Any young mums on here regret having kids young?

[amy_2]

I know this is a touchy subject, but are there any 20-something mums that regret having kids or wish they had waited till later, perhaps late 20's/early 30's?

I am almost 23 and my bf wants to have kids, but I don't really feel ready. I could be making a big mistake, what about travelling and living my own life etc?

In some ways I would love to have kids when I'm young, I just feel so torn....

NB: My bf is in a dead end job and he is from the country originally... and many country people have kids really young..... whereas I'm from the city, went to a good school, uni etc....

 

[Embo78]

Hi Amy
I had my children very young. Started when I was 18. My oldest DD is 13 almost 14 and I worry about her following in my footsteps so much. I do not regret having my children young, that was my path, but I find it interesting that I don't want my DD's to do the same. I think this is because I know how hard it is and the sacrifices you make are huuuge !!

It sounds to me like you have already made your decision hun. If you're in any doubt whatsoever, don't get pregnant. This is a big decision that is so personal for the individual lady. Wait until your gut says "yes".

Hope this helps

 

[Eskimobabys]

DOnt rush in if ur not ready It's ur life there ALWAYS be plenty of time for babies in the future.xx

 

[Missy.]

Its definitely not a decision to make lightly hun. I'm only 21 and have a 4 month old daughter and I would say no I don't regret it because I love being a mummy but having children young isn't for everyone. Me & OH only decided to start our family at a young age because we both had the urge to have children, it's a joint decision. If you don't feel ready then don't do it, you have plenty of time to have children and believe me hun when your ready you'll know because you'll be so broody you won't be able to get babies out of your head lol. x

 

[Weeplin]

Don't do it if you're having doubts. I'm 25 at the end of this year and I had my first child when I was 17. It wasn't intentional getting pregnant with her and although I have never regretted having her I would never have chosen to get pregnant at such a young age. It just happened and I dealt with it.

If you do it just because you think (or know) that it will be nice, or just to please your boyfriend when you are having very clear doubts then you will always think "what if?" and you could regret it and possibly resent.

You are right to want to wait and have some fun, you have plenty of time and don't forget you're still young at 30

 

[daisy74]

Hi Amy
I had my children very young. Started when I was 18. My oldest DD is 13 almost 14 and I worry about her following in my footsteps so much. I do not regret having my children young, that was my path, but I find it interesting that I don't want my DD's to do the same. I think this is because I know how hard it is and the sacrifices you make are huuuge !!

It sounds to me like you have already made your decision hun. If you're in any doubt whatsoever, don't get pregnant. This is a big decision that is so personal for the individual lady. Wait until your gut says "yes".

Hope this helps

I feel the same way I had my 1st @ 18 and she will be 18 in January and I am always telling her how much I love her and NEVER would change a thing but it was a struggle @ times working 2 jobs making ends meet and i DONT want her to have to go through the same but when I say it to her she looks like she thinks I regret her and I DONT!!

 

[Mrs_B]

I had my first at 20, and don't regret it at all, but I was totally ready, you've got to do what is right for you. xx

 

[trisha1402]

i am 20 hun n i had my son nearly 2 years ago n now i got another on the way, it is very hard hun making ends meet n all that but i have to cope for my sons n my unborn childs sake, i dont regret havin my son or gettin pregnant again so young but i sumtimes miss the carefree attitude n goin out with ya friends n not having to worry, there are alot of sacrifices hun which are worth it but you have to be ready to give them up, just think about what you want hun there is plenty of time have kids xxx

 

[MrsRabbit]

I wish I'd have waited only because how expensive my kids are. I didn't think I'd have 2 special needs children. Children are a big commitment - wait until you are 100% sure it's what you want.

 

[amy_2]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I've felt broody for ages and can't get babies out of my head.

But I am torn between my broodiness/instinct to have a baby and a strong cultural pressure not to have a baby young.

Let me explain... I was bought up in an middle-upper class culture where having kids young is extremely rare i.e. I went to an expensive private school where teenage pregnancy was unheard of and no one left school to go on and have babies. It just never happened.... In addition, I have just finished university.

My parents are not for me having kids young at all, they warn me against it. My mum didn't have me untill 30.

Whereas my bf is from a totally different upbringing.... his mum had finished her family of 3 kids by 22! He is from a very low-socioeconomic country area where it is normal for people to have kids young.... so that's his mentality.

So he is much more ready to try for a baby and has less to lose because he is in a dead end job... I am much more nervous.... I will give it a few months and see how I feel.

