Am I wrong for thinking this is rude?

[Darlin65]

I make desserts for money. I have a friend who is wanting me to tell her how to make a cake for her son's party and help her with the trial run and everything for free. She is basically asking for all my secrets. I think it's rude of her because I feel like she is wanting my services for free. I told her I didn't want to help her with the test run when she asked because I normally don't make cakes. I usually do cupcakes, cake pops and smaller cutesy desserts. She is all offended. I would charge a whole lot more for a cake than a batch of cupcakes. I don't want to sit and make this cake for free. I guess it bothers me because she isn't the 1st to do this. I had one girl want to buy the stuff with her govt food card so she didn't have to pay me for my work. Just because you know somebody who has a certain skill you shouldn't milk them for free services If it were my sister probably I would but I'm not even that close of a friend with this girl.

 

[girlnboots]

That IS rude. Kind of like saying they appreciate your work, but not enough to pay you for it.

 

[july2013]

That is pretty rude!

 

[lindseymw]

Very rude!

I have a friend/work colleague who makes cakes & cupcakes. She does my sons' birthday cakes and I expect to pay for them. I know how much time & effort she puts into it, I wouldn't expect her to work for free.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Yup rude!

 

[Dragonfly]

Thats a chancer and I see planty of them. Because I take pics I get people always asking me for free photo shoots. No intention to pay just think I have all the time in the word to sit and edit your pics and take your pics while my family need me. More than one ask me to turn up and take pics for them, and when I do no money. So last ones I kept and never said a word to that person. They will be told no more freebies. I have mouths to feed. Even a business stole my pics and used them for their banner on facebook telling me it was flattering for me and that I would get business, which is bull as you know you make a cake and people eat it. end of. Any sort of friend would pay for your services you dont expect any one else in business to provide you for free?

My friend wrote this on his facebook after so many asked for freebies, maybe you can adapt it to your own.

Dear friends,



I am a photographer and since people are always looking for free shoots I assume that they must also do their job, or provide their services, for free.



I am looking to hire all types of people to do all sorts of jobs for me, as long as I do not have to pay anything. Just think, you will gain more experience, and I will put the word out for you and let everyone know what wonderful work you do. This opportunity will bring you a ton of unpaid work, but everyone will love you. So if you have a job or service you provide, and will do it for free, please let me know, because I am sure I have work for you and will hire you in a second.



Feel free to email me with the service you can provide, when you can start, and please include references.



I look forward to your free service.



Thanks.

 

[fantastica]

I don't know tbh, it depends how good of a friend she is. She's not asking you to actually make it, so I presume she'll be buying all the ingredients etc. If she was just asking you to make it, then yes she should pay, but it sounds like she just wants your help? If I was good at baking etc. then I would just help a friend without charging, but like I said...if she's just an acquaintance or a distant friend then it's a little different.

 

[Creative]

I have this situation over and over again. I am a creative designer working in jewellery, tiara, painting, keepsake teddies and quilts etc etc. I recently had someone say to me "oh could you use some of your scraps to knock me up 20 meters of bunting". When I explained that actually the scraps would have to be of x size and that the cost of 20 m bunting would therefore cost £xx, the number of hours work would be x, she blushed and backed out. I've often had other requests for "mates rates" which I do mind because I would normally offer a reduced rate for mates, but it is different to be asked for it.

 

[Baby Bell]

I think it's rude. For birthday cakes etc I ask my friends who bake to do them but would NEVER assume it was free! I ask them cause I know their cakes are amazing but also to give my friend the job. Once they said I only had to pay for ingredients, but I was mortified seeing the time and effort that goes into them, I gave etc money and a bottle of wine. I can't understand people who want something for nothing especially if she wanting your time and energy, and skills. If you had offered for free that's one thing but just expecting it, that's another!

 

[zanDark]

I don't know tbh, it depends how good of a friend she is. She's not asking you to actually make it, so I presume she'll be buying all the ingredients etc. If she was just asking you to make it, then yes she should pay, but it sounds like she just wants your help? If I was good at baking etc. then I would just help a friend without charging, but like I said...if she's just an acquaintance or a distant friend then it's a little different.

WSS

 

[Ceejay123]

Ive had something similar recently... I'm due to become fully certified in something next week. My friends all know about it - it's cost me £700 to get setup, I'm just waiting for my insurance to kick in.

I've offered facebook friends half price services, jus to cover equipment so that I can get a gallery set up. Well, of course... Quite a few Facebook friends have messaged me saying 'when's my complimentary service then?" Most, I've laughed it off. I've got 14 people paying me half price, and six that have guilted me into doing it for free - which costs me, because of equipment. Sigh! I'll add, none of which Im close too.. I'm already doing it free to family and close friends.

X

 

[Blah11]

I made my friends weddding cake for cost price. I had to take 2 days off work and it was a lot of hours but I guess it just depends on how close a friend she is. I'd do it for my friends but thats just me. You're well within your rights to say no obviously but i dont think she was intentionally being rude.

 

[foquita]

this happens to my DH a lot, people asking him to do paintings and when he tells them how much it'll be they look shocked that they have to pay for it and back out

people think if you're creative then you'll just do things for free for them, they don't realise that materials etc cost a fortune!

 

[foquita]

p.s. I agree that it depends how close a friend she is!

 

[staceymxxx]

Very rude if you aren't close to her at all!

 

[Darlin65]

We went to high school together and talk on occasion but don't really hang out. She always wants to but we're just not that close and it's always awkward when we do. She's one of those who doesn't leave mommy mode. I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about poop for 3hrs We just don't have much in common other being sahm.

