After 2 yrs of no communication

[Ellie130891]

My dad had a heart attack
And it only felt right to talk to him and my mum (they split when i was little) and go visit them
I hadnt seen them in 2 yrs (long story) so i was nervous as hell
The worst thing was my LO hated my mum. Shes used to people approaching her slowly etc and my mum was all over her her usual self being hyper and loud and the baby wouldnt stop screaming for the 2 hr long visit
Obviously im going back as my dads v ill and I want to re build our relationship
I really hope my LO gets used to them as I dont want it to be like that every time

My mum made comments like "its cause she never sees the light of day"
she DOES.....My OH takes LO out every day (I cant get out much more than twice a week atm as i suffer from vertigo which is awful when im outside)
it made me sad

She never commented on how good a mum i was how well i looked or even said the baby was cute

My dad said she was bonny but that was about it

Shes 1 next week so they are strangers to her


my question is.....!
How long will it take a 1 yr old to get used to new people and new surroundings if were visiting weekly/fortnightly?
xxx

 

[shellie82]

firstly sorry aout your dad

secondly try and explain to your mum that she doesnt like to be approached that way by new people as she is weary and to go slowly!

thirdly who is she to say she never sees the light of day when she has only just met her??

 

[Ellie130891]

it really hurt

i told her we cant go on grand days out much because of the dizziness and she made that comment it really hurt

ty hun hes stable hes at home now very weak though it was hard seeing him like that

it was hard with the LO as my partner had to go drive around for 2 hrs as they wont let him near the house. I tried telling my mum she needed to be quiet she said

"dont be silly im her grandma"

i didnt really like her saying that either. i know she is by blood but shes not really bothered since i was pregnant as they hate my OH and like i say have never said anything about if my LO is pretty etc....they said "she looks like her dad" so im guessing thats not a good thing with them!

xxx

 

[Ellie130891]

p.s

your LO is seriously cute!

 

[KatelynsMummy]

Can't they suck it up and get along with your OH?
Sounds mean, but he's your life, well a damn big part of it.
Anyway, depends on the child, but it took about 4 month for my 1 year old nephew to get used to his grandad, he's still a tad unsure but he's not around that often.

 

[shellie82]

i know you want a relationship with the because of the circumstances but i would really try and tell them that

a) they need to have boundaries after all this time if they want a relationship with you and lo and questioning your parenting is crossing them


b) it doesnt matter who she is, she is a stranger to lo and she needs to tread carefully if she wants lo to be comfortable with her

c) they have to try and be civil to oh as he shouldnt have to drive around for hours while you visit especially when he has had the courtesy to drive there

thanks for comment about lo, your is sooo pretty too

 

[Ellie130891]

she was screaming the place down she really hated it cause her daddy wasnt there

basically they told me to stop my relationship with my OH 3 and a half yrs ago

I said I wouldnt and 2 yrs ago i packed my bags left a note and ran because my life was being made an absolute misery.

Since then they didnt take an interest till i was pregnant then said they needed to see the baby cause she was their blood

I didnt though but since dad got ill I had to

They said they dont want barry near the house though as they arent ready to accept him yet

 

[Ellie130891]

ty hun

ive tried about 5 times in the last 2 yrs really trying to explain that to them

my dad visitd our house after i had ruby
he stayed an hour
didnt say hello goodbye or congrats to barry or thank you for welcoming me into your house

he said

"tea....no sugar"

barry cried after i felt terrible and dad hasnt been since

its so hard
i feel so torn i want to build a relationship with my parents but mums still the same old mum

 

[shellie82]

be firm with them hun and tell them if your oh isnt welcome then neither are you nd lo as you come as a family!!

i cant imagine how hard it must be for you x

 

[pinklightbulb]

I have no advice hun but my 1 year old is generally comfortable the first few times after he sees someone to see them once a week and not melt down

 

[KatelynsMummy]

They need to learn to accept him im afraid.
They need to be really careful around your LO because they are strangers, shes not seen them then all of a sudden theyre there, touching her, fussing her etc iykwim?
Hope your dads well

 

[Ellie130891]

ty guys

yeah its been so hard
i love my OH and hes my future and my life and my parents....well i know some ppl are close to them but for a long time theyve made me feel like a piece of dirt the names they called me and my OH i probably cant type into b&b!!!!

my dads ok very weak he had a stent in his heart been smoking since he was 13 but of course mum said when i went round

"you know its the last few yrs of stress that did it"


thanks mum!

 

[KatelynsMummy]

your mums out of order, thats not fair on you.
At the end of the day, you cant help who you fall for and they should know that..
It's not hard to be civil, i really feel for you

 

[Ellie130891]

ty hun

civil seems beyond them it really does. it gets me down cause i feel like a single mum when my OH drops me off there for a few hours and i want him there too

my dad god bless him, went to the car and spoke to him thanking him for bringing me and telling him a better direction but then mum said

"come back indoors you dont wanna make yourself tired"


this is waling 2 feet to a car door......2 hrs later she took him round tesco for an hour

 

[lolababes]

I apologise in advance if this comes across harsh its not meant to

I feel for you so bad as I had a similar situation with my Dads parents. I didnt speack to them for a good few yrs til I had DD (now 12) they all hated DH as I got with him at 14 (he was 17 and a 'bad influence') I took her round when she was a few days old and got a barrage of sly digs and comments. I ended up walking out and they have only seen my 8yr and LO once.

I can understand why you would want a relationship with your dad and he seems to be making an effort with your OH which is good but you need to tell your mum to get a grip or she will lose you again. It is not fair on your OH or LO or you xx

I hope you do manage to resolve it but if you dont you have a loving family of your own now and dont need crap like that to deal with when ultimately YOU are making all the effort

 

[sophxx]

why do they hate your oh so much? can you not ask them to just be nice espcially as you lo is getting older and it wont be long till she asks why is dad not comeing in? it must be a really tough situtaion x

 

[Ellie130891]

ty hun


its complicated
we have a huge age gap....i mean those celeb age gaps you see? that big. i fell for him at 16 we talked and it evolved and we got together and i couldnt tell my mum the 1 person i wanted to because i knew how shed be...

im nearly 20 now...we have a house we have a baby but some people wont see past the figures

hes the same age as my dad which is the main reason dad wont have anything to do with him they all think its sick

but i love him you know? you cant choose who you fall for...i mean i guess i could have left him or just not let it start but i knew it would make us both unhappy if i did that


we have a soon to be 1 yr old and it breaks my heart i cant spend her bday with everyone. OH and family together
but it just cant be like that im not sure how to get thru to mum ive tried so many times she says ive hurt her too much by leaving and choosing my OH

 

[kelly29]

aww bless you hun what a cow!! sorry! but it had to be said!! your a fab mum! i can relate as my lo doesn't like my mum much either i guess the more your lo see's her the more she wont worry anymore good luck hun hope everything ends up good for youx

 

[kelly29]

oh and you cant help you fall in love with somethings are just meant to be x

 

[Ellie130891]

yeah i mean it doesnt feel it tonight after one of our arguments but which couple doesnt have arguments!!! much less than at home where every day i used to be made to feel like dirt on her shoe.

my mum grabbed the baby wen i went to dads and was so hyper with her the baby did that stop breathing cry lol. i said give her here itll calm her down mum just said

she has to get used to me

god help my child! just glad i didnt get pregnant when we were still living in that area and id have been stuck at mums bringing up a baby!