Am i being too hard on her? pretty long sorry

[Jo]

I would have done the same, Jo! Sometimes you have to use tough love and although they don't get it now, they some day will.



I once did something that was unacceptable a few weeks before my 16th birthday. My party was canceled and although it was sad for me, I did get why it happened.

Ooh i'm fascinated now are you gonna tell me?

 

[x-amy-x]

Personally, i would sit her down and have a talk with her. I think that i might compromise with her, she thinks her party is cancelled yeah?

I would tell her that i was unhappy with the way i was spoken to and what you had offered her etc. I would probably allow her maybe 1 or 2 friends over. I think i agree with Tallulah, she is just pushing her boundaries, but it is her 10th birthday. Double figures an everything. It should be special and memorable and hopefully she learned a lesson this time.

But obviously i have no grown up children so i cannot make a knowledgeable suggestion. You know your child and what will and will not benefit her. I know i pushed my limits as a child and my parents often went back on their word but i was generally a good kid. Obviously if she is constantly like this towards you then she needs to learn her lesson.

I also thinks she should share a tea party with jack, he shouldnt have to sacrifice anything bless him... Kids can be a handful at times, i was once haha xx

 

[JayleighAnn]

On the 12th xmas (2 months before my 13th Birthday) I ran away from my mum's house to my dads house, I had asked to go live with my dad after a big family dissagreement with my mum, and she said under no circumstances was I going to live with my dad as he wouldn't be able to provide properly for me (I didn't understand at the time, but I do now) but I got my grand-dad on my dad's side to pick me up anyway. I then expected the nice big sterio for xmas that my mum had promised me, as 12yr old's do! Low and behold, my xmas presents from my mum was a bar of soap, black nail varnish and black eyeliner.

Now clearly this is extreme compared to you'r daughter getting a bit mouthy, but boy oh boy did I learn my lesson as 3 months later I went home crying as my mum was right all along. I got my sterio as she had already bought it, but no doubt if she hadn't, I would not of had it when I moved back home.

So....I think you should stick to your guns, not let her have a sleep over, yes a family tea party, but no friends over, and explain to her exactly why you have done this.

Good luck

 

[AppleBlossom]

I would have done the same, I don't think you're being harsh at all. Besides which, you've punished her now, if you go back on it now it'll make her think it's ok for her to do it again. I think you should just explain to her why she's being punished, she will soon learn that she can't always have her own way. My sisters are exactly the same with my parents but they hand out punishments but never keep to them and as a result they end up getting away with murder which isn't fair on my mum and dad or them. Good luck!

 

[nightkd]

I don't think you were being harsh at all. But perhaps now, if she is showing remorse, sit down and ask her if she would still like a party. But make sure she knows it is your house, and therefore your rules.

 

[acv_17]

I don't think you're being harsh at all...Kids need boundaries and consistency.

Have you asked her(when you both are calmed down of course) why it is so important to have 5? It could be something like she has a group of 5 friends that are equally important to her and she doesn't want the 5th to feel left out...I can see that would be very important to a 10 year old.

If it's something like that, maybe consider having a party , but no sleepover, as a consequence for her behavior?

 

[nightkd]

Have you asked her(when you both are calmed down of course) why it is so important to have 5? It could be something like she has a group of 5 friends that are equally important to her and she doesn't want the 5th to feel left out...I can see that would be very important to a 10 year old.
?

This is exactly what I was thinking. It might not be that she was 'pushing her boundaries' as much, as thinking that she had 5 friends and didn't want to leave one out, but didn't know how to phrase this, or get the opportunity to explain. You never know!

I was planning a surprise for my mum's birthday when I was about...7(?) it was shortly after my dad left and he was helping me. I was getting excited about it, so I told her (I can't remember exactly what I said) that I was planning something with my dad for her. I told her it was a secret and I couldn't tell her exactly what it was. She started screaming at me and shaking me and I had to admit (cowering in the corner) that I was planning a meal or something for her birthday.

Think she must've been paranoid that my dad was kidnapping me or something (like he'd bother) but as a little kid I obviously phrased it in such a way that got her riled when I thought it was perfectly innocent.

Obviously this is a bit more extreme than your case!!! But sometimes kids miss out those little details because they don't think they're important, and then don't understand what's got you so angry. So it is worth clarifying with her.

 

[MissMandieMitz]

I don't think it was harsh of you at all.

I have a friend whom I've known almost all my life. When we were younger (around 10 or so) she would push her mom over the edge and her mom would tell her that she was grounded for so long. The next day, her mom would tell her she's not grounded anymore. Thus, my friend would do what she wanted, because she knew her mom wouldn't stick to the punishment she was given.

 

[LilFlower08]

Ha...what a wonderful topic... i grew up with two extremes.

My dad, who i utterly adore and have to say stick by my "daddy's girl" tag from my OH... he was strict and at times insensitive to how i felt (i thought!!) but now, i look back and he was very boistorous, loud and shouty when he tried to say no to me, he'd struggle to explain why and often use the "because i siad so" line or "my house, my rules" one!! It used to frustrate me so much and i'd get so distressed at time but now i've grown up to realise he had his way of doing things and he was doind it all im MY best interest... he found it hard to "talk" and even harder to "listen" but deep down he always understood.

My Mum on the other hand (who i adore just as much!)... soft as you like, always gave in (even if it did take some like moaning) and always cleared up the mess when (like she had said) it went rong...
She was never irresponsible she just let me have alot of slack and i loved it, but also new that i shouldnt abuse it... if there was issues she REALLY opposed she'd pass the buck to my dad and hed say no because she couldn't take the dissapointment id get.... so they both had roles and both used to work them acordingly... now i am close to both and appreciate everything they do (or dont do!!!) and realise there reasons....

Parenting was never gonna be easy.... but they always tell me that i was the worst one out of me sis... myself ...and my bro!!! Ooops!!

xx

 

[LilFlower08]

Don't know why i added this bloody history post...ha! but i suppose thats just two ways of perneting iv experience both of which i appreciate late as im sure whichever way you choose your daughter will always appreciate it later! xx

 

[enigma]

I would probably have gone off on one too if im honest.
Its girls these days, they seem to be born with pmt. My daughter developed an attitude problem as soon as she learned to talk.
Lads are alot more chilled out about things where as girls tend to get a bit tetchy.