Am I too young?

[claire_love]

Hey Hun *waves*

Mind if i share my thoughts??

I'm 19 (20 in Jan) We plan on TTC just after christmas (im 20, 9 days after christmas)

We both have full time jobs, just recently brought a 4 bed house together and engaged to be married.

We will both we 20 (hopefully) when our baby comes and we wouldnt change that. We have waited a while as im having test for PCOS and anything else that gives them an excuse to poke around up there!!

Im so glad we have waited only a little, little while as we have had time to plan, i have had time to see what my work offers as maternity (Its better than i expected!!).

Sometimes i get nervous about the whole thing, but thats life! We deal with these things and as soon as our dream happens - it goes. Im like an inpatient kid waiting for christmas!!! I have spoken to my doctor about the whole TTC situation - she fantastic about the whole thing - were not classed as teens(were grown ups!!) - we have a good head on our shoulders - we know whats right or wrong and most of all, we know what we want and thats all that matters.

Sorry its long!! ( i have a habit of chatting alot!!)

C
x

 

[cleckner04]

I don't have much else to add as everyone has already said it all but I am 23 and had my daughter at 22. I don't think that age really has anything to do with it. Maturity is the more important thing and you seem to be very settled in your life. You sound to me like you are more than ready to have a LO to care for. I wish you the best of luck as well!

 

[Doublemints]

If you think you're ready then you ARE!! Its totally up to you and how you feel about the whole thing.

 

[ampersandme]

Thankyou for everyones replies so far

Good to hear different opinions and will take everything everyone has said into my considerations!!!

 

[Amygdala]

Hi!
I think you sound very mature and like you've thought this through a lot. But you also sound like you have some doubts and to be honest, if I was in your situation I'd want to get some things sorted first. I'd want to finish my course (as that would be so much harder with a child around), wait for the house to materialise (because that'll be stressful anyway, even without being pregnant or having a small baby), maybe wait for that possible windfall at 21 so you've got a better idea of what your finances are like and then finally I'd want to get married. Obviously the latter is a personal choice. But if you're committed to each other and are planning a child then getting married makes a lot of sense in my eyes as it protects both of you and your little one, e.g. financially if anything should happen to either of you.
You're still so young so another year or two won't make a difference. So if you think that it'd be good to get these things (or others) sorted, then I'd wait for that first. You should also be aware that having a child can put you under extreme amounts of stress. With your history of depression/anxiety I think it would be wise to make it as easy for you as possible. I'm by no means saying that these issues will definitely come back but you should be aware that large amounts of stress can trigger them. So if you can get house stress out of the way first, or make your financial situation even more stable (so YOU don't have to worry about it) then I think I'd definitely do that first.
Good luck with whatever you decide though!

 

[Unicus]

I wouldn't say your too young as long as you have thought it through. I had Caitlin when I was 20 and while it was very hard work it was sooooo worth it. I'm now 28 and expecting my second and I'm just as excited/nervous as I was the first time round! good luck x

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I'd recommend waiting. I've never wanted to go travelling or have a glitzy career, and I have always just wanted to be 'content' but that didn't mean I was ready to settle down and start a family at 20. What's the hurry? You've only been together just over a year.

I got pregnant at 26, unplanned, after being with OH barely 6 months. While I don't regret this obviously, we had precious little 'together' time, never been on holiday together, etc. I'm very lucky that things are working well for us as a family as to be honest, the odds of this were stacked against against us. I think parenthood is a huge challenge to a long term relationship let alone one a year long one.

BUT - there are lots of young mums on here that seem to be doing a fantastic job as mums and are very happy. I don't agree with waiting until you're 'financially secure' to have a baby because let's face it most people would be waiting forever for that. Plus I think there are lots of good things about being a young mum, more energy, better able to deal with little sleep, to name but a few.

So although I would certainly not have wanted to have a baby at 20/21, everyone's different I guess...

 

[bunnyg82]

I really don't think age comes into it, it's more about maturity. I was married at 19 and lots of people thought that was too young, but we have been married over 7.5 years now and together a year more, so I kinda feel we showed them!! I actually wish we started ttc a bit earlier but it didn't seem right for us at the time, due to various circumstances - none of which were age related.

So, I would say if it feels right for you, then go for it and don't worry about what other people say x

 

[im_mi]

i was 19 when DH and i started trying. You do whatever feels right to you. Reading your post takes me back to when we started trying The perfect time for baby making is different for everyone and there is always some reason to find to not do it (money, work, whatever). Listen to your heart, and it will steer you well

 

[jackiea85]

I got pregnant at 22 and had my son just after I turned 23 and I think that was the right age for me. But I had been with my husband since I was 17 and had lived with him since I was 18, we had lots of time together and got married the month before my 22nd birthday. I don't think you are too young but I would say that it might be best to have some more time together before having a baby, just because once the baby has arrived you won't get as much time together as you did before, and it can cause a bit of a strain on the relationship. Now my son is 1 I get more time with my husband, but when he was younger we really didnt get as much time together as before xx

