Any other stepmums struggling?

[Zuki]

My hubby has an eleven year old from a previous relationship, and I'm finding it is impacting my pregnancy even though none of us mean it to. I mean this is my first and I sometimes just get really sad about the firsts we'll never share.

DH is lovely, and he doesn't talk about his first experience too much because he doesn't want to upset me, but then I tell him I'd rather he was honest. Stepson is a difficult kid, plus he lives with us fulltime, but I really don't even think it's him that's bothering me.

I don't know, bit all over the place I think, just wish this was both of our first time sometimes.

Anyone else had similar feelings?

 

[HopefulEm]

Hi Zuki, I'm not a stepmom but I totally sympathize. I had a lot of those feelings with other firsts growing up since my partner at the time was a lot more experienced (first kiss, etc.). It was very hard then even though those are more temporary things. I'm pretty sure if I was in your position I would feel the exact same way.

Feel better! Every child is unique so I'm sure there will still be many things that will be new to you both.

 

[SuperwomanTTC]

Zuki, I experienced many of the same emotions when I was pregnant with my first. My husband has a 5 year old son that visits on holidays. In our situation, my husband did not experience his mother's pregnancy or his birth, but I was still focused on the "firsts we'd never share". I had to realize that no matter what every experience with that pregnancy was a first for us because it was our first child together. It is easier said than done, but try not to let anything steal the joy of your pregnancy from you.

 

[Helzy]

I often feel the same as my partner has two children with a previous partner. This being my first, I do often feel as though i'm undermined by his experience. I understand that he shares his stories of his two children being babies as a way of empathising with my situation, but it does get to me a little that this isn't a first that we are both experiencing, especially when I'm hearing from other MTB about how their partners are reacting to becoming potential fathers. Then again, I just remind myself that this is our first child together, and the start of our family, something I'll not share with anyone else again. That thought alone does put a smile on my face.

 

[TicToc]

My two oldest are technically my stepsons, although their biological mother was abusive and mostly absent from their lives (they are grown now and don't even talk to her because of things she did to them). So they lived with us from a very young age and we are very close, I consider them my sons. The whole 'step' thing is never on our minds.

Anyway... When I was pregnant with our third DH did sort of acted like 'he already knew' when I would talk about things in amazement. I shot that down real quick, I just explained to him that it's still my first time experiencing it and that it was hurtful to feel like he didn't share the same excitement or was assuming it was the 'same'. He never did it again. And actually, as the pregnancy progressed so many details were so different and the fact that we were together like a real couple did make it a new experience for him in so many ways. I think communication is really important, sometimes guys need to feel like they have everything covered and don't realize that the little things they say or imply are actually not comforting...unless we tell them, sometimes repeatedly with a big flashing neon sign.

 

[Bonnie11]

Yes my OH has a DD from a previous relationship, though she spends the majority of time with us as her mum lives abroad.
I know what you mean about it not being our first for things. But there are a lot of things that we will be sharing together. For instance he never had a 4d scan, and he wasn't at the birth of his first so those will be things that we can do together. Are there some things that you can do together that he hasn't done first time around?
Remember that whatever happened the first time around, this is his first with you, so it will be an amazing shared experience. Once your baby is here you will such a bond between you both you won't mind it's not his first xxx

 

[ZoeyKaspian]

My hubby has an eleven year old from a previous relationship, and I'm finding it is impacting my pregnancy even though none of us mean it to. I mean this is my first and I sometimes just get really sad about the firsts we'll never share.

DH is lovely, and he doesn't talk about his first experience too much because he doesn't want to upset me, but then I tell him I'd rather he was honest. Stepson is a difficult kid, plus he lives with us fulltime, but I really don't even think it's him that's bothering me.

I don't know, bit all over the place I think, just wish this was both of our first time sometimes.

Anyone else had similar feelings?

I definitely feel this way. All the time. There are some things that during this pregnancy my fiance did not get excited about and it kind of hurt, but I wasn't sure if it was because it wasn't his first or what. Sometimes I will get things for OUR son and immediately the subject matter changes to his other son. However, something that made me feel awesome the other day was I started putting emergency phone numbers in my phone like poison control. My fiance looked at me with a big shock on his face. He told me he hadn't even thought to do that with his son and had to learn the hard way. It was something his ex, who was NOT a first time mom with him (she has another child from another guy too) also had not done at the time. He told me after that, "I knew you were going to be a good mom."