Am I wrong for thinking this is rude?

[Belle25]

I don't think it's rude to be honest(unless it's one of those call you up only when i want something friends!)
My husbands friend is a vet and does treatment free for our car, my husband did work for them buy building them a website.
Our friend made our wedding cake, and we helped her move house etc.(having said that, I'd never dream of asking her to do such a big thing!)
To me, it's part of being a friend. You help each other out. x

I hope he's treating the CAT not the CAR!!!

That sounds like a totally different situation though. It's a mutual reciprical arangement.
If you are self employed and reliant on the number of products you can make in a certain amount of time for your income then it is very hard to take several days out to do something for nothing. I have on many occassions made things for people for free and especially with the keepsakes and friends who have lost someone. I love to be able to offer. I've also done a lot of wedding items for friends as gifts. There is a distinct difference when it is presumed that you will work for free to provide what someone is after.
I have made and constantly update a friends website and in return she promotes my work and takes it out and about when she is at events. That's a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Ha ha!! Damn iPad. Yep, it's the cat, not car!!
It does totally depend on how close you are as friends, what they are asking if you etc.
I personally wouldn't dream of asking things off my friends. But if they offer, it's nice.
If someone's trying to take advantage of good nature, by putting someone in an arkward position of having to say no, then they are not an actual friend.
X

 

[Evansangel]

I do think its rude and I also think that just because she has depression it doesn't mean you should automatically be friends with her.
I wouldn't be friends with someone that negative and I certainly wouldn't be guilted into it because they had something wrong with them.

I also had depression and I agree 100% about not imposing my problems on other people.

 

[meldmac]

Wow bless her. Maybe she really does feel like shit and she needs to off load to someone. I hope she stops wasting her time on you and I also hope she doesn't see this thread.

Tbh, my friend sells her cakes and I've asked her to come over and help me and she has and we had a laugh. I teach horse riding. Same friend wanted a go so she came over and had a free ride... Life is too short. It's not like your paying for her equipment. She just wants your time.

Wow this is really rude and offensive. I don't think at all it's justified. She was just asking opinions. If everyone gave out free service to every single person they know then how do people make any money?

I think giving advice is different then having someone come over and pretty much doing it for you. If every business ran this way they would go broke, it seems though that if you have a business out of your home you are fair game for anyone who wants something for free.

As far as the depression goes, I suffer from depression and anxiety and I don't unload on everyone I see. If she is depressed she needs to get it taken care of and it doesn't sound like she is.

 

[Rachel_C]

I do think it would be rude to ask this of somebody you're not particularly close to, but I would ask a close friend to come over and watch me mess up a cake/supervise me if we would normally spend time together. I wouldn't be asking them to take a day off work, I'd be asking them to help me do something in the time we'd normally spend together - her free time. Of course I'd do the same for her, if she happened to need something I could do. I wouldn't give up working hours to do it but I'd spend my free time doing something I'm good at to help a friend out.

It sounds like the real problem here is that the other girl thinks they are closer friends than the OP is prepared to be. In her mind it's not rude at all because they're close. However from what the OP has said about this girl, I really think it would be kinder to be honest or just say she can't meet up and keep saying no. It doesn't sound like you like or respect this girl at all OP, so do the right thing and stop giving her false hope.

I also think people get too protective of things they do for a living. If you didn't do it for a living, would you help a friend bake a cake? If you would have done it before you started charging to do it, I personally think you should continue to do so. I've always helped friends and family with proof-reading and general admin stuff. Just because I charge for it professionally doesn't mean I shouldn't continue to help people for free. I agree with one of the PPs that expecting to be paid for every little thing is really bad for community spirit.

 

[bumpy_j]

I don't think it's rude to ask, but to act all huffy about it after you've declined is totally rude!

 

[Darlin65]

Well if it puts in better perspective for you ladies she has just asked me to sew her a pillowcase and a dog bed as well. Every time she asks we hang out it's not "Let's do lunch" it's "can you make me this?"

 

[Eternal]

I think friends do things for one another, share their talents and skills. Also friends can be rather one sided. I have quite a few people who I give far more than I get, and I'm sure their are friends who see it the other way too. So as far as helping out a friend I would, and if she was buying everything it won't cost you anything but time, so i would help but depends on the friend. If it's one of my good fiends I wouldn't hesitate, but them we have good two way friendships.

If they were not good friends it generally would depend on how much I liked them or an exchange of talents, like, ok I'll bake with you but you can help me sew this.

Saying that as a couple we do birth help lots of people out we don't like however when it's your occupation to is difficult!

My husband is a gas engineer, and can't do homers as the company he works for forbids it in his contract, but people always ask and he has often gone and found the fault so they know roughly how much it will cost, people can be rude, they will expect him to come now and fix it now for free, we refuse, it's not worth losing his job over and even if the company allowed it those type of people just take and take.

So I do understand too. If you don't like this person you need to just say no, just say you have been thinking and although you are ok to give advice over the phone you are busy and just don't have the time to give up for free given the amount of time it will take, and that it won't feel like a nice get together for you as this is your WORK. I would add that YouTube is an excellent resource for learning about cake decorating. As for the sewing, just say, you are feeling a little used and abused and although you don't mind helping you feel like she only want you to complain to or fix things for her.

