Am I in the wrong?

[Aidan's Mummy]

I am sick of my dad telling me how to parent and what I choose for my children is wrong. Yesterday Aidan said bugger while my dad was there. I told Aidan I didn't want him saying that word as it can be seen as not very nice. My dad then pipes up and says "Oh it has different meanings" I get that but most of the time it is seen as an offensive term and I don't want my child saying it. He then proceeded to message me a definition of bugger and said it's fine to use it depending in what context. I then proceeded to say that it Aidan doesn't really understand that he has to use it in certain contexts for it not to be offensive therefore I will not allow him to say it. He replied with this

How ridiculous, it isn't offensive and I don't give a damn what other people say. It isn't offensive and I am not going to live my life according to the belief of idiots.

I am sick to death of him trying to undermine me as a parent. Am I in the wrong? Should I just accept it and say that Aidan can say it? Fuming tbh x

 

[lindseymw]

Whilst I agree with your dad about the word 'buggar' (I don't see it as swear word), if YOU don't want Aidan to say it, then that is a choice you have absolutely the right to make and your dad should respect that.

A few swear words have different meanings, it doesn't mean it's ok to use them. That logic is a bit off. i.e. Twat is a pregnant fish.....doesn't mean I will be teaching my kids that word anytime soon.

 

[Creative]

Your child, your rules.
I wouldn't want my child saying bugger either! The fact that a word could be seen as inappropriate by other people is a good reason for not using it at all!

I do laugh though because as children me and my siblings grew up in a very Christian home, but we were all somewhat sheltered as were my parents and Twat and crap were regular words in our vocablury. It was my OH that finally explained to me the relation of these words to other meanings!

 

[Belle25]

Your in the right-your dad needs to see you as a parent in your own right, not his little girl he can tell what to do anymore.
Xx

 

[smokey]

I have the same argument with my dad with the word bloody.
Yes while some words are not swearing it doesn't mean they are nice things to say, a few examples of things I don't like him to say yet none are swearing are bloody, shutup, fart and I don't really like him saying hate either.
And what is it with grandparents and acting more childish then our kids, if I pull my mum or dad up about something they have said they sulk.
I had to tell them to stop the other day because they where arguing in the garden and LO could here my mum tell my dad to shutup so he started saying it so I told them to stop around him and one stomped off down the garden and slammed the shed door while the other one stomped off inside and slammed the back door.

 

[Eleanor ace]

You're in the right. You're Aidan's parent, you set the rules for him. If your dad wants to say bugger then fine- but he shouldn't be doing it around LO and he shouldn't undermine you telling your LO not to say it.

 

[hayz_baby]

I would of replied if you don't care what idiots believe that's ok I don't care for what u think either. I'm not going to live my life to what you believe

 

[supertabby]

I agree with you. Personally I don't think it's a suitable word for a child to say - despite the meanings I wouldn't be particularly offended by an adult saying it (stronger swears I wouldn't like from anyone) but I don't think it's right for children to say.

But regardless of the word the issue is your dad interfering. You could be saying your children aren't allowed to say "button" and you'd be a bit mad lol but it'd be YOUR parenting decision and noone else's. I think it's fine for your dad to offer an opinion - after all I think we'll never stop being parents and trying to help or teach our kids - but he needs to accept if you dont agree then that should be the end of discussion. He raised his child/children and now you're raising yours. Could you tell him that in a calm moment and him listen or will he just ignore you? Good luck!

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Thanks girls. No I he wouldn't listen if I tried to talk to him about it calmly he would just turn in into a argument and he can get pretty nasty. Glad I'm not being stupid though, even though he makes me feel that way sometimes

 

[Lauraxamy]

You're not in the wrong as all. You're his Mum, it doesn't matter what the word is or what it means, if you don't want him saying that word then that's how it should be.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Your dad needs to back off n stop interfering! U r not wrong atall xx

 

[Larkspur]

Sounds like your dad is taking it rather personally. I'd have just replied, "Jolly good, I'm not telling you how to live your life, I'm telling my son the words I don't want him using at his age."

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Thanks ladies I replied " that's fine if you want to use that word. But as Aidan's parent I am telling him he can't use it"

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

He replied and said "Fine I will stay away from you and Aidan then" x

 

[xprincessx]

how ridiculous! you're certainly not in the wrong hun, fancy wanting a child to say words like that, the mind boggles!

 

[Tasha]

Wow, what an over-reaction on his behalf. He seems to of taken it very personally. I would say if you want to lose your relationship with your daughter and grandsons over one word, then that is pretty sad. I know you are my parent but I am Aidan's and I must do what I feel is right, just as you did when you were bringing me up.

 

[Larkspur]

He replied and said "Fine I will stay away from you and Aidan then" x

WOW. How old is this man? He's behaving like a five-year-old.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

He replied and said "Fine I will stay away from you and Aidan then" x

WOW. How old is this man? He's behaving like a five-year-old.

66. I know! I told him to grow up on the end because its pathetic

 

[sparkle_1979]

He's bang out of order, you're the parent and he should respect every decisio you make if he agrees or not... I happen to agree with you about the word

 

[Eleanor ace]

Wow, what an over-reaction on his behalf. He seems to of taken it very personally. I would say if you want to lose your relationship with your daughter and grandsons over one word, then that is pretty sad. I know you are my parent but I am Aidan's and I must do what I feel is right, just as you did when you were bringing me up.

This .
Hopefully he'll take a day or two to calm down and realise that he let a little thing blow into a big thing, and get over it.