After not even 1 full month ttc I think we may be stopping :(

[Twister]

Me and oh were at a wedding yesterday. And he told his brother that we were ttc (after I told him after telling his mom that I didn't want anyone to know about it), and he spent the best part of half an hour giving us both reasons as to why we should wait, they were good reasons but at the same time oh's brother has already said that him and his missis don't want kids, he may have had good intentions by giving us the "live a little" speech to us but I can't help but think he was being a little biased. And I think my oh agrees with some of the things he was saying and has changed his mind.

I haven't had chance to talk to him about it properly. He tried asking me what I thought at the wedding yesterday, but I didn't think it was appropriate to talk about it properly there (and I didn't want anyone else overhearing) so I said we'd talk about it another time. I have a feeling he's going to say we should wait. I feel kind of betrayed, I don't know if it's right I feel like that but I do. I said I didn't want either of us to tell anyone. I know we are still young (I'm 20 oh is 24) but I thought this was something we both wanted, I'm really hurting over this. Oh is asleep now so I'm definitely going to bring it up tomorrow.

It's just that I've wanted this for a long time as it is, then we finally made the conscious decision to start trying properly and now all of a sudden it looks like we are going to have to stop already. We'd been talking about this for so long and so far whenever its been mentioned people have tried to change our minds, acting like we haven't thought things through or that we don't know what we're getting ourselves into. I just feel like crying. I don't think anyone understands how I'm feeling, how much I want this. I may be young but it doesn't mean I'm not capable of feeling things. I feel like everyone completely underestimates me and just assumes I'm some little girl. I understand that I am still young, but to me it makes no difference, I know what I want, I know I'm ready. I know I need to speak to oh and I will, I just needed to share this with people who would understand. Sorry about the depressing thread.

 

[BH040]

I understand completely where you are coming from. However, I also sort of understand the opposition. The thing is, no matter how much you want a baby, if he doesn't want one equally as much it may cause problems with your relationship if you do have one. You have to be ready to take on the brunt of the responsibility if you decide that's what you have to have. But you really do need to have a good long talk with him and discuss what is best for the BOTH of you. Even though we may not like it, sometimes we have to compromise. Just because he may be thinking is isn't ready right this minute doesn't mean that won't change in 6 months or a year. I don't know the whole situation of course, just think you should keep in mind that this would change his life too in a big way. Maybe you can compromise and tell him to go and do what he needs to do for the next couple months and then after that set amount of time he needs to be ready to grow up and give you what you want too! Good luck. Let us know how your talk goes

 

[Twister]

That's the thing he told me when we were talking about ttc that this is what he's always wanted and that he wanted this just as much as I did, I wouldn't have agreed to start trying if I didn't think we were both on the same page. He also said that he doesn't want to wait too much longer as he doesn't want to be an 'old dad'. I'm not naive at all I completely understand the trials and tribulations that a baby brings, how much both of our lives will change, the sleepless nights, dirty nappies, crying, responsibility etc. I wouldn't mind waiting I can deal with the broodiness it's just the fact that he may have changed his mind. If he has changed his mind then surely that means he didn't entirely mean what he said in the first place. Maybe that is unreasonable. Sorry if I'm not making much sense I'm tired and my brain is on overdrive.

Thanks for the response and I will keep this thread updated.

 

[Twister]

Also if I have managed to fall pregnant this month and he's changed his mind, then what the hell are we going to do about it? I suppose that is another thing I need to speak to oh about...

 

[BH040]

I completely understand everything you said. The thing is is that he is male and they say and agree to a lot of things that they don't necessarily think through completely. That being said, maybe he is just scared because at this point it could quite possibly become a reality really fast!
If you are pg then he doesn't really have a choice in the matter anymore does he?
My fiance is 26, we have been together for 9 years and I finally just convinced him last year that we should start ttc because I do not want to be 30 when I have my first baby! (I am 26 as well) But my reasoning is a little different, I have fibromyalgia which gets a little worse with every passing year. Anyway the point is that sometimes guys need a little more time to get used to the idea than females do. I think it is partially due to their nature of being a little selfish and childish themselves, when they have a child they have to grow up!
Let me know what he says!

 

[kimberly17]

I think its natural to go back and forth a little bit, it is a big change.
My DH and I have been going back and forth with the ttc decision for a few years now. Mostly because we are both still in college, but a few months ago we decided to ttc actively.
I understand your frustration, and just wanna tell you to hang in there no matter what and things will work out.

 

[Twister]

Ok well we had a good, long chat tonight and there's good news! We are continuing ttc! It wasn't that he'd changed his mind it was more to do with the fact that he wanted to make one hundred percent sure that this is what I want. What with me being 20 he was worried that I may want to do things before we started having kids. I explained to him that a family is the one thing I have always wanted, and I mean always. Even when I was a child myself I always wondered what my kids would look like and who I'd be with, just little things like that. I completely understand the hardships that a baby brings emotionally and financially and to me a baby is not a burden. It is a blessing and all the dirty nappies, sleepless nights, screaming and crying, tantrums etc is so worth it.


Some people may not agree and think I should wait but only I can tell how I really feel and I know this is what I want. I've never been so sure of anything in my life (except maybe my love for oh, he is amazing). It's not like I'm naive either I know having a baby is a life changing experience for not just me, but for everyone involved. It's difficult, really difficult. Just because I'm 20 doesn't mean I don't understand. And oh feels the exact same way. He's always wanted a family as well, he just needed to know that I was sure as well.

I'm so happy we have resolved this and that he wants this just as much as I do. Thankyou to everyone who read my moany post.

 

[KmTigg114]

Twister, I have just finished reading your thread and I can completely understand where you are coming from. I had someone at work say to me the other day (I was late last month and thought maybe I was pg), "well you don't want to have a baby right now do you?" and not in a nice way!

I was a little hurt at her saying this to me as this past October I had found out I was pregnant, and then shortly after found it was ectopic, and was devastated. (In Oct I wasn't planning or ttc, was just ntnp.) So, when she said that I didn't even know what to say at first, so I was just like umm. yea, I do, I want to have a child before I'm 30 (I'm 27). I hate when people are negative like that, so I can totally relate.

Anyway, sorry for my ramblings, lol. I am glad that you and your oh were able to talk things through and continue ttc. Much luck to you!!

 

[Twister]

Yeah I hate it when people try and tell you not to have a baby, or it's not what you want. Just because THEY wouldn't do things the same way as us, doesn't mean they should try and push their ideals onto others. I know a lot of people are just trying to help and advise but we wouldn't just decide we want a baby without seriously thinking it through first you know?

I think because I look younger than I am people assume that I'm still young mentally as well. I don't want to sound like an a-hole but sometimes people underestimate me.

 

[kimberly17]

Its kinda the opposite situation for me. At work the older (30-50) ladies ask when I am gonna have a LO and all my aunts have been asking me for years! So I am really upset when I have to tell them that we are trying and nothing has happened yet.
I am only 22 but DH and I have been together 7 years so everybody thinks its time for us and we agree, but as you ladies know its not like flipping a light switch.

 

[BH040]

Glad to hear your talk went well!!!! ALl that worrying for nothing

 

[Twister]

God I am SUCH a worrier at times I really am. Thanks for all the helpful replies and for not judging me!

 

[Amethyste]

Hi, i undesrtand it too, i had a go at my OH after he was on the phone with his dad and then telling me we should wait till we get married (in 3 years !!). Now i am pregnant and we just told him and he sounded really happy.