After 5 months TTC #1 after iud removal and CP

[Gagrlinpitt]

I don't think I ever expected to post here as I'm sure most of you feel the same way. I know about thirteen pregnant woman right now and I found out Monday I was pregnant.. Early this morning I started bleeding brown and pink with a couple of drops of red.. Then unfortunately when I woke up I was in full period mode.. This is as heavy and painful as my first period after the mirena... I'm just heartbroken. I'm 31 about to be 32 in three weeks and I wonder if I'll ever get to be a mom... Why do I feel like it's my fault?

 

[lesondemavie]

Aw gag I'm so sorry to see you here girl . Sending love and healing your way. The thoughts about it being your fault are normal. Of course it's not, but the feeling is there all the same. Seeing pregnancy announcements and pregnant people in general is so much harder for me now than it was before my loss. It always stung a bit, but now it's a reminder of that pure happiness that was ripped away so suddenly. I'm now 34, on my 6th cycle since my Mmc and 12th overall. I think I've learned how to live with the dark cloud now, but it took me a good 5 months to get there. I still have my down days, and the fear that our one shot is gone creeps up now and again. I've learned to just let it wash over me like a tide that comes and goes. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope your journey after brings you peace (and a beautiful rainbow)

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

I think the hardest part currently is that my brother in law got a girl pregnant he was just fooling around with..(they are dating now) and my mil is going all out because it's the first grandkid. The first of two showers she is throwing them was yesterday evening (I started bleeding yesterday morning) and then the other party is today and then I have a baby shower tomorrow for a co worker. I'm just a bit overwhelmed right now and just all around sad. A bunch of my mil friends at the shower kept asking when WE are having kids.. When we will get pregnant and it took everything I had to be like "someday" instead of screaming at them that I had just miscarried that morning.

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

I'm still bleeding very heavily and I took a FRER yesterday morning and it was stark negative. My nurse said that they are fine with being conservative and if my FRER was negative they don't need to see me. She said this bleeding will be heavy and painful and will complete the Loss. Then to wait for a full cycle and we can start TTC again. They are keeping my appointment September 13, which would have been my first prenatal appointment as now a follow up appointment so they can do an exam and make sure everything looks good.

 

[lesondemavie]

Those events are the hardest. Even our housewarming at the end of the month is going to be hard...so many kids and babies. I told my husband if anyone says anything about us having kids, I may just snap and say, "Well since you're asking I lost my baby at 8 weeks earlier this year. Want to talk about that?" You can skip these events if you need to, at least for now. I didn't go to my sil's shower. It would have been way too hard. I made it to cake at my bff's boy's first bday and then left early (after crying in the bathroom several times). Those who know will understand, and the rest will just think you're ill. Take care of yourself, and I'm sure the appointment in September will go well xxx. We were extremely glad we waited a month. We needed the time and the break emotionally. I'm sure things are a bit different with a CP physically, but emotionally a loss is a loss no matter when it happens. This is an extremely emotional journey for many of us, and you are not alone xxx.

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Those events are the hardest. Even our housewarming at the end of the month is going to be hard...so many kids and babies. I told my husband if anyone says anything about us having kids, I may just snap and say, "Well since you're asking I lost my baby at 8 weeks earlier this year. Want to talk about that?" You can skip these events if you need to, at least for now. I didn't go to my sil's shower. It would have been way too hard. I made it to cake at my bff's boy's first bday and then left early (after crying in the bathroom several times). Those who know will understand, and the rest will just think you're ill. Take care of yourself, and I'm sure the appointment in September will go well xxx. We were extremely glad we waited a month. We needed the time and the break emotionally. I'm sure things are a bit different with a CP physically, but emotionally a loss is a loss no matter when it happens. This is an extremely emotional journey for many of us, and you are not alone xxx.

Thank you so much for the support. My dh has honestly been so good about all of this but the fact you understand, have been there, really helps. I'm just trying to look at the positives of this all and realize at least I know I can get pregnant and that this really showed us were ready for kids.