Advice Needed!

[Mark1608]

I am writing in the hope of getting a bit of advice concerning my brother and his ex partner. 3 years ago they had a short relationship during which she conceived and duly gave birth to a baby boy. Although my brother (P) and his ex (S) had split up by the time of the birth they were still amicable and agreed visiting, maintenance et et, all of which worked out OK. Over the past 2 years the relationship between them had broken down to the point where it is not an exaggeration to say they hate each other. She takes every opportunity to threaten him and belittle his role in the boy's life. She has become utterly irrational and bullies him at every opportunity. She has a history of depression and anger issues (her last 2 boyfriends committed suicide). P doesn't know the name of the boy's GP, his dentist or what nursery he goes to. He is constantly in fear of her and has started to develop anxiety and depression himself, a very worrying thing for me to witness. The boy was recently christened without P's consent and none of P's relatives or friends were invited to the party. This is killing my brother who loves the little boy more than anyone can imagine. He does get good access but that isn't really the problem, it's the threats and bullying, the non involvement and constant reminders that he is of little consequence in the boys life. The sad thing is my brother and the little boy adore each other. In short, what should he do?

Thank you for any help.

 

[braddys]

This sounds like my brother..


he has a 18 month old with his ex. They communicate about his LO and that is all. They cant stand each other. They agreed on custody and childcare supprt (my brother pays her childcare fees of £600 a month and gives her £80 a week) but she continues to "flaunt" the fact she has 2 boyfriends on the go and trying to make him jealous etc. Anyways situation got nasty when she was constantly drinking etc so he finally took her to court. Now she cant get a passport done without his permission ( and vise versa) he has a fixed amount to pay and a structured custody agrreement drawn out so he can see LO more. He can also access medical records etc whereas before he couldnt. She is also being watched as my brother metioned she was drinking and partying alot and he was worried for LO. He is now alot more in control, she cant take the baby too far away or move with her which she was constantly able to do.

Maybe theres a way to talk to a court about it, i know its a horrible route to take but sometimes its the only way.

I hope iv helped any shown there can be light at the end of the tunnel


Goodluck

 

[TiredNurse27]

Maybe he should go to the police if she's bullying and harrassing him. That's what I'd say to a woman in his situation, besides no court will ever believe him unless theres a police report.

Also not alot he can do about the christening thing, unless he wants to re-christen her with all his family present. There's some things he just will have to accept he's not going to be a part of.

 

[Mark1608]

Thanks Braddys, that's really helpful. Yeah i think you're right, he's gonna have to go to court. He's been keeping a diary since the boy was born and it lists every threatening text (he still has them saved in an old phone), every time she has abused him and every time she has made it difficult for him to see the boy. She also has MS and he is worried about what will happen to the boy in the event of her getting ill or not being able to look after him. She's on anti depressents and her mother, a valium addict, looks after the boy quite a lot. When my brother goes to pick him up they don't even acknowledge his presence, the other day the boy's over night bag was just thrown over the fence. It's taking over my life and also my father's. I'm bouond to be biased but i don't know a single person who has a good word to say about her or her family and she has a reputation for being a bully and has openly admitted to my brother that she hates men. Unfortunately out of the millions of women in the world he got his one pregnant.

Anyway, thanks again mate

Mark

 

[Mark1608]

thanks for the reply too TiredNurse. She isn't harrassing him but she is threatening him with no access and is abusive and agressive when he comes to pick up the child. He isn't too bothered about the christening but i think i'm right in saying it's his parental rights to be consulted.

Cheers