will have a girl'. Just her saying that felt like a stab to the chest...... How awful does that make me? I have quite a few friend that are trying for a baby/pregnant, am I going to feel bitter every time someone says 'Im having a girl'?!
I just feel totally sad and empty. No one Im close to will understand as they either don't have kids yet/have girls already (my best friend has beautiful twin girls) or they just wouldn't understand.
DH is still being fantastic but even he can't fully understand. x

 

[Ashla]

Curlylocks, I feel so sad reading what you are going through. You'll know from my previous thread how I felt when I found out #1 was a boy. I remember about half way through the PG promising myself that I wouldn't have anymore if I couldn't be certain I would be 100% happy if the next was a boy.

Now when DH and I talk about trying for #2, I always speak about the baby as a he. We even refer to him as Kutta which means little boy in Indian (my DH is Indian). But I know that even if I never tell anyone, the day the Ultrasound Technician tells me I am having another boy, my heart will break.

I am so sorry you are feeling empty and that you feel guilty for feeling that way. I can't take away your sadness or disappointment, but please try to be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up with guilt about how you feel. Remember that we can't change what we want or feel. I know you will be an amazing mother to your little baby boy, you wouldn't be on this forum worrying and feeling guilty if you were a bad mum.

Keep us updated about the journey to meeting your new son. Thinking of you.

 

[motherofboys]

Hugs hun. I'm on boy number 4. I also don't know if I will ever feel complete with out a daughter, but then scared to try again in case its another boy and it hits me harder next time.

 

[Ashla]

Hi Curlylocks. Just wondering how you are going now? How are you feeling now that a week has passed?

 

[thayet]

I completely get what you're feeling. We are only having one, so this was my only shot for my girl that I so desperately wanted. DH has pretty much alluded to the fact that he's going to make sure no more kids happen, so I'm pretty upset that this baby is a boy.

It doesn't help that my mother (who is undergoing treatment for cancer and is VERY ill so I can't get mad at her) keeps saying "we just can't get rid of these boys!!" in a cutesy sort of way. My two first cousins both have two boys each. My brother has a boy. No girls whatsoever. And she keeps SAYING it to other people, too.. ugh.. not helping.

Anyway. There are others out there who feel the exact same way you do..