Am I being selfish?

[marley2580]

But it also means something to the OP for her baby not to have a bottle. And tbh if he's not willing to wait for BFing to be established (which is what's needed if she's not going to risk damaging her supply) then he is being unreasonable.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Mervs Mum, that may be how your hubby feels.. But other hubbys may feel they would like to take part in the feeding... And obviously it does mean something to the OP's hubby... to take part in feeding.

Of course I understand not all men (or women!) feel the same. I think what I was trying to say is that I sometimes get the impression that BFing Mums are being accused of denying their OHs of the opportunity to bond with their babes. I just dont think thats very fair.

 

[Blob]

Thats so mean to put you in that position, daddy's have the job of keeping you going whilst you're bf, helping when they're crying too much to feed at the start. They can put babies to sleep best and entertain them when they're hungry cos they dont smell of milk. I leave my OH with her alot when he's back at night and he does the bedtime bath as a way of bonding. When you're ready then you can express, but i dont think you should be pushed into doing it. I'm totally scared Tabitha will decide she only wants the bottle cos we had sooo much trouble trying to get her to bf. I was kept in the hospital and could only feed from one side and then she'd only feed from the other took about 2 weeks to get it was a nightmare.

 

[Whisper]

Hun i really think you should do what you want to do, i know it is his baby too but how does he know how he will feel once your LO is here?

I also agree it is unfair to say that daddies that don't take part in feeding are less bonded with their babies than those that do. My DH is probably my LO's favourite person!! She always always smiles for him, forever chatting away to him. If he walks into the room and i am holding/talking to her she ignores me completely and only has eyes for him!

Perhaps you could compromise, once your supply is established then you will express so he can help with the feeds and you can leave your LO with someone. He should do some research on b/f and how tough it is especially if you try and express right away.

And as for your Inlaws the biggest way to give them the middle finger is to b/f! Go for it

 

[Whisper]

Mervs Mum, that may be how your hubby feels.. But other hubbys may feel they would like to take part in the feeding... And obviously it does mean something to the OP's hubby... to take part in feeding.

Of course I understand not all men (or women!) feel the same. I think what I was trying to say is that I sometimes get the impression that BFing Mums are being accused of denying their OHs of the opportunity to bond with their babes. I just dont think thats very fair.

I know exactly what you mean, my MIL and some family members make me feel like this all the time.

When i ask them how they plan to feed their LO's (when they have them) they always say b/f but express so OH can bond to Always makes me feel bad

When i ask my hubby if he minds he says he doesn't at all, so i guess that is all that counts really.

 

[ryder]

Mervs Mum, that may be how your hubby feels.. But other hubbys may feel they would like to take part in the feeding... And obviously it does mean something to the OP's hubby... to take part in feeding.

Of course I understand not all men (or women!) feel the same. I think what I was trying to say is that I sometimes get the impression that BFing Mums are being accused of denying their OHs of the opportunity to bond with their babes. I just dont think thats very fair.

I dont mean to accuse anyone... however, I know in my case Jasmine slept and ate, she hates baths... So what would have been left for my OH to do? He could hold her lots, change diapers and that was it.

Now she is starting to play more and stuff there is more for him to do and he is with her lots... But even now she has a stronger bond with me... and im only bottle feeding!

So I can see where her OH is coming from.

I agree though to wait until your milk is established... I dont think 6 weeks is necessary though, unless your having issues.

 

[clairebear]

i BF and jack really doesnt wanna take a bottle so daddy can feed him.

so daddy does lots of other things to bond, like bathing, burping, cuddling, changing and now jacks older he feeds him mushed up rusk and plays with him.

feeding is not the main way to bond just one of many x

 

[ColtonsMom]

I've never BF. However, whether the daddy feeds or not, I think a baby should be used to a bottle. That way you can have breaks every now and then. Even if you are comfortable feeding your baby in public, what if you want to leave them with your mother or something for a night?
At the same time, I think you should BF exclusively for the first 6wks or so, like the others said. To get your milk established. I have a friend who just recently had a baby and she wanted to JUST express.. her milk supply was gone before he was two weeks old. After that first 6wks, talk to your OH and see if he still feels the same way. I'm sure by then, he will have spent plenty of time with LO and already be bonded in many ways.
Either way, whatever you choose to do, make sure it's something your comfortable and happy with; and dont let anyone push you into something.

 

[PeanutBean]

Sorry not got time to go through the whole thread. It's fine for your OH to want to share the feeding but I hope it's not a way to stop you breast feeding. If you are worried about bottles and things you can express and put the milk into a little cup, say the top of a bottle, sterilised, then sit the baby up so the baby can lap from the cup. That way there won't be problems with taking back to the breast. Maybe like others have said, express enough for your OH to do a feed a day.