 

[kiwimama]

I would definately wait until you are 110% ready for a baby. Yes, you can go out and travel etc after you have finished raising a family but it's so much easier to do it while you are young.
Does your bf care that he is in a dead end job where he has no prospect of ever getting a promotion?? He might want to go and do some study as well and follow his career goals if he has any. Surely no one wants to be stuck in a dead end job??

 

[Blah11]

I was pregnant at 20, gave birth at 21.. NO regrets. Getting pregnant pushed me forwards to be honest. I had my daughter, moved in with my boyfriend and bought a house all in a year

 

[Blah11]

Also - I don't think you're ready. Being broody doesn't mean you are. I've wanted a baby since I was about 15 (maybe even younger) but of course I wasn't ready. Women are programmed to reproduce so it's just your instincts and hormones thats making you question whether you actually WANT a baby.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I agree that being broody does not mean you are ready. You need to be 110% sure because it is a life changing decision. I couldnt cope with a baby now lol it really does change your life, your time with your partner, your money lol

I had my 2 at 17 and 19. I do not regret having them young at all. I feel like what get what we can deal with and I feel like its fate that I had my children young. I love being young enough to start a career now they have started school. I love being a young mummy xx

 

[aob1013]

If you are not ready, don't even go there.

 

[ALY]

i had my older daughter at 16 she is 9 this year

no i dont regret having her so young she wasnt planned or anything just happened and no i wouldnt change her for the world she has made me the person i am today as i had to grow up and think of my little baby

i have since had 2 more kids robyn 4 and samsam nearly 3 and i wouldnt change them either the way i also see it is when my kids are older i will still be able to go out and do the stuff i wanted before i had them

all i would say is wait till your feel ready for a baby and to be honest it doesnt sound like you are

 

[Sammylou]

I'm nearly 26, my first son has just turned 5 (he was born just before my 21st) and I'm 11 weeks pregnant with number 2.

My first son wasn't planned, he was a very happy accident, we both wanted kids but at that time I was only on a temp contract, OH was in a very low paid job and our house was TINY! But we coped.

This time we are better sorted, better house, Hubby in a better job.

All I would say is that so long as there is support there from family and friends that there is nothing that you CANNOT do BECAUSE you have a child. Alot of things become much more difficult but nothing is completely impossible - I know of people who have travelled round the world with children!

I don't think you sound as if you are 'ready' to have a baby, but I wasn't ready to have my first son - I just got on with it and I wouldn't have changed a thing if I could go back!

 

[Pink_Tinks]

I got pregnant at 21 and had Harriet when i was only just 22, OH was 21 (toy boy... haha joke)

we do feel that we are young parents, and maybe the timing wasnt great, but on the other hand it was great timing and we love her to bits!
We brought a house last Feb, due to move end of June and found out i was pregnant mid June. we didnt plan to have a baby, and if we had found out i was pregnant before we put the deposit on the house we wouldnt have got it.
We're also both in very stable jobs, OH has a company car and is on a good wage so were doing well

I do get the times when i think 'oh i could be out with my mates doing this or that but instead im washing baby sick off my trousers again' but then i think i am more than happy and i do have the perfect life and family

I was soooooooooo ready to be a mum and would change having Harriet for the world


if you have doubts, then dont do it.

 

[2ndtimeAbz]

I can really relate to your dilemma, my little girl is 3 now, I fell pregnant when I was 19, academic high flyer - off to india to teach english before going to university. Everyone expected/wanted me to have an abortion and just carry on with life.
Obviously I didn't, but all the same I never even wanted to have any children until that point. Now I wouldn't change a thing, being a mother has completely changed me, it's fantastic and wonderful and bloody hard work! I also work full time and within 3 years I have become a retail manager with a team of 7 staff. So also consider that baby doesn't equal no career, just maybe a different one than you originally thought (I was looking at architecture!).
Anyway, this is what I say to people, before you have kids, do everything else you want to do first, travel the world, have fun, see the sights. You can do it after, but with children everything is 10 times more complicated. On the other hand, when Maddy is 20, I will only be 40 and my DH 43. so we can go travelling together!

Don't know if this has helped, but go with your gut, if there are other experiences you want from life, go get them first! but don't be ruled by what society expects from you

Abz x

 

[xolily]

i wouldn't give Laila up for anything in the world BUT i do wish i'd waited abit longer - it's not so bad cos all my friends have kids too, but i've only been on one holiday on my own etc and think there's so much more i could have done! but i've got Laila now so no boozy holidays for me