Am I wrong for thinking this is rude?

[emyandpotato]

I don't think it's rude. She's a friend. Asked advice from a friend about something she needs help with. She didn't ask you to make her a cake for free. If you don't want to help that's okay, but it wasn't rude of her to ask.

I write for a magazine (for free, actually) and some small blogs. People ask me all the time for help with essays, job applications, proof-reading... It's fine! Not rude at all. People ask for favours and will more often than not be delighted to return the favour in whatever way they can. You often see people wondering where our sense of community has gone, but with everyone helping everyone out in little ways where they can, it'd be a little more apparent. I'm not saying put yourself out and put favours above your job/kids/wellbeing, and I'm certainly not saying anyone should end up out of pocket for the sake of being kind, but a little kindness doesn't hurt, and nor does asking for help from someone in the know.

Totally disagree on how not offering free services kills sense of community. You provide those kindnesses through things like being willing to help them out and babysit or taking their kids to school in carpool or bringing them a casserole when they're sick and you know their family needs to eat. There are plenty of other ways to show kindness than take your time offering your business services for free.

Something I am realizing here as I read all the comments is the people saying "well if she is a "close/good" friend" But where do you draw the line? If word gets out you will surely have people wanting you to do them favors and make free items or give discounts as well.

And just to clarify she does want me to make it. She just wants me to do it at her house and basically she will help. I wouldn't mind giving her a list of materials she needs or something like that but my issue is she wants me to take hours to go to her house to make this thing.

I didn't once say it kills it, I said helping others helps a sense of community... Like you said "being willing to help them out". Yep, that's what she's asking. Why not say you don't have time to make it with her but offer her tips and advice on ingredients?

 

[Darlin65]

Emyandpotato- I think she is lonely, well I know she is, but she just rubs me he wrong way to be around her. She is so negative it is exhausting. One of those "my life sucks I want what you have" sort of people. She is always complaining about her OH and wishes he was more like mine. She doesn't enjoy her kids like I do. She's always complaining about them. I just can't be around somebody I have to constantly reassure their life is good. My sister is that way and it is draining. They do it in a passive aggressive way.

 

[emyandpotato]

Yeah I get that. I've had people who I'd rather not spend time with though I feel I should. I'm not saying you should have to make the cake at all, I just don't think it was rude to ask that's all.

 

[Scoobys mummy]

My dh gets it constantly...he fixes tvs/ sky etc. someone will ring and say their tv has stopped, he goes and finds someone's been messing with the remote or pulled a wire out. He fixes it and is often shuffled out the door with a "oh great, sure if that's all that was wrong...". No consideration for time taken to get there/fuel etc.

 

[AP]

Direct her to YouTube and be done.

 

[lhancock90]

Direct her to YouTube and be done.

 

[Dragonfly]

My other half fixes cars and people will come and ask him to fix car and either offer nothing or lie and say they will pay him and never do. He also does tattoos and one boy who got one off him never paid him and he asked him for the money and it started a fight and the boy broke my other halfs leg with his mates. Then tore his ear next time he seen him. Over a cheap tattoo he wouldn't pay for. I have forbidden him from doing free stuff for any one we have a family here . No one does a dam thing for us free. Some will take advantage to save money and cost you money, dont let it happen you get nothing in the end. Just used.

 

[MrsOC]

Tbh it sounds like she wants to steal your thunder and start her own business. Maybe that is just me though.

 

[Darlin65]

My other half fixes cars and people will come and ask him to fix car and either offer nothing or lie and say they will pay him and never do. He also does tattoos and one boy who got one off him never paid him and he asked him for the money and it started a fight and the boy broke my other halfs leg with his mates. Then tore his ear next time he seen him. Over a cheap tattoo he wouldn't pay for. I have forbidden him from doing free stuff for any one we have a family here . No one does a dam thing for us free. Some will take advantage to save money and cost you money, dont let it happen you get nothing in the end. Just used.

I had to start putting a deadline on when I had to receive payment before I'd make things for people. I would end up going and getting the stuff to make it and then they would cancel on me the night before when I had already started making it. Now if I don't receive payment by a specific date I won't make it for them. I refuse to be left with all this stuff I can't return and not be reimbursed for and I also refuse to turn my family's schedule upside down rushing the night before somebody needs something. It was happening far too often.

 

[Darlin65]

Tbh it sounds like she wants to steal your thunder and start her own business. Maybe that is just me though.

She's not that good She literally isn't crafty at all.

 

[Dragonfly]

My other half fixes cars and people will come and ask him to fix car and either offer nothing or lie and say they will pay him and never do. He also does tattoos and one boy who got one off him never paid him and he asked him for the money and it started a fight and the boy broke my other halfs leg with his mates. Then tore his ear next time he seen him. Over a cheap tattoo he wouldn't pay for. I have forbidden him from doing free stuff for any one we have a family here . No one does a dam thing for us free. Some will take advantage to save money and cost you money, dont let it happen you get nothing in the end. Just used.

