advice much needed

[bdcrossley]

so i haven't been on here for a while my oh and I tried for 4 months on shots and pills nothing. Then we hit a rough patch I lose insurance and so on... BUT
5 months later a blessing, or so I think it is came into my life. No not PG A friend of mine is and she wants to have me adopt the baby, it is her 4th and under circumstances where she can not so if I don't it goes to state care. how can I let this poor little innocent baby disappear into a nasty system like that? OH says he doesn't want it no ?s asked. But he hasn't made a move to marry me or put me on his insurance so we can have our own or at least try again.
So what do I do I feel like I can be a mother without a man, maybe. Or give up what may be my only opportunity to be a mom and wait for him (which god only knows how long) and HOPE we get pg ourselves. And another thing what can I do to make him realize how important this is and how badly I want this? Ive craved to be a mother since I can remember...And this baby will be in here in July. (
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**SORRY FOR RAMBLING...IVE JUST SO WORRIED AND STRESSED ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING..THANKS FOR READING LADIES**

 

[Destiny08]

Personally, it's a dream of mine to adopt. Always has been. So I would. I dont see the harm in offering a baby who wouldnt get the love it so desperately needs, that love! It wont harm your chances of conceiving in future, and you feel ready for a baby now.
So yea lol good luck, I hope it all works out, and bless you for even considering it

 

[cookette]

For me, and I realize many people dont agree and this is MY OPINION ONLY, but if he isnt willing to commit to marry you and that is something you want, why commit to TTC with someone who isnt on the same page?

Do you truly believe this is who you will be with the rest of your life? If so, then its between you to work out TTC/adoption. If you dont know if he will ever fully commit, and its possible you wont be with him, then you need to eval if you are financially and emotionally stable to have a child on your own without his assistance. You lost your insurance or what not...can you afford a child?

These are my thoughts, I realize not everyone will agree, but I think its a valid point.

 

[hunni12]

I agree with cookette. I may be on the outside looking in, but if he hasn't made the effort to marry you or put you on his insurance then you gotta start doing what makes you happy. I would adopt the baby otherwise it's gonna eat you for a long time if things don't work out between you and him and you let the baby go.

 

[Dollybird]

What does your heart say?? I'd say this is a matter of the heart and if adopting that baby is what your heart is telling you to do, and you will be able to cope alone financially if needs be, and you're happy with that scenario, then I'd say do it. If your partner truly loves and wants to be with u he will respect your decision. If not then maybe the relationship isn't meant to be. You aren't committed to eachother yet. If you were married I would've said that u would need to consider what he wants too and make it a joint decision, but from what you've said it sounds like in your heart you have already chosen the baby over him-- so maybe deep down u don't really want to be with him? Who knows. Hope u sort it all out would love to year how u get on with it all in the future xxx

 

[Tmb0047]

I agree with all the ladies on here about your OH and commitment issues. i think you and him need to have a nice long talk about the future.
There are a few things that are a concern to me about the situation of adopting from a friend. I'm sure everything can work out just fine but I would be concerned about the birth mother being too close. Might sound silly but it would really bother me. Also, are her other children in care? I can't imagine keeping my first 3 and then giving my 4th away?! Also, what does the birth father say? And what do you plan to do about the baby's siblings in the future? Lots of things to consider and I just would hate for this woman to break your heart in the end. GL to you....I wish you nothing but good things

 

[hunni12]

Also you have to consider the fact that what if she regrets letting you adopt the baby. I know it sounds like a Lifetime movie where mommy comes back for her baby it's a real possibility that could occur.

 

[Radkat]

Adoption is a long process, even if the birth mother chooses you. And yes, questions will be asked. They will have to determine if this is an appropriate home for a child. It sounds like you will be a great mother. I agree with others who have said that since your bf sounds on the fence re: commitment and TTC, you would have to decide in your own head that you are adopting this child on your own. In fact, I'd be surprised if your bf would go through with the whole adoption process and putting his name on the papers. But that doesn't mean that you can't adopt this child on your own and live with him - that's fine. Good luck, sweetie. This sounds like a hard decision.