Am I being harsh???

[FinallyBFP]

So I over plan everything and I have said from the beginning I don’t want anyone at the hospital but my OH when I’m giving birth. My mother in law seems to think she’s going to turn up there and had a pissed off face when I said when I have a baby(she doesn’t know I’m preg yet) that I don’t want anyone there. the very woman who told me and my OH not to bother to have kids it’s too much stress bla bla bla it’s not worth it...when she knew I was having such a hard time conceiving. In the end I had ivf and the journey was a hard one but no one knows what me and my OH have been through. At the time she was saying don’t have kids, I suffered a miscarriage. So as you can imagine I have some resentment towards her and don’t feel like she deserves to be there. Why do I need an audience to see me screaming and pushing a baby out when everyone will have the rest of their lives to be around my baby?? I feel like I only want me and my OH to share this moment we have been through SO much and for people to just swan in and be there is really pissing me off the thought of it. Plus it’s not fair on my father in law for her to turn up with her boyfriend and meet my baby before he does. Her boyfriend does not even like me so he doesn’t need to be there either. Am I being unreasonable? On the other hand I don’t know how my OH will cope on his own me pushing a baby out I feel he will be a fainter

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

You’re not being harsh at all.

It’s your choice who you have in with you and any midwife will respect that wish as you’re the one who’s receiving the care.

I certainly wouldn’t want her bf there. In the UK you’re allowed 2 birth partners but that doesn’t mean you have to have 2.

Your baby your decision

 

[Maple_Fairy]

For me personally, I wouldn’t want my own mother in the room let alone my partners mother! I honestly don’t understand people who want brothers, sisters, mothers etc watching them give birth. It is a personal choice but that’s mine. I think it’s something that you and the father of your baby should experience together and no one else... The only person I would want in the room is my partner for sure. And even then I’m worried about the whole pooping thing etc as that’s not something I want ANYONE to see let alone my partner!! Haha!!

I think you need to do what’s right for YOU! It’s about YOU and no one else. You are the one who has to give birth and go through the experience and if you don’t want someone there then don’t feel that you have too. Xxx

 

[crownest]

No your not being harsh your birth your rules. You are only allowed 1 birth partner here I couldnt imagine having more people there.

 

[love.peace]

Your body, your baby, your choice love. And it's a special moment to just celebrate with your husband.
Sending love and strength x

 

[Emsabub]

I agree with everyone else. I had a huge issue with my mum wanting to be there and just assuming she would be, when I told her that wasn’t what I wanted she didn’t speak to me for about 2/3 weeks. She was very off and living at home at the time it was hell.

Let her have her little hissy fit if she has one, she can’t tell you not to have kids then demand to be there when you do. All is forgotten once baby has arrived anyway!

 

[Hoping4numbr3]

Not harsh. If you do not want anyone in the room with you when it is birthing time that is up to you. Tell the nurses/midwives to get everyone else out except your partner. I did not poop during either of my births I was too constipated. TMI sorry but true. My sister did have some come out during her birth but the nurses wipe it away before anyone really notices or cares. They are good! The father of my 2 kids whom is now my ex didn't even watch the birth of my two kids. He doesn't like blood and I am glad I didn't want him in there to see all that anyways. My sisters were with me the first time and so was my mom and honestly I got checked so many times my bits were on display that by time it was pushing time I really didn't care who was there lol.

 

[FinallyBFP]

Thank you ladies for all your support!! I feel even more guilty now because I actually meant I didn’t want anyone turning up at the hospital at alllike outside of the room!! It’s different these days you are not usually in hospital for more than a day or so after birth so I would rather everyone just visit my home when I’m home and settled and comfortable in my own space. They will all hear me outside of the room...I just don’t need it. I have love for my mother in law but she can be very critical and patronising I honestly feel she doesn’t think I will be a good mum yet I’ve worked with children especially babies for over 8 years. She still thinks I don’t cook for her son yet I cook every damn day! Little things like that. I could just see her saying oh god she’s screaming so much she’s not a strong woman to be doing this I wasn’t like that bla bla bla...I suppose I’m over thinking it all I just want people to see us when it’s all over and we are home. She’s also a smoker and I know she will be stress smoking outside the hospital as it’s all going down...so what then she’s going to come in and hold a newborn baby after a fag?! Xx

 

[Chezzer]

Nope not harsh at all I'm having my friend the father isn't welcome to watch me give birth his a tw@t and had not bothered since I've been preg we are split up and he's requested a dna . Have who u want there me your mate o/h or the blind man down the road this is your labour your body your choice. Be all spoilt brat act all celebrity. Iam
I'm have it in my note only people with the surname abc and def allowed in the room and the baby must be placed on me straight away and to no one else I must be first. I only want visitors with the surname abc in the room. And I want to leave the same day.