I had to start putting a deadline on when I had to receive payment before I'd make things for people. I would end up going and getting the stuff to make it and then they would cancel on me the night before when I had already started making it. Now if I don't receive payment by a specific date I won't make it for them. I refuse to be left with all this stuff I can't return and not be reimbursed for and I also refuse to turn my family's schedule upside down rushing the night before somebody needs something. It was happening far too often.

I can imagine this happening alright. I get told I should be making money out of my photography by people who dont pay

 

[Tanikins]

If it was a really close friend then id probs do it for them for free tbh. Me and a friend have made a few cakes with fondant icing designs and were okay-ish. Some friends/fam want cakes making, which gives us more practice. We dont even charge for food costs.

If it was a friend of friend etc i would charge a bit though

 

[smallpeanut]

Wow bless her. Maybe she really does feel like shit and she needs to off load to someone. I hope she stops wasting her time on you and I also hope she doesn't see this thread.

Tbh, my friend sells her cakes and I've asked her to come over and help me and she has and we had a laugh. I teach horse riding. Same friend wanted a go so she came over and had a free ride... Life is too short. It's not like your paying for her equipment. She just wants your time.

 

[Darlin65]

Yeah, because that makes sense. Spend time with just anybody because they need some one to complain too 24/7. I'm a firm believer in everyone has bad days and needs to talk it out but if you are constantly unhappy you need to take a better look at your life and make some changes. Don't expect to tell somebody how unhappy you are in your relationship and how they cheat on you etc. and then just keep having more kids and settling in more and then that person to keep listening to how on happy you are. I can not support that and I will not support that.

 

[smallpeanut]

Have you ever had depression? If it was as easy as that life would be a perfect.. If she's worth that little to you and you feel this strongly about it then why care if you've pissed her off? It sounds like you wanted to break off from her and it sounds like you have so all is good now surely?

 

[Darlin65]

Actually yes I did have severe depression for well over a year to the point I couldn't work because it was mixed with anxiety that made it hard to leave my house. I couldn't drive either. I didn't go about imposing my problems on others tho. My problem stayed at home between me and OH and he helped me through it.

It's one thing to be honest when somebody asks how you are doing but to twist everything you say/talk about into a negative thing about your life is just too much. Again if you are that unhappy take a look at the bigger picture and what you need to do to move on to greener pastures.

 

[smallpeanut]

People deal with it in all sorts of ways. She sounds like her oh IS the problem so she can't offload to him. Anyway it's neither here nor there. As I said earlier, clearly your not fussed over her so maybe this was the best outcome.

 

[girlnboots]

Wow, this got off-topic and snarly fast.

I'm on your side, OP. I'm a professional decorator myself, and if someone I'm not close with called me up and said "Hey, come help me with this cake and I'll buy all the materials." I would laugh in her face. Anytime you help anyone who doesn't have a clue, you end up doing all the work while they watch. Then they get the cake they wanted, and you get shammed on hours worth of work.

To everyone else, it's not like she's trying to rip off her best friend by making her pay for a cake. It's an acquaintance trying to use her for her skills. She probably has no interest in spending time with the OP or else this wouldn't have come out of the blue. Chill out.

 

[Belle25]

I don't think it's rude to be honest(unless it's one of those call you up only when i want something friends!)
My husbands friend is a vet and does treatment free for our car, my husband did work for them buy building them a website.
Our friend made our wedding cake, and we helped her move house etc.(having said that, I'd never dream of asking her to do such a big thing!)
To me, it's part of being a friend. You help each other out. x

 

[Creative]

I don't think it's rude to be honest(unless it's one of those call you up only when i want something friends!)
My husbands friend is a vet and does treatment free for our car, my husband did work for them buy building them a website.
Our friend made our wedding cake, and we helped her move house etc.(having said that, I'd never dream of asking her to do such a big thing!)
To me, it's part of being a friend. You help each other out. x

I hope he's treating the CAT not the CAR!!!

That sounds like a totally different situation though. It's a mutual reciprical arangement.
If you are self employed and reliant on the number of products you can make in a certain amount of time for your income then it is very hard to take several days out to do something for nothing. I have on many occassions made things for people for free and especially with the keepsakes and friends who have lost someone. I love to be able to offer. I've also done a lot of wedding items for friends as gifts. There is a distinct difference when it is presumed that you will work for free to provide what someone is after.
I have made and constantly update a friends website and in return she promotes my work and takes it out and about when she is at events. That's a mutually beneficial arrangement.