Annoyed at people telling me I'll get an epidural!

[LizChase]

Ranting here.. Every time I tell someone I'm not planning to have an epidural, they scoff and roll their eyes and tell me I'll change my mind. Umm, I really don't think so, rude-pants. I mean, this is my first so maybe I'm fooling myself, but I know it's going to hurt - I'm not stupid.. But I'd rather just deal with the pain then get an epidural, they scare the snot out of me! And having a baby is supposed to hurt! Personally, I'd rather do it naturally and be able to move and walk around instead of being paralyzed and stuck in bed. (No offense to people who get an epidural, I just think they're creepy.) It's really hard for me to not say something extremely rude in return when people do this. UGH.

 

[Bex84]

I had the same when I had my first LO. I hated the thought of having to have injection in spine. I didn't have epidural, just gas and air and one injection of meptid. You will be fine without one. The place I had lo didn't even offer it

 

[tinymumma]

Amen to that sister! A giant, f*** off needle in my spine? No thanks. Women have been having babies long, LONG before epidurals came along and they managed! Besides, labour doesn't last forever and it has been proven that being able to move and walk around shortens your labour. Impossible to do that when you're paralysed from the waist down! Besides, it can actually leave you permanently paralysed. You can't move when getting it done and if you go though a contraction while that needle is in your spine... Don't let that freak you out when you're actually in the room and considering one though! More chances of tearing as well.
So, don't stress, I'm so with you. no one can tell you how you will handle it. Everyone is different.
My mother is convince I'll be asking for one too. She's told me that even if I ask for one she will tell the midwife that I can't have one. She said if I so much as make a noise, she will just laugh at me. Have decided that only OH and I will be in the room because, stuff that. I'll probably kill the woman

 

[george83]

I was the other way around when I had my first I was so scared of the thought of the pain I was adamant I was having any pain relief possible including an epidural. However I - luckily - had such a quick labour that I didn't have the chance for one and afterwards i was so proud of myself. When I had my second I did it again without any pain relief and trust me if I can do it then I'm sure you can. Good luck!

 

[MrsButterfly]

I was the same. Everyone thought I wouldn't handle labour and would have an epidural. but needles seriously freak me the hell out! As it was I didn't get the chance to have an epidural and did manage with just gas and air.

Basically though, ignore everyone and on the day do what works for you. Sod what anyone else thinks!

 

[messica]

I felt the same way when pregnant with my first, and it ticked me off when others would tell me I couldn't do things "naturally" as well....until I got full swing into it after being exhausted from coping with preterm labor for the better part of three months before delivery. I absolutely took the epidural and then demanded one for my second lol.

I had/have no complications, back pain, paralysis....seriously I pushed my babies out as "naturally" as anyone else did and no I wasn't on my back. I breastfed immediately after and my children were both born with top apgar scores despite being early. It was wonderful being in control, able to avoid any tearing at all. I actually ENJOYED labor and I have no shame or regrets any more than if I had gotten anesthesia having a root canal or my wisdom teeth out (would passing a kidney stone with no pain relief be considered "natural" too?). Back in the day people yanked and spat those suckers out with no pain relief. What was done medically ages ago is completely irrelevant this day and age. Enduring unnecessary pain is no badge of honor imo. To me it's just plain silly now that I've btdt myself. I can't believe I once sat up on such a high horse about it all.

Bottom line, poo poo other peoples opinions of doubting you right now if that's how you feel (I understand and completely respect your drive) but please don't feel ANY shame if they end up being right. I'm all for women doing what every they want to in the delivery room with their own bodies, but it really irritates me when people set first time mom's up for feeling like failures if they can't or don't want to deliver without pain relief.

As women where have our hearts gone? To support each other instead of judging and looking down on others who make choices contrary to our own? Where has this obsession come from, the comparisons, the thumbing our noses??

Do, or don't manage your pain. Deliver vaginally unassisted, assisted or via C-section. No one should care about anything other than the fact that at the end, you will be a mother!

I wish you a healthy rest of your pregnancy and a healthy, happy you and baby NO MATTER how you ultimately deliver. It's a drop in the hat in regards to the joy a child will bring into the rest of your life and that should be the focus

 

[messica]

Amen to that sister! A giant, f*** off needle in my spine? No thanks. Women have been having babies long, LONG before epidurals came along and they managed! Besides, labour doesn't last forever and it has been proven that being able to move and walk around shortens your labour. Impossible to do that when you're paralysed from the waist down! Besides, it can actually leave you permanently paralysed. You can't move when getting it done and if you go though a contraction while that needle is in your spine... Don't let that freak you out when you're actually in the room and considering one though! More chances of tearing as well.