I guess my problem is that ok if you asked me my thoughts and what you needed to buy to do it yourself no big deal. I guess it was the fact that she wanted me to take my time to come over and help her make it. As others have said these things take a ton of time. I made a very plain 6in smash cake for my sons birthday party and it took hours to make. I honestly don't usually do cakes because of how long they take to make and the cost of the materials. Once I add on my labor fees people don't want to pay a reasonable price.

I had a lady email me about wedding cake pops and she was so excited and everything was going great! She wanted edible flowers on them which drives up the price. When I quoted her I never heard back again. It's just very frustrating because it's like someone already said "I love your stuff but I don't want to pay for it".

Dragonfly I do photography as well and it is frustrating how people just expect you to whip out the camera at events and hand over your pictures! My family expects me to sit behind the lens rather than enjoy Christmas etc. I get so mad sometimes. Yes, I will get "some" pictures but it's not my only priority.

I also want to add that I just stated up this summer and everyone knows it. I run specials on fb and all sorts of things. Everyone kept telling me how good I was and should try to make something of it. It adds to the frustration of people wanting free things.

 

[Wriggley]

I wouldn't charge a friend but that's just me

my oh is a photographer and he did my friends wedding photos and edited them etc all for free I could never take money off her

he also did his sisters wedding photos for free

The only time of have actually minded doing something for free when a friend asked us to build him a website and we told him we would do it but he would have to pay for the hosting and domain name which he said was fine

so the website got built and we sent it to him to see if he liked it and we then had to contact him to see if he liked it and then when it came to paying for hosting etc he didn't wanna pay out and ignored our messages etc so a lot of time was wasted on building a website that the person didn't even want

so it can be very frustrating but I just wouldn't wanna take money off friends and family

 

[emyandpotato]

I don't think it's rude. She's a friend. Asked advice from a friend about something she needs help with. She didn't ask you to make her a cake for free. If you don't want to help that's okay, but it wasn't rude of her to ask.

I write for a magazine (for free, actually) and some small blogs. People ask me all the time for help with essays, job applications, proof-reading... It's fine! Not rude at all. People ask for favours and will more often than not be delighted to return the favour in whatever way they can. You often see people wondering where our sense of community has gone, but with everyone helping everyone out in little ways where they can, it'd be a little more apparent. I'm not saying put yourself out and put favours above your job/kids/wellbeing, and I'm certainly not saying anyone should end up out of pocket for the sake of being kind, but a little kindness doesn't hurt, and nor does asking for help from someone in the know.

 

[emyandpotato]

We went to high school together and talk on occasion but don't really hang out. She always wants to but we're just not that close and it's always awkward when we do. She's one of those who doesn't leave mommy mode. I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about poop for 3hrs We just don't have much in common other being sahm.

I guess my problem is that ok if you asked me my thoughts and what you needed to buy to do it yourself no big deal. I guess it was the fact that she wanted me to take my time to come over and help her make it. As others have said these things take a ton of time. I made a very plain 6in smash cake for my sons birthday party and it took hours to make. I honestly don't usually do cakes because of how long they take to make and the cost of the materials. Once I add on my labor fees people don't want to pay a reasonable price.

I had a lady email me about wedding cake pops and she was so excited and everything was going great! She wanted edible flowers on them which drives up the price. When I quoted her I never heard back again. It's just very frustrating because it's like someone already said "I love your stuff but I don't want to pay for it".

Dragonfly I do photography as well and it is frustrating how people just expect you to whip out the camera at events and hand over your pictures! My family expects me to sit behind the lens rather than enjoy Christmas etc. I get so mad sometimes. Yes, I will get "some" pictures but it's not my only priority.

I also want to add that I just stated up this summer and everyone knows it. I run specials on fb and all sorts of things. Everyone kept telling me how good I was and should try to make something of it. It adds to the frustration of people wanting free things.

She sounds lonely. It's actually like she wants to be close with you, and keeps you in high regard, bit it's a little one way. Not a dig at you- I get that friendships are like that sometimes! I do think, though, that it sounds as if she wanted help that could have just been her asking your thoughts and advice, but that she's also pretty lonely and thought it'd be fun to hang out and make it?!

As for the cake pop woman... I have stopped emailing people plenty of times after receiving quotes. When someone is quoting you well above what you can afford and it's unexpected it's upsetting and embarrassing, hence the lack of replies. Yeah it's a little annoying to not get a reply, but it's not at all a case of not wanting to pay, it's usually can't pay, or they don't feel they're worth the money.

 

[Darlin65]

I don't think it's rude. She's a friend. Asked advice from a friend about something she needs help with. She didn't ask you to make her a cake for free. If you don't want to help that's okay, but it wasn't rude of her to ask.

I write for a magazine (for free, actually) and some small blogs. People ask me all the time for help with essays, job applications, proof-reading... It's fine! Not rude at all. People ask for favours and will more often than not be delighted to return the favour in whatever way they can. You often see people wondering where our sense of community has gone, but with everyone helping everyone out in little ways where they can, it'd be a little more apparent. I'm not saying put yourself out and put favours above your job/kids/wellbeing, and I'm certainly not saying anyone should end up out of pocket for the sake of being kind, but a little kindness doesn't hurt, and nor does asking for help from someone in the know.

Totally disagree on how not offering free services kills sense of community. You provide those kindnesses through things like being willing to help them out and babysit or taking their kids to school in carpool or bringing them a casserole when they're sick and you know their family needs to eat. There are plenty of other ways to show kindness than take your time offering your business services for free.

Something I am realizing here as I read all the comments is the people saying "well if she is a "close/good" friend" But where do you draw the line? If word gets out you will surely have people wanting you to do them favors and make free items or give discounts as well.

And just to clarify she does want me to make it. She just wants me to do it at her house and basically she will help. I wouldn't mind giving her a list of materials she needs or something like that but my issue is she wants me to take hours to go to her house to make this thing.