Am I too young?

[ampersandme]

I'm 20 years old and my OH and I are seriously considering starting TTC early next year. I currently work two part time jobs and study child care, whilst he works full time. We are both making reasonable money, enough to get by and to save on the side, I am trying to save as much as I can at the moment. We have been together for 1 year and 3 months (approx) and have lived together for over 9 months, 7 months in our own apartment. I love him to death, he is amazing and has only changed my life for the better. I could not be luckier.
Recently my OH purchased a house, it hasnt been built yet but it begins construction next year, we are yet to decide whether we will rent it out or live there. Either way its VERY exciting for him/us.

The thing is I don't really see a reason for us NOT to have a baby now. We are financially stable, we are in a loving commited happy relationship (not to say we dont have our fair share of problems... but who doesnt). We are both mature and responsible, hard workers and love children. I work with Children and have much younger siblings, so I know the responsibilities involved (NOT CLAIMING TO KNOW WHAT BEING A MOTHER IS LIKE THOUGH...hahahaha) We arent overly interested in "partying" or "getting smashed". We generally prefer a night in with a movie, a glass of wine, cuddles on the couch and some take-away!

I am just so damn broody, all I want in my life is a loving happy family. Someone to love and to care for..
I do still go out clubbing and drinking occasionally, but honestly... it's never my priority, its just something to do every now and then and a chance to see friends and let off some steam. But its not something I would miss.

In my life my OH and the thought of having a child are the only two things that have ever really stuck with me.. I'm always changing career ideas etc. But this ... has just stuck. I know its something I want more than ANYTHING.
I have never wanted to travel, or have a glitzy career.... Really, the only reason I am studying child care, apart from it being a career I know I could continue to work in happily into the future, is so I know more about children and how to look after them.
All I've ever wanted in my life is too be happy. I've suffered with depression/anxiety in the past and was even once hospitalized as a teenager. But since I have met my OH, haven't had a problem with it. I know all I want is to be happy, have people love me and love the people around me and have a stable, comfortable, happy life. I want to be able to give a child the chance to come into this world with people who love them regardless and provide them with the best chances and oppurtunities I can.
I'm worried I'm stupid and just convincing myself I can handle a child, but then I'm also so sure of myself. I think the only reason I'm "scared" is because I am soo afraid of what my family will think. I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy, not have been worrying about me, stressing and giving me a hard time. I want people to be excited about me and my OH having a child and be supportive and happy during my pregnancy. Because I know we are more than capable...I'm just scared my family wont believe in me.. (they never really have, I've always been the "problem" child...)

I also do worry about Money, my OH doesnt want me to work if we have a baby, which makes me worry about not having enough money. Although I know there are pensions out there I can go on etc. Although I do not want to rely on my family for money.

I know this thread is hardly an insite into our situation and its hard to judge someone from what they write down on a website, especially since I can choose to edit out the parts of my life/personality etc that I want to hide. But from what you've read.. do I sound too young? Do I sound stupid? Am I kidding myself? Am I being selfish? I know I have no idea what will be ahead of me.... I know it will be the hardest thing ever... I just feel like I have so much love to give.. I feel like this what I was meant to do with my life.

So heres my questions to you;

Is 20/21 too young to have a child (in your opinion)?

And for mothers around my age...
Do you wished you had waited longer?

 

[mrsadair]

absolutely not... as long as you're prepared and you both want it, why not?

 

[ampersandme]

Also, thankyou to anyone who actually bothers to read all that... gee I can ramble.

 

[nightkd]

I think it's really down to your feelings, I'm 19 and we started TTC and got pregnant first cycle, I was expecting to have a couple of months to adjust to the fact that we were trying for a baby before we got pregnant (iykwim) it wasn't a shock, but it was still a surprise!!

I've been married to my hubby for 3 months, we met in 2006 on the internet, I was in the UK, he in the US... I came over to meet him for the first time in person in April 2009. So as you can see we move fast...it just feels right for us. We have our own apartment, enough money and the same desires in life - we're family orientated.

I have to admit, when I got the positive at 3am on Friday morning...I freaked a bit... I suddenly thought "OMG! Am I ready to be a mum?! This is IT. Ahhhhh!!!" (basically) but now I am SO cool... It just feels great. But I think a very important part to feeling ready is being completely comfortable with your partner, you don't want to have fears about being left alone or drifting apart...etc....and you don't want to feel financially strained!!

xx

 

[ampersandme]

I think it's really down to your feelings, I'm 19 and we started TTC and got pregnant first cycle, I was expecting to have a couple of months to adjust to the fact that we were trying for a baby before we got pregnant (iykwim) it wasn't a shock, but it was still a surprise!!