You're misguided on so many points in your above

It's not a giant needle.

It doesn't take but a few seconds to insert the actual line, the rest is all prep (took maybe 10 minutes total?) The anesthesiologist obviously time's actual line placement between contractions. If you can hold still for 2 seconds, you can wiggle and writher all you want the rest of the time.

People managed limb amputations long before there was legitimate pain relief available for those too, do you think that should continue to be the norm simply because others endured without ages ago?

I was able to walk and change positions before delivery, and was able to walk myself to the bathroom about 20 minutes after I delivered placenta. The amount administered through an epidural line can vary tremendously literally at the click of a button and it wears off pretty quickly once it's turned off.

I had epidurals during the deliveries of both of my children. My labors were only 4 and 3.5 hours respectively (start to finish, not all was in hospital).

I was never once paralyzed. Merely semi-numbed. An epidural is *NOT* the same thing as a spinal. I could still feel plenty throughout every part of my body for the duration of my deliveries and I had complete control over that.

Yes there are risks but they are smaller than can usually be quantified. There are risks that accompany unmedicated delivery as well. Every decision has positives and negatives that should be fully researched before deciding what's best for a particular woman and her baby.

The chances of tearing are actually FAR less with an epidural, because pushing is not as frantic or forceful. I pushed only a handful of times with both of mine. I was able to stop and breathe through contractions while delivering their heads to allow my perineum time to adjust to the stretch instead of having that compulsion to bear down with no control.
I didn't tear at all.


Those were the experiences of the vast majority of my friends and family members as well. That they shoved it in my face when I was expecting my first, after being brainwashed during birthing classes that pain relief would kill me or my child, seriously ticked me off. I was more ashamed at my arrogance than anything else when the experience didn't prove to be anything my instructors had convinced me of. I do remember apologizing to many admitting I was wrong to be so judgmental in thinking doing it without pain relief would somehow make me so much better of a woman than they were. I'm beyond tired of the misinformation and the divide it creates amongst us all.

 

[Bex84]

Theres nothing wrong with an epidural so i hope my post didnt come across as that. I was at midwife unit where couldent have epiduaral and i was slightly freeked out about the needle as a wimp lol. I progressed quickly anyway and did part in water. Whatever way you give birth doesent mean a thing. I got by ok on gas and air. I really wanted to be at that midwife unit so it worked for me. There is no shame in asking for one just as no shame not getting one. I dont think any if my mummy friends in rl even know what my birth experience was except fairly quick. I never mentioned what pain relief i had

 

[Shadowy Lady]

OP - I had the same experience as you when I was pregnant. In fact I posted a thread similar to yours here. I'm in Canada and here most ppl do get epidurals. So everyone around me told me I would get it and told me I was being a "martyr"...which really wasn't the case. I had done my research and wanted to try without. People will give you advice when not needed now and they will continue it for long after you have your baby. Just put yourself, your baby and your OH at priority and don't pay any mind to others' opinion (especially when not asked).

I was able to go completely pain free with my birth. I had a 4 hour labour, no epidural, no tear/graze, healthy baby and very fast recovery. I thought birth was painful but manageable, I probably would have got the epidural if my labour was much longer though but I was just lucky and I had a supportive husband and midwife by me. I would say have an open mind and perhaps talk to others who have had natural births.

Messica - while I'm not anti-epidural, the chances of tearing is actually higher with it because you can't feel the same pushing force. This is what they told us at the pre-natal class based on the stats at 3 hospitals in my city (where 80% of women do get the pidural). Typically, your chances of more intervensions go up with the epidural, and that includes use of forcep, vacuum and emergency C-section. It doesn't make epidural the big, bad evil...but these are facts to consider fo everyone when thinking about their birth.

 

[kaylacrouch93]

I was just like you when i was pregnant with my 1st.. People used to make me sooo mad saying that i couldn't handle the pain.. Then i got the news i had to be induced and that meant not being able to get out of bed and laying on my back.. The Pain was rough. and i did get a epidural in the end but it wasn't cause i couldn't handle the pain it was cause laying in bed straped down like i was seemed to make everything worse. Don't let anybody tell you what your gonna do in labor but then again don't be like i will not get pain killers either cause you never know..