 

[JayleighAnn]

Thankyou all for your replies

I think we're just going to wait and see how things go, still got 29weeks till bubba is here anyway lol

I think a lot of it comes from his mother being so strongly against breast feeding, she told me that the reason she didn't breastfeed is due to her never producing any milk at all (no colustrum or anything) but then she speaks about how wonderful formula is?

OH recently spoke to a friend of mine, who is a lesbian and her and her partner have a daughter through using a sperm donor, and she found it very hard to bond with her daughter, as the partnity issue was a big issue for her. Now I'm not saying he's impressionable, but he never had any issues with feeling left out or anything until he spoke to her? so I don't know if she's said things that have made him believe he will be left out (I know she suggested to him that he will be pushed out at the birth if my mum is there, telling him my mum will push him out, and when the babies born she will take over and cut the cord and dress baby etc, which isnt true! He then tried to tell me I couldnt have my mum there at the birth, which I kicked off at and told him he was being unfair)

Sorry this post has got so long lol but basically, I think we're going to wait and see how we feel when baby is here

 

[babe2ooo]

i dont mean this is a bad way but i think your being really mean to your oh, this is a man wanting to feed and not all men want to do this, cant u just pump once a day so he can have some time feeding the baby, i was pumping at around 3-4weeks, my oh loved feeding jack, a bottle is not going to do your baby any harm, i wouldn't feed your baby formula, but i would try expressing b4 6weeks just for your oh, your oh needs to bond to...

 

[marley2580]

I don't understand why everyone seems to think that feeding a baby is the only way to bond with a baby. My OH never fed Kaya until she was on solids yet he bonded with her sooner than I did! I also don't understand why people seem to think that it's important for a baby to take a bottle. Kaya's never taken a bottle and it's never done either of us any harm. I think it can actually put pressure on women to express, and then if they can't get much, can lead to them questioning their milk supply. I was always getting told 'oh just express and leave her with a bottle' when other people were babysitting. It led to more stress for me as 1. I couldn't get more than two oz at a time (even though I got loads before my supply regulated) and 2. Kaya wouldn't take the bottle.

It does sound like your OHs a bit suggestible, I think if you got a 'professional' to speak to him he'd suddenly change his tune lol.

 

[PeanutBean]

I agree with Marley, my DH hasn't fed Byron and likewise I think he bonded before I did. He spends loads of time with Byron while I try to get some sleep at night when Byron won't settle. This whole thing about OHs feeling left out, I don't get it. There are loads and loads of ways to provide for and show love for a baby. Feeding is just one aspect of that care. I'm obviously not against involving OHs in whatever way works out best for the family but when it comes down to it women carry the baby, give birth to the baby and have the necessary equipment to naturally feed the baby - that's our job, it's what we are designed to do. Some OHs need to get over themselves a bit...

 

[masi]

I agree with Marley, my DH hasn't fed Byron and likewise I think he bonded before I did. He spends loads of time with Byron while I try to get some sleep at night when Byron won't settle. This whole thing about OHs feeling left out, I don't get it. There are loads and loads of ways to provide for and show love for a baby. Feeding is just one aspect of that care. I'm obviously not against involving OHs in whatever way works out best for the family but when it comes down to it women carry the baby, give birth to the baby and have the necessary equipment to naturally feed the baby - that's our job, it's what we are designed to do. Some OHs need to get over themselves a bit...

I agree wholeheartedly. If you don't want your baby to take a bottle then don't. Seth has never had a bottle, and it hasn't done him any harm.
To be quite honest i think i have enough to do with a new baby without feeling obliged to put time aside to express milk, so someone else can do a job that my breasts were made for.
I have nothing against bottle feeding formula/breastmilk if that's what mum wants to do, but if your not comfortable with it then don't.

 

[coccyx]

Completely agree with Peanut Bean. Have breastfed all my 4 children and my hubby has no issues with bonding. Think the in laws should butt out!

 

[JayleighAnn]

i dont mean this is a bad way but i think your being really mean to your oh, this is a man wanting to feed and not all men want to do this, cant u just pump once a day so he can have some time feeding the baby, i was pumping at around 3-4weeks, my oh loved feeding jack, a bottle is not going to do your baby any harm, i wouldn't feed your baby formula, but i would try expressing b4 6weeks just for your oh, your oh needs to bond to...

Yes my OH does need to bond and I'm not denying him this and he can do in loads of other ways, it isn't the issue of him feeding the baby, its the issue of giving baby a bottle when I don't feel comfortable with doing so.