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I just want to say first, you do sound very responsible and mature Secondly, I had my daughter (who was planned) when I was 20. I had been in a very good relationship with my OH for 6 years, give or take a few months. We had been living together a year-he was my everything, and I was so sure of my relationship with him, I would have tattooed his name on my face. (Okay, I'd never do that, but if you get my drift, that is how sure I was that we would be together forever!) Anyway, we planned our daughter, we decided that we were ready to settle as a family-I was never a partier, and he never was either. We decided when I had our daughter, I'd be a SAHM and he would provide for us. The whole pregnancy went great, we were both very excited. Alexa was born, and OH got Post Partum Depression This changed a lot for us. I knew I could not deal with his depression and a newborn, without getting depressed myself, so I ignored him, and dealt with my child. It sounds awful, but as I said, I didn't want to bring myself down. Things kept getting worse in our relationship. He never wanted to do things as a family, I was basically raising her on my own, just off his money. He didn't change diapers, and he didn't have the patience to feed her! I started falling out of love with him. He said some things he shouldn't have said, and it took a long time for me to forgive him. I knew it was the depression, but still, it seemed to me that he was being a slacker dad. In July of this year, I told him things were not working out, and he decided to move out. Everything went smoothly, he knew we had problems and we decided we would stay civil, not only for Alexa's sake, but because we'd been together for 8 years. Anyway, after he moved out, we decided to try working things ou, while living separate. Three months later, and we are still living separately. He agreed he'd change his ways, spend more time with Alexa, and so far things are going great. One day he will move back in, but for now, we just want to make sure our relationship is stable.


Anyway, I digress a bit, just wanted to tell a bit of my story. Do I think 20-21 is too young? Yes and No... I would not change Alexa for the world, I might have moved time forward a few years though. For me, it wasn't the partying, drinking etc, it's the getting to know yourself part. Also this is an age in life where you change a lot, and if you and your OH don't change at the same time, things can go badly. I'm not being negative, I'm just trying to show my realistic view on things. I decided back then, that I didn't want a career. i didn't think 'what happens if I end up a single mother?' I think everyone should have a back up plan. I now work full-time, at a job I love and plan to finish college and become a book keeper, so that I can support my daughter. My OH has a good job, and is soon getting a job where he will be making triple what he makes now, but even then, I would work at least part time, to have my own 'back-up plan'. Anyway, sorry, i ramble! LOL I think it is important to think not only about the partying and what not, but how it takes lots of extra time to go out with your kid, how it means you won't be able to go out with your friends much to hang out, or watch your tv show as peacefully as before and of course, understand that a child does a lot to even the best relationships...

All that being said, I must add that I likely wouldn't be at the job I am at, or be looking to furthur my career/education, had I not had Alexa. She has definitely opened my eyes, and helped me find myself.

Having a child is the most amazing thing in the world, so I say go for it in February, if you are as sure as you can be about it. You will only be the one to have your own experiences afterwards, and at any age there will be things that may or may not happen in your relationship, or personal life.

 

[toffee87]

You do sound to be very mature, you're aware that it will be costly and intend on funding it yourself, which says that you're really thinking about it. It always strikes me as immature when people have a child knowing some one else i.e their own parents, funds the child.Of course accidents do happen, I've not forgotten that.

Anyway, on to your question, if you feel that you're ready and that you won't be missing out on things-particularly in your r.ship, then go for it!

I don't think you need to reach a peak in your career, but ideally be on the right track, you sound to be sorted and on the career ladder.

 

[Summerbee]

Hun - I related to sooo much of your post!! Being 19/20 personally, and having suffered with depression even up until now I can really sympathise.

And guess what - I'm the bad girl of the family too!!

I don't think your too young. There are girls out there having children at 13 and turning out to be great mothers. I think it is all a question of whether or not you personally decide that you can handle it as a couple. Nobody can tell you when you are/aren't ready. I'm a model which means when we do have children, my career is going to take a long while to get back to where it is now. As such, I am cramming in about a million shoots over the next 5months before we TTC, but then again I would give it all up tommorow to have a family.

I worry about what my family would say. I think everyone would be really 'let down' or 'disappointed', which to be perfectly honest the idea brings me to tears. Everybody wants to be loved and accepted while they are pregnant, and everybody wants their families to love their expected LO, so it's a tough one to call.

Can't give you too many answers I'm afraid, can only say that I am in the same boat lol!!

 

[kiles04]

i dont think your too young im 21 in may and i have a baby already and pregnant with my 2nd x

 

[ampersandme]

Hun - I related to sooo much of your post!! Being 19/20 personally, and having suffered with depression even up until now I can really sympathise.

And guess what - I'm the bad girl of the family too!!

I don't think your too young. There are girls out there having children at 13 and turning out to be great mothers. I think it is all a question of whether or not you personally decide that you can handle it as a couple. Nobody can tell you when you are/aren't ready. I'm a model which means when we do have children, my career is going to take a long while to get back to where it is now. As such, I am cramming in about a million shoots over the next 5months before we TTC, but then again I would give it all up tommorow to have a family.

I worry about what my family would say. I think everyone would be really 'let down' or 'disappointed', which to be perfectly honest the idea brings me to tears. Everybody wants to be loved and accepted while they are pregnant, and everybody wants their families to love their expected LO, so it's a tough one to call.

Can't give you too many answers I'm afraid, can only say that I am in the same boat lol!!

Nice to know there's someone else in my boat!!! PM me if you ever feeling like chats