 

[fxmummyduck]

Op, Everyone said the same to me too, and I actually found it very hurtful that they would doubt me and say, why would you want to do that?... um ALL sorts of reasons actually and its my choice! I used to work as a midwife and I would see all the negatives of epidural And didnt notice the positives as they just freaked me out...id have considered it braver in my shoes to have one than not. Ultimately it's no one else's decision except yours, keep an open mind and when the time comes go with the flow.

Im a real wimp with pain but labour felt different, it wasnt a broken bone I knew nothing was wrong so I accepted the pain, it wouldn't last and contractions peak and subside.i managed a 15 hour labour with gas and air in the pool.

If you believe you can do it then I believe you can do it!

 

[LizChase]

Thanks for the replies all! I know that if you get induced, the medication for that makes the pain a lot worse, so I'm hoping I'm not faced with that. And there are varying levels of the medicine, so you can only get a partial epidural, or a weak one, or however would be best to word it to take the edge off, while still being able to move around a bit. If I do decide to get one, that's what I would do for sure. Epidurals are totally viable options, I don't have anything against them on principle, and I'm certainly not looking down on anyone if it their choice to get one. Personally I am just not someone who takes a lot of pain medication for anything, I usually won't even take Tylenol when I have a headache, I just don't think it's necessary. Plus anesthesia and pain medications often make me really super nauseous, so another reason I'm wanting to avoid it. But like I said I could be totally fooling myself and crying for one as soon as I get in there! And Messica, I will take your advice and try not to feel like I failed if I do, but it would be hard for me to not feel that way a little bit.

 

[messica]

Thanks for the replies all! I know that if you get induced, the medication for that makes the pain a lot worse, so I'm hoping I'm not faced with that. And there are varying levels of the medicine, so you can only get a partial epidural, or a weak one, or however would be best to word it to take the edge off, while still being able to move around a bit. If I do decide to get one, that's what I would do for sure. Epidurals are totally viable options, I don't have anything against them on principle, and I'm certainly not looking down on anyone if it their choice to get one. Personally I am just not someone who takes a lot of pain medication for anything, I usually won't even take Tylenol when I have a headache, I just don't think it's necessary. Plus anesthesia and pain medications often make me really super nauseous, so another reason I'm wanting to avoid it. But like I said I could be totally fooling myself and crying for one as soon as I get in there! And Messica, I will take your advice and try not to feel like I failed if I do, but it would be hard for me to not feel that way a little bit.

I know EXACTLY what you mean with your last sentence, and with your entire post really.

A funny story about your mention of Tylenol - I was started on pitosin while I was sitting on a birthing ball. That caused some REALLY big ones started to roll (I'm not sure why everyone thinks with pitosin you're stuck in bed because I was not). I asked a nurse then for Tylenol then thinking that would be a reasonable place to start for pain management. I too never even take otc medications so I really thought it would help! She giggled and said it wouldn't and I remember getting a bit snarky at her for that lol. My birthing class instructor was ADAMANET that any pain medication was an outright failure. That I would be failing myself if I took anything, and would be putting my baby in direct danger, so that's what I believed and it was hard enough to even ask for that. The midwife that worked with my OB came in shortly after and finally turned some of that outright damage to my confidence around. She was supportive of ME. Not someone else's opinion of success.

I really believe societies extremist brainwashing....you'll be less of a woman if you don't - do this or that during pregnancy, birth "naturally" and without any interventions, extended breastfeed, attachment parent, stay home with your child etc. - is exactly why so many women end up psychologically damaged while having children. You hear about women just losing it under the weight of stress during pregnancy, more and more women popping up in therapy because they felt traumatized when things didn't go exactly as planned in the delivery room (seriously, there are huge support groups for that), post partum depression in record numbers these days.....the outside pressure and judgment, from other women and educators who should actually understand how damaging that is better than anyone else, is truly harming us all!

You just go in with as much information as you can, do the best that you can, keep an open mind, and don't worry a stitch about what any other insurance/NHS would or wouldn't provide a laboring mother or what any other woman could/couldn't or did/didn't want to do. You've created life and you're doing best by your baby regardless, there's no failure in that. Period.


I found great relief when both my delivery nurse and midwife confirmed to me as I was bawling, immersed in fear of failing my original birth plan, that the vast majority of deliveries (more than 90%) entailed some sort of pain relief. I nursed both my kids with significant compilations and struggles for the same reasons....I was more afraid of judgment from my peers if I quit, than being able to clearly see how much it hurt me emotionally and physically. That's ridiculous!