 

[sandilion]

As a ex hairdresser i know your pain. Been used a bit myself in the past and one of the best skills i ever learned was the ability to just say "no"

Once i started saying no, i was a lot happier. I sure have ruffled a lot of feathers by doing so. But those people I soon then had pretty much nothing to do with after wards, so it's a win win.

 

[Nela]

If it were someone I were really close with and we exchanged skills, services, etc. then sure, I'd help. It's a mutual thing. But when it's someone who is leeching off your own hard work without actually appreciating you for it, nah, no way. I don't do it anymore. I make things and sell them online. I've had friends order things and expect not to pay me. Sorry, but there is a price listed under those items for a reason If I had been her, I'd have found my own recipe and idea and then asked you to help me with that so you wouldn't feel like you had to tell me all your secrets. I mean, it's one thing to ask for your help because you're better at it than she is, but it's another to ask to know the exact thing you do for a living without expecting to compensate you for it. Don't feel bad for not letting people walk all over you. I know it sucks, but people really do try and take advantage of you when you are good at something!

 

[Nela]

Oh btw, I discussed this topic with my music teacher a while ago and she told me that what she says, when people ask her to sing for them, is: "I'm sorry but I don't work outside my work hours." When it's your work, you don't necessarily want to spend all your time off 'working'. It seems to help make a point when people are difficult about it.

 

[LoveCakes]

Oh btw, I discussed this topic with my music teacher a while ago and she told me that what she says, when people ask her to sing for them, is: "I'm sorry but I don't work outside my work hours." When it's your work, you don't necessarily want to spend all your time off 'working'. It seems to help make a point when people are difficult about it.

This is a good response. People love to ask Hubby to fix their computer because hours of his time weren't out putting him out of pocket. He started charging though will help a friend out. Also he tells them it may be a few weeks before he can spend 4 hours on it and when they realise the work back off sometimes.

To the OP I'd say it would be best if this friendship died since it doesn't seem to make either of you happy.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I do think it's pretty rude, but I think she probably doesn't see how obnoxious she's being. To you she's one in a long line of people who'll breeze into your life when they need something and expect you to work for free, but to her you're just one person she knows who's handy and can help her out. I can see why she'd test her luck with it.
Straying OT, to say that you should go help her just because she might be lonely/depressed seems absurd! Suffering depression doesn't mean throwing your problems at vague friends and bringing them down, that's just one-sided and selfish. It definitely doesn't entitle you to expect free work from them

I'm pretty crafty as a hobby (though not so much of late as I'm just far too busy), and I LOVE when people ask me to make things for them. Of course I've never asked for money and I just find it very flattering. However I've been told I should make things professionally (not that I'm anywhere near good enough), but all I ever think is "No, because you'd still expect free stuff!"

 

[Foogirl]

I don't think it's rude, where I come from it's how the world works. I give out a lot of favours but called in a lot when I got married. I think the world is a nice place when we help people out from time to time. Sure if you are trying to run a business and you are not making any money because you are constantly doing things for nothing it can become a problem. But to offer the occasional service free or at cost price to someone who is maybe not so well off, that's a nice thing to do. And if I were a baker and a friend asked me to come round and help them bake, as long as I had the free time I'd do it. Is there really any problem to her having your "secrets". It's not like she intends to set up in competition with you and if she could afford to buy from you surely she would so it's not like you are doing yourself out of a customer. Maybe, if you were to help her out she would be more likely to recommend your services to a paying customer or two.

I do negotiate on costs for stuff but never expect anything for free. Even if it is from friends. But I will accept a freebie if offered. I just file it away and be sure to return the favour if I can.

 

[Feltzy]

I think a lot of people who have a skill/trade get this.

My DH and his father run a van hire company and the amount of family/friends/aquaintances that ring and ask if he can get them a van for free is unbelievable. They also have an onsite garage and DH is a mechanic by trade and some friends only ever ring when something goes wrong with their car

I remember when I first met DH I was so embarrassed. My own family found out what he did and even they started ringing me to ask DH if he could get them a van/fix their car for free. What people don't understand is if he did fix their cars he would have to do this in his own time. He worked 6 days a week and often he would spend his 1 day off fixing a relatives car. It gets annoying!

 

[Darlin65]

Just a little update... she did finally ask me how much I would charge her. I gave her a price (fairly cheap because I knew she wouldn't be willing to pay much) and she still tried to talk me down. I told her I couldn't go lower because I'd already given her a good price. If I did agree to go lower I wouldn't have made a profit at all because I was only making a $10-$15 profit on the whole thing (might have even cost me). Well today she asks me what I can do for Xamnt because her OH got a ticket for driving drunk and it's all she has. I told her I could still do something for her but made it very clear it would no be the same thing. She seemed okay with it. She's supposed to come over Sunday with the money for me. Guess we will see. I'm half expecting her to try and talk me down a little further still.