Am I being a paranoid, selfish, weirdo?

[Bella1185]

Don't think I've ever posted in WTT but it seems now is the time because this has been weighing on my heart. Sorry so long....

DH and I have a smart, funny, very spirited and adorable 11 month old daughter. I would be content just with her (I'm an only child so I think that's playing into my satisfaction with just one baby) but DH is HELL BENT on having another! I mean at least once a day he says "aw she needs a sibling!" or jokes that we need to get more chairs around the table for when "we have her little brother/sister!"

DD is a delight - a lot of work, yes - but a great kid! I had 3 miscarriages previously, so I was absolutely thrilled to have her!! DH is super helpful and a great dad, and we could easily support another baby. I keep telling DH we should adopt and he isn't opposed to it, but he keeps asking why? I told him that lots of wonderful babies need homes (which I believe and I seriously hope we do look into adoption someday) but the real reason is...

I'm too scared to be pregnant again. NOT because of the miscarriages but because I worry there will be something wrong with the baby/happen at birth.

I loved being pregnant with DD! I felt great and enjoyed it - but I worried THE WHOLE TIME there would be something wrong with her. There wasn't, but I just don't think I could mentally go through pregnancy again and wonder if everything will be okay for 9 whole months?

Don't judge me for this - but I sort of feel like, we are so blessed with one healthy daughter, when does the luck run out? isn't that an awful reason for not wanting another? I'm embarrassed of myself to be honest.

Has anyone ever felt this way and overcome it? Or am I just being a selfish weirdo? I think i might be!

 

[spicyorange]

I don't think you're selfish or weird

 

[SpringCrane]

I know exactly how you feel. I worried a lot during my son's pregnancy. We're talking about trying for #2, and I think about all the terrible things that can go wrong, and if something does, I know I'll think, "We should have stopped at one." We might both be paranoid, selfish, and weird... but you're not alone! ;-)

 

[KalonKiki]

I don't think that you're selfish or weird, it just sounds to me like you simply just aren't ready for another one right now. There is no rule that says that you can't wait until a later time to consider adoption or try for another one. Just revisit the idea a year or two from now and see how you feel. If you still feel satisfied with just your daughter then take another year or two and repeat the process until you realize that you will never want to be pregnant again, decide that you really do want to be pregnant again, or that you would only want another if you adopted.

 

[Pearls18]

You're not being selfish at all, in fact I sort of feel like it now, that having a 3rd would be pushing my luck- I couldn't have 3 healthy babies right? I think having a sibling is really important (but this is a personal opinion you obviously have a whole different -and more relatable!- experience) but if you're willing to adopt then I think you're being far from selfish. I hope you and your DH figure something out to make you both happy, but I think your feelings are completely legitimate, it's still pretty early days after your first, maybe give it more time

 

[Bella1185]

You're not being selfish at all, in fact I sort of feel like it now, that having a 3rd would be pushing my luck- I couldn't have 3 healthy babies right? I think having a sibling is really important (but this is a personal opinion you obviously have a whole different -and more relatable!- experience) but if you're willing to adopt then I think you're being far from selfish. I hope you and your DH figure something out to make you both happy, but I think your feelings are completely legitimate, it's still pretty early days after your first, maybe give it more time

The funny thing is...I used to beg my parents for a sibling! (They tried and tried but with no luck ) and I wish I had one now! I think you are all correct and maybe time will solve this one!!! thanks everyone for not making me feel so alone!

 

[Eleanor ace]

I felt like this while pregnant with DD, the whole time I was worried something woulf be wrong with her or we would lose her . The pregnancy was a little complicated but she came out healthy and perfect . I feel the same thinking about having a 3rd and have had the same thought about getting so lucky twice already and surely that luck can't last forever but I remind myself that the chances of something being wrong with LO don't increase just because I already have children

 

[Bella1185]

I felt like this while pregnant with DD, the whole time I was worried something woulf be wrong with her or we would lose her . The pregnancy was a little complicated but she came out healthy and perfect . I feel the same thinking about having a 3rd and have had the same thought about getting so lucky twice already and surely that luck can't last forever but I remind myself that the chances of something being wrong with LO don't increase just because I already have children

This is so true! Like that "game" you play in statistics class where you pull colored candies out of a bag, and even if you pull out a blue candy 10 times in a row (and then put it back into the bag every time) it doesn't change your chances of pulling a blue candy again. Oh what a dork I am

 

[apreslaube]

Adoption is a wonderful idea You are right, there are already so many out there needing a family. I don't know what your decision should be, but I think you need to figure out how much stress you can really handle in this sense. I hate anxiety, and I feel like you even entertaining the notion of getting pregnant again is inducing a ton of anxiety in you. It's OK to have an only child too. Don't get pressured into (by your husband OR yourself!) into doing something that could make you sick with worry. That being said, I'm sure you would say your daughter is worth all that worry...

And no, I don't think anything bad of you. There are tons of reasons why a person might not want a child. They are all valid. Does your husband know about the anxiety? It's not OK to induce that in you.Take care of yourself.

 

[tverb84]

I don't think you're selfish or weird etc. for feeling this way. Sometimes I worry about something happening when I'll be pregnant and I don't even have children yet or I worry I'm affecting my ability to have children already.

 

[TwilightAgain]

I don't think it's selfish or weird. I think it's natural to want the best quality of life for your children and obviously if they're poorly then they're not being given the life they deserve. I worry about this too (although I have no children).

I can totally see your OH's point too though, it must be hard when you want another but your partner doesn't. Maybe adoption will be your answer

 

[NovemberSnow]

Agree with others, I don't think you're selfish or weird. Maybe give yourself six months or so and then come back to this, it might just take time?