(I did get an iv pain med and some sort of "gas" (before settling on the epidural) that made me toss my cookies the second it hit my blood stream. If you're worried about being made nauseous I would just be aware that that's a common side effect. Not at all trying to scare you, and all women respond to those things differently, but I do wish someone would have clued me in on that point first!)

 

[Waiting4bb]

The bottom line is it is your choice alone whatever you decide to do. People will always say rude things and think they know better. We shouldn't judge what others decide to do especially when it comes to something like natural birthing or taking an epidural. Women go through enough in labor. We don't need others unwanted "advice!" Hope you get a beautiful natural birth

 

[Bex84]

never feel like a failure, your child wont look back on their birth in 20 years and say my mum was a bad mum as she had this type of pain relief. I kept my birth plan open as I didn't know what to expect. I wouldn't have the option of epidural where I had lo and will hopefully have this one as no doctors and just midwife led. Our birth class was very much based around positions to help with comfort and stuff you can do to help pain but they weren't anti pain relief. One midwife did mention that epidurals can slow down everything but I have no idea if that's true. I think its hard to know how to feel when its your first baby and I had many people telling me how awful it was (just what you need to hear when your pregnant lol) I found the pain manageable and to be honest as soon as I held my baby what you just went through for me kind of was put to one side. Just remember whatever happens your not a failure and everyone has a different experience

 

[bcos21]

I used to answer the question honestly, that I was not interested in pain meds and id get the whole "oh sure... Wait and see!" That's exactly what I did, natural birth no meds and it was an amazing day. Besides the point, I.got tired of these silly conversations so I just went with "pain, what Pain? I thought the stork brought the baby yes?" It usually lightened things up.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Ugh I got this a lot too. When people asked what pain relief I wanted (which really isn't any of their usiness anyway) and I said that I hoped not to get en epidural but would if I needed I got a lot of eye rolls and people telling me I'd soon change my mind. Which may well have happened- I was going into it with an open mind but my intention and hope was not to have an epidural. The fact that women felt the need to try and scare me or cause me to doubt my ability to cope without an epidural really rubbed me the wrong way because its the last thing you need when you're trying to be positive and excited about labour. I didn't get an epidural but after delivering my son I had a spinal as I got stitched in theatre. One "friend", on hearing this, was sooo smug and said "see! You soon changed your tune and shouted for the strongest pain relief you could get!" When I explained that my son was already an hour old at this point and that the spinal was required for surgery she still wanted to rub my nose in it! Sigh.

 

[HopefulPony]

I wasn't keen to have an epidural when I was pregnant and I wanted a natural water birth, but in the end I was induced due to high BP and developed pitocin-induced pre-eclampsia, and part of the treatment for that is an epidural so I had to have one it didn't work though and by the time they re did it I was 8cm dilated and screaming because I was on my back and baby was back to back and the second one did do spinal damage which I had repaired 48 hours after birth with a third needle in the spine. I really, really hope I can do it next time with just gas and air!

 

[BunnyN]

I felt the same as you. I was quite sure (as long as there were no other complications) I did not want an epidural or other drugs and I didn't change my mind during labour.

Where I am birth is quite medicalized and I knew that wasn't what I wanted. I was not confident about getting the support I wanted at the local hospital so we decided to inquire at a private hospital. I was quite annoyed by the patronizing comments and disbelief we met with from hospital staff. They started by saying they supported a natural birth but I soon realized their idea of a natural birth was to be laying on my back with a drip and strapped to a machine until I decided I couldn't cope any more and took the epi! When my husband asked for the price of the birth without an epidural the receptionist practically snorted and said "oh no, she'll want that". In the end we hired a independent MW and I had a lovely drug free HB

I really believe that the reason that so many women who plan not to have an epidural or pain relief end up changing their birth plan is because they are given no support. When no one really thought it it was an option in the first place it doesn't really give you a real chance to succeed. I don't think it makes you any less of a women if you do have an epidural or change your birth plans, under some circumstances I would too. Pain relief options are a great tool when they are needed but I think for the majority of relatively straightforward births most women who really want to can cope fine without an epi if they are given the right support.

 

[Misscalais]

I've had two natural births with just some gas and air. While labour hurt ( 41 hours and 22 hours ) I did it without needing an epidural. But most people I know do it without one, so no one ever said to me you'd never be able to do it without one. I'd be really cross if someone did say that to me. Looking forward to doing it again if I decide I need pain relief at the time ill go for it but I prefer to go as natural as possible it can be done.