Alone,scared and feel i'm making a terrible mistake.Please help

[keymer]

Hi I am 36 years old and 15 weeks pregnant.(alone and scared)

I have had a difficult time, with my ex, we broke up 9mths ago from an on off again relationship of 12 years.We are going through a property settlement and i am a Registered Nurse. I have been out of Nursing for many years and once this settlement is complete,I had planned to be happy, go back to my career and travel. BUT in May this year we met up.He's 5 hrs away by plane and I don't think we will ever get back together, but i'm now single and pregnant.

I have been tossing and turning about keeping this baby as I have no support or family or friends to help me. I work alone and have students living with me as I was depressed after break up.

I am too far I think to terminate it and don't think i could live with myself if i did, but i think i will be miserable and unhappy and unable to cope as all i think about is going back to my career.

Whats wrong with me?

also how can i work with a baby? Childcare will be too expensive....

Please help im soooo depressed

 

[cupcake]

I am sorry to hear about your break up, its not a decision anyone can make for you. If you dont want to terminate which is doesnt sound like you do, you have some options to keep the baby and work and look into child care options, or to give the baby up for adoption. No one can tell you what to do. Maybe a good idea would be to go out and see what child care options are available out there and what salary you would make, you may be surprised to see that it would be possible to work.
Think about what you want from your life, you are not alone , you have your baby right now , someone who needs you to look after it. This is a great place to get some support.
Take one step at a time.

 

[butrfly]

i agree with cupcake. sometimes people look too much at the big picture & get more stress than they need, sometimes it's better to take it one step at a time and just learn what we need to learn as we go.

 

[Pyrrhic]

I really believe that God only gives us as much as we can handle in life. Instead of feeling down, keep telling yourself that you are a strong, independent individual and you CAN do this. You don't need a man, and you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Women work and have children all the time. I know single Mums who serve in the Army and go off to war. You can do this, have faith in yourself

 

[moomin_troll]

plenty of mums have babies and careers my mother in law was a nurse with 2 kids n her hubby was away with the navy so she had no help and she managed just fine.
like others have said have abit of faith in urself

i dont think a forum like this is really supposed to help people decide whether to have abortions or not as there are alot of woman here ttc.

 

[fizz63]

Hi. I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru. I am 38 and found myself 5 weeks pregnant. My partner of 15 years and i were trying to conceive and now that i have done, he says he doesnt want to know. Words fail me. I know how you must be feeling but i think these things happen for a reason. You will feel like me, how can i cope, should i go back to work, etc etc - but i am sure there must be a way we can manage. plenty of women do this single handedly so i am sure we will do it, we might just need help from people on this site to tell us things we dont know.

i am certainly keeping my baby, regardless of how HE has been - its hard but we have to deal with the situation and i am sure their is plenty of support out there for us. I would rather be on my own with my baby than with someone who treats me with no respect and will just make my life a misery.

 

[Perdita]

I'm in the same situation as you - found out I was pregnant after the end of a relationship. live alone, no family etc etc. I decided to keep the baby but that was my choice - you need to talk to someone with a calm head to help you. All I can say is either way is hard. PM me if you want to talk, I'm 22 weeks today and I still wonder if I've done the right thing sometimes but decided to keep the baby. There's help out there and I'm a registered nurse and was thinking about going back to uni to dual train and even with a baby it's still a possibility, just need to be more organised! Get in touch - I've got a fair idea of how you feel!
xx

 

[woadie]

Hey you're not alone... I live alone, all my family have passed away so I literally have nobody, and the father told me to get lost after he found out I was pregnant (which was most certainly not planned, and a terrible shock to me let alone him!)... I've had to think your thoughts too... how will I cope alone? How will I afford this child, with childcare, work and so on? I'm your age.

You know, everything for a reason. It's happened. Maybe your life needed this child and this child needs you. I think within us all is this capacity to love; I am the least maternal woman on this earth but something in me says that if I am priveledged enough to have been given this pregnancy, perhaps this child is just meant to be.

As for the money, I know it won't be easy but if everyone else can cope then so can we hey. It sounds as if there is plenty of help available out there, all these lovely ladies have masses of advice and just skimming around the forum reading has started to put my mind at rest. I am sure there will be a way for us all

Like I said, you're not alone... I was so grateful to read and learn that

I'm a new member but I'm here too if you want to talk, I really do recognise your fears as they are so much my own, and they're still often pretty dominant in my own head
x.x.x

 

[lauraperrysan]

hi, sorry your having such a hard time. I am 22, 19 when i had my dh. I have worked since she was 5 months and child and working tax credits help me with 80% of my nursery costs. When you return to work you can request flexible working hours. Childminders are great if you work shifts, they are cheap (£3.50 p/h in Bournemouth area as they can have between 3 and 5 kids at a time). Some will have LO over night...they are very flexible and affordable. If you need help with rent / c.tax and on a low income the local council can advise you what you are entilted to.
Yes, your life will be turned upside down and change alot, but it is do-able. You can do this. God gave you this baby for a reason.....I hope you find the right answer for you. I am not for abortion however I understand for some people it may be the only option....I would never judge. Only you know what is right.
Good luck, and p.s what an asshole he is xxx

 

[precious-gift]

things do get easier, im 5 months down the line from splitting from ex, my baby is due on sunday, and iv got to the point that i am looking forward to being a single mum and doing it on my own. I also believe that everything happens for a reason, and you will be fine. I used to worry about finances, didn't realise how much financial help there is. I am planning to go back to work after maternity leave, as this is what will work best for me, as for childcare the goverment will pay upto 80% of childcare fees, depending on your income, look into these things to see how you will manage, but trust me you will. where theres a will theres a way, just like everyone else says just take it one step at a time. I am also a registered nurse, there is no reason why you can't have your career and a baby, im not saying that it will be easy to start with, but if its what you want then you can do it.
Does the father of baby know that you are pregnant? has he offered any help?
I believe from reading your post that you do want this baby, it won't be easy, but it will be so worth it xx

 

[precious-gift]

also you will see from your replies that a lot of women are in the same situation as you, and we are here to support each other. I have found BnB a great help and i hope you do too. if you ever to chat or get advise there will always be someone here to listen xx