Advice please

[TTC 84]

Hi ladies so I have a bit of an issue , I babysit my niece almost every day with the exception of my mum and Aunty helping out when they can, i have done so since she was 4 months old (she's now 4yo) .
I'm due in November and feel horrible but really don't want to continue looking after her when bubs is here . I just want to be able to enjoy having my baby and sleep when baby sleeps ect . I don't think my sister has even thought about it and expects things will stay the same . She's not the easiest person to talk too and will most likely be offended , my niece goes to day care one day a week and would have to go full time, but I feel I've done more than my share of helping out giving her free care so she can work full time . Can you all give me some ideas of how to bring it up with her ? It's really starting to stress me out .

 

[Willow01]

I think you are quite right to want to stop looking after your niece so you can spend quality time with your little one when they arrive. It is an incredibly stressful/emotional/overwhelming time in the first few months and I would want to sleep when the baby sleeps too lol! If I were you I would find the courage and just go right into the conversation with her (easier said than done esp when the other person isn't the easiest person to talk to) but you can bring in the fact that you have made this decision now and giving her plenty of time to figure out what she will do for childcare. Don't let this get to you too much, but I think the sooner you say something then the better you will feelx

 

[jenny873]

.

 

[TTC 84]

Ah I also mind my neice for my sister, my neice starts school in September but my sister has just had another baby and will he returning to work when my new baby is 2 months old and is looking for childcare again. Ive just suggested various childcare options with her, wont your neice start school in September x

We are in Australia she won't start school until February 2017 she will go to kinder in 2016 which is 15 hrs per week over 3 days .

 

[ElmaWG]

If she's 4 years old, then she'd probably benefit from childcare with peers closer to her own age ( as opposed to your newborn). Maybe you could frame the conversation around that? Sounds like your sis has gotten a sweet deal over the year, with cheep (free?) childcare form you, but she needs to understand that you need to be able to focus on YOUR babyin the coming months.

 

[winterbabies3]

I would just tell her since she is going to start school "soon" and your going to have a baby maybe it would be best if she start daycare just to get use to the idea of not having family around and become social with the other kids. I'd tell her maybe in the future I can help out again but for now i want me and baby time! Not easy but it would be selfish on her half to not to think of it on her own!

 

[CandiceSj]

You definitely need to do what is right for you and your baby, and you will NEED that time to rest. A conversation needs to be had with your sister even though I understand that it kinda sucks to even have to. Hopefully the anticipation is the worst part and it ends up going really well!

You want to go through the experience of having your first newborn, there is no reason for you to have to live it the hard way, as though this baby is the second child, having to sacrifice and be more tired and work harder at juggling everything. This is you and your baby's moment.

 

[jenny873]

.

 

[jlw617]

Even though it's not the same, when I used to live in the same state as my brother, I constantly watched his kids and picked them up from daycare, I haven't lived in the same state as him in 8 years but every time I go back home to visit, he and his wife just expect me to watch his kids at his whim...I don't get it, some people just literally will use you and it's sad when it's family, the only thing I could advise is to maybe tell your sister how much you love your niece and have enjoyed being able to be apart of her life but that you are now starting your own family that you'd like to focus on and just let her know you're still there if she needs you occasionally but that you can't watch her everyday any longer. If you're afraid to do it alone, maybe your DH could be there with you to back you up or you could write a nice letter to her and let her know that you preferred to write a letter because you felt bad telling her, sometimes taking a passive but firm approach (if that makes sense) is good with these types of people.

 

[TTC First]

Since you don't really know how you will feel after your lo is here, I would be upfront. Say that at this time you want to take a break for a couple months off when lo comes because you will not be able to pay enough attention to your niece. After a couple months you can revisit the situation because you may be in a better position to take care of two kids (if not then let her know at that time it's still not a good time). Since your sister is not the easiest person to talk to, focus on the fact that you want to ensure that your niece gets the attention that she needs.

 

[WantaBelly]

I would just say," so have you thought about what you're going to do with ______ (whatever your nieces name is) once I have ______ (whatever you child's name is going to be)?

 

[TTC 84]

thanks for the advice ladies , i still havent had a chance to discuss anything with my sister, im starting to think maybe talking to her through a text message is going to be my best bet to get how i feel across . Apart from i never see her unless shes running in to drop my niece off ,then her dad picks her up. i just think a message will be easier and less drama .

 

[Jessicahide]

She can't have a problem, she has made more than good use of you for 4 bloody years!!! That's a lot to be honest xx

 

[jlw617]

Let us know how it gos!

 

[Embo78]

I agree it's now time to stop babysitting. Give your sister plenty of notice so she can sort out childcare in plenty of time though. She might not like it but you've done MORE than enough over the last four years

 

[TTC 84]

Ok so I sent her a msg last night and just asked what her plans were with Abbie when I have baby ? She replied "don't know" I then said you should probably think about it it's only 15 weeks away .
She then said it'll be fine she will put her in day care Monday and Wednesday, have Tuesday's off and our mum can have her Thursday and our Aunty Friday's , and Abbie will stay home with dad on Saturdays . So that's her plan only problem with that is my mum and Aunty can't always do their days so it's not really going to work .
Anyway I'm unsure of if she's upset with me , I then wrote and said please don't think I don't want Abbie I love her a lot , but just think I will need baby and me time . To which I got no response .
Oh well I feel better now I've said something , will see how it goes when I see her this morning when she brings Abbie .

 

[Embo78]

Well done hunny. You've done the right thing. I think you're an amazing auntie. You and Abbie will be close forever after the amount of quality time you've had with her.
I wish your sister would've said thank you for having her all these years but never mind, it's done now and you can relax knowing she's aware of the full picture now

 

[Jessicahide]

Like I said she can't possibly be upset! If she is then she was expecting you to never have a life so she could have a baby sitter!?!

 

[TTC 84]

Thanks for the support ladies xx