Am I really about to have a kid with you??!!

[Sakura15]

Particularly for those WTT#1 but maybe this feeling still comes up after having kids already?

This is a half-joking half-serious dilemma....You spend a decade or more on some form of birth control...you kiss a few frogs, maybe lose a prince along the way, and finally you settle down for life with your lovely OH. You finally agree on when you will TTC. You are thrilled. You can't wait.

And then he does or says something that makes you question everything. I don't mean major things like he's cheated or anything, but...my OH has this habit of not letting me know right away when his plans have changed and it drives me up a wall. Ever so often, I'm expecting him home right after work and he and the guys stop by a bar instead, I text or call and he doesn't answer, and it drives me crazy that it's not automatic for him to just get in touch with me right away. He's so much better with this than he used to be, but he did this last week and instead of being just slightly annoyed, I felt like it was an existential crisis. What if he does this when we have a baby too?? What if something is really wrong and I need him but he hasn't phoned and won't answer?? Am I really going to have a baby with this man???

Just to put this in context, most of the time I am thrilled at the thought of us raising little ones together, but now that it's really decided it seems like I blow his imperfections out of proportion sometimes. And of course I'm not perfect either...but when something comes up I have this nervous feeling like my chances of choosing a different life are running out and I don't want to make a mistake about something this big. Then by the day after one of these little episodes I'm laughing at myself. Of course talking with him about this is a must-do, but just wondering - is it normal to sometimes over-scrutinise your partner once you've decided to TTC?

 

[jtr2803]

I think I can say I give more consideration to how the things he does to annoy will impact us as a family.

Typical one is when we are going out, hubby will say he's ready when he's not even changed etc, he just cannot be on time like ever. So usually I'm ready and waiting (because I hate being late) and if he carries on like that getting a lo out to nursery/school is gonna be difficult.

I try not to sweat it, he might change completely when a baby arrives! I've been in a relationship where he did things on purpose to cause me stress or be nasty and my hubby isn't that kinda person, he just doesn't engage brain at times and there's a big difference between the two. He's been told he needs to get more organised before kids arrive

 

[Angel_blues]

Oh god I know how you feel. I had a rather important doctors appointment Tuesday last week. OH said he couldn't miss work and that I would have to go alone. Yesterday (Friday) I found out that Thursday morning he left work to go buy a dirt bike... Of course this starts a fight... So I left at 6pm Friday and wasn't home until 4am Saturday morning... I was so unbelievably upset and he thinks I'm over reacting on top of that...

 

[Flossie_Aus]

Ughhh yes! My bestie and I are sounding boards for each-other when our husbands do these things, which is pretty frequently. All we have to say is "Ugh husbands!" and the other knows exactly what we are talking about

 

[Sakura15]

Thanks ladies! Glad it's not only happening to me...

jtr283: I have a serious issue with OH never being on time too! I have taken to always telling him we have to be there an hour earlier than we really do! You are right though that the intention does make a difference. I don't think OH is intentionally being a pain...and I bet things will change for all of us once a baby arrives!

Angel_blues: That would drive me crazy! Have you two had a chance to talk it out yet?

Flossie_Aus: Good to have that I think half the problem is feeling like it's only your OH or you're the only one who has these challenges. My bestie unfortunately is on the other side of the world, and my 'local' bestie is single so I often don't get that benefit. But when I do get a chance to talk about things - as much as I try to stay away from "man-bashing" - it helps to know I'm not alone!

 

[ask86]

It comes up after you've had kids lol... When My daughter was first born I swore I would never have another child with my husband - I would wake up to bf at night and he would ask me to turn off the light, I would complain how exhausted I was and he would say he was more tired then me... basically acting like and insolent teenager!!! But as time went on and we talked and I told him that he made me feel like crap and I wanted to leave because this was not the life I wanted for myself or our daughter he got his act together... Now he is supportive, kind and goes out of his way to help me - he even talks about all the things he regrets and what he will do differently with the next baby.
But I do think sometimes if I am insane for planning to go down that road again with HIM... I guess only time will tell

 

[cupcake.]

Oh yeah, i know what you mean!
My boyfriend is actually really great and most of the time i can't wait to start a family with him and i just know he'll be the best father.
But whenever he goes out and drinking, there seems to be no middle ground he just gets reeeaaally drunk.. it's not all that often but when it does happen i can't help but worry that he'll be drunk a lot when the baby comes or something..
Even though i know he doesn't even go out very often and he is really responsible.
it's a big decision having a baby with someone, i think it's natural to ask yourself wether your OH is the right person to go on that adventure with. But at the end of the day i know he'll make the best dad ever

Also i'm pretty sure my mom probably thinks sometimes "omg and i had three kids with this man" about my dad, and he is the most responsible and loving husband and father ever.

 

[Angel_blues]

Unfortunately no sakura, I've hit an emotional road block. I've been completely distant with him. I'm not sure what our future holds.

 

[Flossie_Aus]

My bestie unfortunately is on the other side of the world, and my 'local' bestie is single so I often don't get that benefit. But when I do get a chance to talk about things - as much as I try to stay away from "man-bashing" - it helps to know I'm not alone!

Oh honey... Man bashing is an important part of marriage/relationships. It's a stress relief and stops you cutting him in his sleep No matter how sweet, kind, and/or handsome a man is, there is a woman somewhere who is sick of his crap! It's completely normal

 

[Angel_blues]

LMFAO! that's so true!

 

[Sakura15]

ask86: Oh no! More tired than you, who just carried a human for 9 months, brought her into the world, then taking care of her round the clock? Right!! Glad that you worked that through! I am fully aware of and expecting some challenges in our relationship as we adjust...

cupcake: so right that it's a big decision! If only I fully realised how big the decision to date him in the first place was. I mean, I was definitely thinking long term as soon as I met him - it was really clear from the start that he was my potential life partner. But now that baby time is looming it seems equally exciting and scary...

Angel_blues: awww I really hope things sort themselves out for the better.

Flossie_Aus: hahahahahahahaha.... So I'm also NOT the only one who has contemplated hurting my SO badly either!!

Strangely enough, at the moment, I feel like I could not love him more, like the next 50 years together will not be enough, like parenting together will be THE pinnacle experience of my life....I actually cried thinking about it this morning and texted him that. I think it might be hormones . Or love. It could all just be love.

 

[skycastles]

And of course I'm not perfect either...but when something comes up I have this nervous feeling like my chances of choosing a different life are running out and I don't want to make a mistake about something this big. Then by the day after one of these little episodes I'm laughing at myself.

This is EXACTLY how i feel! Don't get me wrong.. i love him more than anything and all that.. but as i grow older, my life path seems less and less mutable. And a baby would only set it in stone! With this guy I want to strangle!!
Then i find myself relaxing on the couch with him after a long day and suddenly he's close to perfect again

 

[Flossie_Aus]

I love this thread!