Am I overreacting? Sooo angry

[Katie26]

I haven't posted in a while but I need some advice.
Background info:
My FIL left his wife (MIL) for her sister and they have now been married for a few years. MIL has a mental illness and it is hard to put her in a room with other people as she usually will start a fight. But she is still the grandma.

So my amazing SIL is throwing me a shower. When StepMIL found out she booked a trip to Cuba so she couldn't show up since MIL will be there. Now the stepMIL says that she is going to throw another shower and pretty much make SIL's shower not happen (as they will go to the stepMIL's shower and not hers).

First I am so angry that the stepMIL would do this as she always finds a way to make everything about her and she will leave MiL out of the shower that she throws bc they haven't spoken in a few years.

Anyways am I allowed to completely freak out and not go to this other shower that is being planned? I feel so bad for my MIL as she will end up not being any part of this if stepMIL gets her way and SIL will be crushed as she is sooo excited about doing this.

I figure this is the only time I am allowed to be completely selfish but please let me know what you think.

(my mom is not doing the shower as she lives in Vancouver and I live in Toronto. She has already booked her ticket to be out here for SIL's shower.)

Any help would be great as I think my hormones have made me a mad woman right now.

 

[ermm23a]

Tell StepMIL thanks but no thanks to her shower offer. Tell her you only want one shower and SIL has already planned one.

 

[stellababy]

sorry you are going through this hunny- i would tell the stepmil that "although i appreciate everything you are doing for me, i already have a shower thats being planned and was hoping to attend it, and you are welcome to come" but she prolly wont. its your shower, your baby, not your stepmil's and you are not being selfish at all imo

 

[lulu37688]

ooh - stepMIL sounds like a whole ball of fun!
I wouldnt go - say something like "I appreciate your wanting to throw a shower for me, but there is one already being planned by XXX and you are more than welcome to attend"
Don't be a pawn in her family drama

 

[WifeyMommy]

Tell StepMIL thanks but no thanks to her shower offer. Tell her you only want one shower and SIL has already planned one.

This. The end. Put your foot down. And tell your husband he needs to have a private talk with his dad. so that his dad can reign in his wife to respect your wishes.

 

[Gonnabeamomma]

I haven't posted in a while but I need some advice.
Background info:
My FIL left his wife (MIL) for her sister and they have now been married for a few years. MIL has a mental illness and it is hard to put her in a room with other people as she usually will start a fight. But she is still the grandma.

So my amazing SIL is throwing me a shower. When StepMIL found out she booked a trip to Cuba so she couldn't show up since MIL will be there. Now the stepMIL says that she is going to throw another shower and pretty much make SIL's shower not happen (as they will go to the stepMIL's shower and not hers).
I feel so bad for my MIL as she will end up not being any part of this if stepMIL gets her way and SIL will be crushed as she is sooo excited about doing this.


(my mom is not doing the shower as she lives in Vancouver and I live in Toronto. She has already booked her ticket to be out here for SIL's shower.)

Any help would be great as I think my hormones have made me a mad woman right now.

I would speak to SIL and tell her, no matter what stepMIL decides to do, you are attending her party and that you would rather have a small gathering of women who truly love you and are happy for you rather than another party that excludes people who are an important part of LO's life. Follow up with your stepMIL by telling her that you'll miss her at your shower and wish her well on her trip. If you don't act like stepMIL is affecting you in a negative way, you take the negative power away from her and put the positive focus back on LO and you... just where it should be!

 

[Foxy89]

I agree tell her to do one!! lol

Well I agree with Gonnabemumma dont give her the power, she sounds like a B!
Sounds like she has messed with too many lives already to start messing with a new one!

 

[MissRoxie]

Plain and simple, attend the shower YOU want. Why would anyone attend a babyshower for someone who isn't going to be there? I know I wouldn't. You're Step MIL sounds like a bitch & sounds like shes bad news! Doesn't she feel bad enough for stealing her own sisters husband enough but she has to go and take your MIL duty away as grandmother too? Sorry if I upset anyone but this is my opinion...

 

[mummyzilla]

Tell StepMIL thanks but no thanks to her shower offer. Tell her you only want one shower and SIL has already planned one.

This. The end. Put your foot down. And tell your husband he needs to have a private talk with his dad. so that his dad can reign in his wife to respect your wishes.

agree this is the best thing to do, this is about you and your baby, not a silly game of family politics which your stepmum is trying to make it. Your sil sounds lovely planning this and I agree mil is the grandma and she should be present if you wish x

 

[vitriolic_vix]

Like the other ladies have said tell her no! If she wants to come to the planned shower then fine but why would you need another?! You SIL its sounds like has gone to a lot of trouble.. your mum is making the trip etc... better to upset StepMIL than EVERYONE else! She will get over it eventually! You don't have to be angry with her or negative just firmly say no thanks