Am I making the right decision? Miscarriage at 21 weeks

[Mellovesado]

I am 21 weeks pregnant with a beautiful baby girl. I went for a routine check up this week and the hospital told me they couldn't find her heart beat. I am so heartbroken, I can't eat, sleep or think straight. I went for another scan just hoping a praying that they were wrong, but sadly she has passed. It doesn't feel real, I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare and I just want someone to wake me up already. I went to talk to the doctor today, to tell me my options. I have decided to wait for labour to come on naturally, I don't know if this is the right choice. I don't want to be induced knowing that I could be waiting at the hospital for days on the labour ward with all the other mums having their beautiful healthy babies, when I know mine will never take her first breath. I have had 4 other pregnancy, I have 3 amazing happy healthy kids and I lost twins at 31 weeks in 2011. I have had c-section with all 4 pregnancy and have no idea what labour feels like, I'm scared and don't know what to expect. This time last week I was the happiest I had ever been, it took me nearly 3 years to know what true happiness felt like again after I lost the twins. I suffered server depression, anxiety and even attempted suicide. I had a gorgeous little girl in 2013, my pregnancy with her was very complicated and I found that I couldn't get excited about the pregnancy cause I was so scared of losing her after the twins. When I fell pregnant this time I was so excited, I was picturing our future, I was enjoying getting fat, I felt like I had so much to look forward to. I now feel like my world has been turned upside down again, i have so much heart ache in front of me, delivering the baby, making funeral arrangements. Feel like I'm back at square one, I have an amazing supportive partner,. Who I can't be thankful enough for. He supports all my decisions as he just wants me to be happy but I think he wishes that I chose to be induced. Any advice would be great

RIP my beautiful angel Ellie xxx

 

[Emmasmom2]

I am so sorry about the loss of your baby girl, honey. Although my story is a bit different from your, I know the pain, it's excruciating. My kids keep me going during the day but at night when everyone is asleep and all is quiet, the thoughts of my baby dying in my arms are tormenting me. I hope you find your strength.

I think the choice whether to induce or not is a very personal one. No one can tell you if it's right or wrong. Do what you think is right for you. One thing I got to say though is that after I had Emma it was very, very hard being in the maternity ward. Hearing other women labor and newborns cry made me feel more acutely that my baby is lying quietly in the cot next to me. It was hard. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

I wish you all the peace one can get. God bless.

 

[slg76]

I can't even imagine what you have been through and how you must feel. I don't think there is a right decision. Just do what makes you feel the most at peace. I'm so sorry

 

[3Minions]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've only had 2 c-sections but when I had my m/c at 16w I was told they couldn't induce me because of the risk of uterine rupture. You might want to double check that with your doctor if you decide to go that route.
Big hugs hun.