 

[Maple_Fairy]

FunallyBFP - I don’t want anyone coming to the hospital either. I dont want to be seen when I look my worst and I want that time for me, baby and babies dad... and time to rest and recover for myself. The last thing I want is people coming in and out. I’m not a selfish person but this is definitely a time I will be putting myself and baby first so again, I completely agree with you..

 

[Babybump87]

Not harsh at all !! I didn’t even have my own Mum in the room when I delivered by girls just me and DH . I couldn’t imagine another person there just staring and on their phones giving updates to other people ..

This time around it’s going to be the same just me and DH . I know my mum was pissed off especially when I was giving birth to DD1 she stayed outside the room with MIL until she was born. She’s seen all her other grandchildren being born apart from mine which I think she resents by I don’t care !

Just make sure you and DH are on the same page with this and go strong on this together. Don’t give her any reason to think she may be in with a chance of being in the room, if you really don’t want it !

 

[FinallyBFP]

thanks girls!! It is true it is the one time to be selfish, my whole life I’ve put others first and always worried about how others feel! My OH is thankfully on the same page he’s said no one needs to know we can just get a cab to the hospital. I live at home atm so my mum would find out but I feel she would respect my wishes she’s not pushy or stroppy in the same way MIL is. She’s very much a gossip so I know she will tell the whole family and portray it in a bad way. You know sometimes when someone is telling you a story if they say it in a certain way you are either one of those people who doesn’t think outside the box or you’re someone who thinks there’s two sides to every story. I know she will portray us like we are weird she already tells everyone it’s not healthy our relationship because we are together all the time?! Sorry I’m really having a rant here. I really feel pregnancy makes you pissed off about certain things and obsess over things more so than you would when you’re not pregnant!! But I’ll take all your advise! It’s one damn day out of how many years of life they will have with my child!!

 

[DobbyForever]

Not harsh at all. You have every right to feel comfortable. Labor and delivery is not a time to be people pleasers.

Does your ob offer labor classes? Could be a fun bonding time for you and DH, and simultaneously help him learn strats to focus on/help you

 

[second.time]

I didn't want anybody else there either. I am fairly private and it didn't bother me to have medical staff there because they see it every day and are trained to handle it, but the idea of my own mom or my in-laws seeing me naked and screaming was not pleasant. And I like my mom and in-laws! If you have any resentment or conflict, it's REALLY best to not have them there. Labor is not the time to add ANY extra stress, you deserve as much control over your environment as possible. Your mother-in-law will have plenty of time to bond with the baby.

Try not to worry about how she portrays it to other members of the family. Most people think it's totally normal to have only your SO at the birth so if anything she'll sound weird for questioning it.

 

[Perplexed]

Completely your choice. You're not being harsh at all. So many things about labor are unpredictable but at least we get to choose who gets to be in there with us!

 

[autumnal]

Don't tell her you are in labour then she won't even know when to go!

Maybe it would help if your OH handled telling her these things in the future so she isn't blaming you for all of it? After all it's his mother!

 

[Chezzer]

One of u said something i don't want the dad updating his Facebook or hearing his phone beep every 5 mins asking for update. I'm gonna be mumzilla I'm half tempted to do it just me and the midwives.

 

[Maple_Fairy]

I’m even considering not even telling people / family when I go into hospital. My mum will just worry to death which I don’t want her to do and others will probs be texting all the time which will just stress me out!

If you can get away will not telling people or as little people as possible do that! Just tell them once baby is born and then it’s too late for them then!

 

[BelleNuit]

I told DH that I didn't want any visitors for the first 24 hours. We experienced infertility and I think I need that time to just process and be with my baby and husband without happy onlookers. I think it's good to establish boundaries early on so that you're not surprised at all that vulnerable moment

 

[Bella1185]

Omg not harsh that’s normal and healthy and boundary setting! Please, she doesnt need to be there - that is so nuts.


The nurses at the hospital in labor and delivery are incredible and have seen every inch of family drama in all capacities and will kindly and flawlessly allow only who YOU want to be in the room to be there. They’re so good they’ll just say like “okay time for a check - everybody out please - help yourself to some cookies in the hall!” As they shuffle all the extra unwanted people out and lock the door behind them They’ve got it down to an art! Ask on your next doctor visit - they’ll reassure you of this! You just state what you need now and then and rest assured it’ll all happen just as it should. Now is NOT the time to worry about what MIL wants