I've been married to my hubby for 3 months, we met in 2006 on the internet, I was in the UK, he in the US... I came over to meet him for the first time in person in April 2009. So as you can see we move fast...it just feels right for us. We have our own apartment, enough money and the same desires in life - we're family orientated.

I have to admit, when I got the positive at 3am on Friday morning...I freaked a bit... I suddenly thought "OMG! Am I ready to be a mum?! This is IT. Ahhhhh!!!" (basically) but now I am SO cool... It just feels great. But I think a very important part to feeling ready is being completely comfortable with your partner, you don't want to have fears about being left alone or drifting apart...etc....and you don't want to feel financially strained!!

xx

Congrats to you and your OH on the BFP!!

I have no doubts about me and my OH what so ever, there is no way I would be left alone etc. He's my best friend and is absoloutley wonderful and completely family oriented. I'm so lucky

I guess my concerns are what other people will think/stress on my family as well as possible financial strain... Although I'm known to be a bit of a worry-wart about money, generally when there is nothing to worry about.

I know I would also have a job offer I could work even with a baby, if I could round up a babysitter 2 days of the week..hehe (I'm so sure that is much easier said than done! Although OH's mother doesnt work.......)

 

[xLisax]

I was basically 20 when I had Max (a bit younger, had him in September, turned 20 in December) and it is hard work having a baby, but, I think this is true for whatever age you choose to have one. Its something completley new that youve never experienced.

I would never change the timing to which I had Max, I can honestly say he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yes, I was scared stupid when I was pregnant at how it would work, how we would support our family with only OH working, but as soon as he arrived it all just went I sound very soppy but its the only way I can think of to explain what I mean...

I think as long as you and OH are both in the same place and ready...go for it, age shouldnt matter

Hope this helps a little bit

 

[katycam]

Im 21 and i dont think its too young to have a baby, it is hard work whatever age.
You sound as though you are in the perfect situation so i say go for it

 

[ampersandme]

Im 21 and i dont think its too young to have a baby, it is hard work whatever age.
You sound as though you are in the perfect situation so i say go for it

I wouldn't say its perfect.. financially things could be better. My OH has alot of debt, (mainly due to just purchasing a house!) But on top of that fines etc from his past. But honestly, it is nothing we can't work through!

Although financially I, personally, am in a VERY good position (as is my family, so it shouldnt be that much of a worry as there will always be someone there to help out, even though I'd MUCH rather do things on my own, ya know?). I have savings, investments and its tradition to my family to recieve a generous amount of money for our 21st Birthdays (although I shouldn't expect it and would never rely on it.)

Although, what I would say is alot more perfect (and important than money could ever be) is my relationship with my OH and how much we both want a child. How dedicated we are to one another and how serious we are about this... I know he will work his little bum off to save as much money as he can as soon as he sees that BFP.

 

[morri]

I Wouldnt see it as too young at all

 

[ampersandme]

Maybe I'm not too young.... I'm just too scared! Hahhaa

 

[ramblinhaggis]

Hey hun, i would have killed to be in your steady secure situation at 20! Instead i met my now husband at 18, found out I was pregnant a whole 7 weeks later (dentist had given me antibiotics for a tooth i needed a root canal treatment on and I wasnt aware it can knock out the pill!), married when we had been together 5 months and then Summer arrived. We didnt and still dont own our own home, I had barely started my career to be a mental health nurse, he had a good job but never one that would make us rich...and we barely knew anything about each other....but here we are, married 5 years next month, with a beautiful family and we scrape by.

If we can do it, you and your OH most certainly can! There is nothing wrong in wanting a family instead of a career, in fact, it really helps, as at 19 i was actually quite resentful that I couldnt have a career, go travelling etc. Termination was never an option however. If you dont feel like in time you might resent the lack of freedom a baby can create, then I cant see any reason why you shouldnt go ahead maybe once the house is all built as it can be a stressful time! The only other thing is being together a year and 3 months isnt all that long really, even at 6 years together I still feel I am learning about hubs...but I cant talk really can I LOL not with how our family came about!

Whatever you choose to do, dont doubt yourself, you sound like you have your head screwed on just fine

 

[jen1604]

In my opinion its not too young as long as you are 100% sure its what you want and youve done everything you wanted to do before you start trying.
I've obviously got my little munchkin and one on the way and for me that was absolutely the right decision.But I know girls who are my age who feel trapped by it and like its stopping them from doing the things they want to.Just be aware that its hard work and think it through PROPERLY before you make your decision.
If you have any doubts at all just wait for a little bit longer,is my advice xxx

 

[mamalove]

In my opinion its not too young as long as you are 100% sure its what you want and youve done everything you wanted to do before you start trying.
I've obviously got my little munchkin and one on the way and for me that was absolutely the right decision.But I know girls who are my age who feel trapped by it and like its stopping them from doing the things they want to.Just be aware that its hard work and think it through PROPERLY before you make your decision.
If you have any doubts at all just wait for a little bit longer,is my advice xxx

I agree with this 100%

If you have any doubts about anything then maybe this is not the right time.
I had my daughter when i was bit older then you but i was still young (still am ) but the question about wether or not i should have her now or wait a few years never crossed my mind.
I never thought about other people,why should i? If i was old enough to have a mortgage and a job why should i be classed as a young irresponsible mother?