I'm simply not comfortable with the idea of a bottle in babies mouth. It's not just bottles, I don't like dummies either, which my OH wants our baby to have.

We just seem to have very different issues on how to feed baby and I just wanted to see if anyone had an opinions on how to comprimise, and I do like the idea (can't remember who said it sorry) of using a shallow cup for baby to lap from.

 

[Miss Duke]

i dont mean this is a bad way but i think your being really mean to your oh, this is a man wanting to feed and not all men want to do this, cant u just pump once a day so he can have some time feeding the baby, i was pumping at around 3-4weeks, my oh loved feeding jack, a bottle is not going to do your baby any harm, i wouldn't feed your baby formula, but i would try expressing b4 6weeks just for your oh, your oh needs to bond to...

Yes my OH does need to bond and I'm not denying him this and he can do in loads of other ways, it isn't the issue of him feeding the baby, its the issue of giving baby a bottle when I don't feel comfortable with doing so.

I'm simply not comfortable with the idea of a bottle in babies mouth. It's not just bottles, I don't like dummies either, which my OH wants our baby to have.

We just seem to have very different issues on how to feed baby and I just wanted to see if anyone had an opinions on how to comprimise, and I do like the idea (can't remember who said it sorry) of using a shallow cup for baby to lap from.

How strange that your oh already wants your lo to have a dummy. I would have thought this was something decided after the baby comes, many babies don't need or want dummies.

I agree with others that oh shouldn't need ot feed the baby to bond with it.

What a shame your oh is putting this pressure on you when you should be just enjoying your preg.

 

[kiwimama]

I don't understand why everyone seems to think that feeding a baby is the only way to bond with a baby. My OH never fed Kaya until she was on solids yet he bonded with her sooner than I did! I also don't understand why people seem to think that it's important for a baby to take a bottle. Kaya's never taken a bottle and it's never done either of us any harm. I think it can actually put pressure on women to express, and then if they can't get much, can lead to them questioning their milk supply. I was always getting told 'oh just express and leave her with a bottle' when other people were babysitting. It led to more stress for me as 1. I couldn't get more than two oz at a time (even though I got loads before my supply regulated) and 2. Kaya wouldn't take the bottle.

It does sound like your OHs a bit suggestible, I think if you got a 'professional' to speak to him he'd suddenly change his tune lol.

If hes anything like my OH then it will help. I had been mentioning that I was worried about bfing not going to plan or me not being able to do it. He just kept telling me, "its natural, you just stick em on the boob and its all good." Then we had an antenatal class last week dedicated to learning about bfing and the problems you might come across. He didn't realise that its not as easy as "sticking em on the boob"! He's now totally clued up and ready to provide the support when baby arrives.

 

[kiwimama]

Remember that everyone has different experiences. Some may be able to express from the word go while for others they may never be able to get enough to provide a decent feed from a bottle. Some babies may take a bottle while others just downright refuse. Your baby might have no problem going from breast to bottle and back again, but they may do. If every baby was the same then this childraising thing would be easy! I am just going to wait to see how things go. I just can't predict how my baby is going to be. I hope your OH will change his tune before baby arrives (although this might prove a bit difficult because of his parents attitude to bfing.)
Just found a webpage with ways fathers can bond with their bf babies: https://www.breastfeeding123.com/ten-ways-fathers-can-bond-with-the-breastfed-baby/
I think that because you get that special time to bond with your baby while bfing, maybe suggest he can have a special activity that only he does with baby to help bonding?

 

[PeanutBean]

Yes my OH does need to bond and I'm not denying him this and he can do in loads of other ways, it isn't the issue of him feeding the baby, its the issue of giving baby a bottle when I don't feel comfortable with doing so.

I'm simply not comfortable with the idea of a bottle in babies mouth. It's not just bottles, I don't like dummies either, which my OH wants our baby to have.

We just seem to have very different issues on how to feed baby and I just wanted to see if anyone had an opinions on how to comprimise, and I do like the idea (can't remember who said it sorry) of using a shallow cup for baby to lap from.

lol That was me! Just what the MW told me to do. You can also use a syringe for the colostrum in the first days should you need to - you'll be able to get one from your MW if you need it, but hopefully you won't!

I think at this stage it would be sensible for neither of you to plan dummies or whatever. It's really different once you have the baby and there could be allsorts of unexpected things that might alter how either one of you feel. If you BF then it's important that LO has neither teat nor dummy for the first few weeks but after that you might find you want to use a dummy too or that the baby doesn't take to it anyway. Once you have the baby you will both just want to what is best for the baby.