Think about everything,and see how you feel in a little while ..

 

[ampersandme]

In my opinion its not too young as long as you are 100% sure its what you want and youve done everything you wanted to do before you start trying.
I've obviously got my little munchkin and one on the way and for me that was absolutely the right decision.But I know girls who are my age who feel trapped by it and like its stopping them from doing the things they want to.Just be aware that its hard work and think it through PROPERLY before you make your decision.
If you have any doubts at all just wait for a little bit longer,is my advice xxx

I agree with this 100%

If you have any doubts about anything then maybe this is not the right time.
I had my daughter when i was bit older then you but i was still young (still am ) but the question about wether or not i should have her now or wait a few years never crossed my mind.
I never thought about other people,why should i? If i was old enough to have a mortgage and a job why should i be classed as a young irresponsible mother?

Think about everything,and see how you feel in a little while ..

I agree too. I definetly won't be acting on my desires untill at least Feb next year
Lots of thinking/planning to do... Have to make sure its the right time for me and OH.

Just need to gain some confidence and self belief too. I'm so scared of letting other people down, but why should that stop me? I have to stop doubting my abilities!

 

[lovehearts]

Defo not too young. If its what you both want and you are stable etc then why not?! Im going to ttc next year and im 22. I would have started sooner but OH wanted to wait! xxx

 

[lozzy21]

I cant realy tell you what to do but ill tell you my experiance.

I met OH when i was 18 we moved in together when i was 19. We have lived together for 2 years now. I love him more than anything and plan on spending the rest of my life with him. However we have not rushed into things, we have gone on holidays, gone on nights out, gone to festivals and as broody as i am im glad my OH has made me wait. Had i just jumped into TTC i would have not got to experiance these things. I have friends who have been with there OH's less time than iv been with OH and rushed into moving in with each other and having babys and when i say im going out or im going to ibiza for a week then complain about how they cant go and that im lucky. I dont think im lucky i think im sensible. My mam had me at 20 and she has allways said she wouldent have changed me for the world but she would have waited a few years.

Your OH cant make you stay at home with the baby if you dont want to. Id recomend finishing your corse first and get some experiance first though so that if you do decided to go back to work you have some thing to fall back on.

 

[asacia]

I wouldn't say you are too young, but I would have concerns about your histroy of depression and the lrngth of your relationship.

I got pregnant at 21 and had my LO when I was 22. I have a history of depression, and it came back after the birth. It is so hard to cope with a baby and depression. If you got severe PND could your OH cope? Financially, if he has to take time off work, and emotionally? If he hasn't seen you depressed, it is hard to know how he'd react. Coping with a depressed partner is hard, my OH finds it difficult and we've been together for 8 years.

 

[aliss]

I'm just a bit older than you at almost 26 and my OH is 32, I'd recommend waiting. You have only been together for less than 2 years, there's nothing wrong with enjoying life as a couple without a child for the first little while! Having a baby is very, very expensive (even with stable employment) so if you aren't already pregnant, I'd strongly recommend dealing with debt issues, not to mention just going out and having fun at 20. I know you might feel 20 is "old" now but when you look back, you'll see you have plenty of time to still be a mom!

 

[plutosblue]

20/21 is not too young at all! I am 21 and will be 22 when I try to TTC no1 I have always wanted to be a mummy and like you have no interest in glitzy careers! At the end of the day you sound happy, you sound very responsible from what you have written and you sound ready. You have weighed up all the pros and cons you want whats best for your baby. Noone is ever finacially ready but you just live to your means!

I am scared stiff still about what having a child would mean, but if I wait to be totally ready I will be old and grey! Sometimes in life you just have to go with your gut and take risks, as my mother always says it is never as bad as you think.

 

[cdejdemommy]

Hi! I'm 24 and I had my oldest son when I was 20, one month shy of turning 21. Yes, I was young but NO I wouldn't go back and change it. I learned so much that year, I grew up and I think it was a very good age to have my first child.
I am a stay at home mom so we rely on my husband's income. It's hard at times but we get through. I had my second son a month after I turned 22 so they're 14 months apart. There are definitely days where I wish I had a job but never days where I regret having either one of them.

Only you know what you can handle - follow your heart!