anyone ambivalent feelings? is this even normal?

[tinybutterfly]

this is embarassing actually....
especially considering the type of forum this is, but i hope somebody
can relate, has been through this...

i've always wanted kids, no doubt about it...
it was alot stronger a few years ago and last summer,
but after TTC for half a year and having no luck, i kinda lost all the
romantic feeling i ever had about getting pregnant, the pink clouds and
whatnot... i seriously see them drifting away from me.
i'm almost 24, by no means "old" to have a kid, yet i feel like my time has
passed, i always wanted to be a young mom, before i'm 25...
so i kinda need to hurry if i want to make that happen

but lately i'm feeling.... sooo uninterested (but still interested enough to make a topic about it).
yet if a friend gets pregnant i cry (bc i'm still not)...

and also...and this is going to sound sooooooo rediculous...
i'm really afraid i'm going to think my baby is ugly and not want it,
i'm seriously afraid i will not love it...
that i won't have any motherly feelings towards it...

and worst of all...this is based on the fact that....
i raised our pet cat since he was a few weeks old, with a bottle,
making bottles, washing up a bit, potty training....
for me...honestly, he is my first kid and he behaves accordingly
but really, i love this kitty soooooo much... i'm afraid i've given him all
my motherly feelings, and now i can't for the live of me imagine that
i could still feel the same for a child, i really can't...
i used to be able to do that, imagine a child and love it...
now i can't,
seriously... what if i love our cat more than our child?
how fucked up would that be?!!!!!!!!

it bothers me..alot
it makes me think i shouldn't even be a mom to begin with

please tell me i'm not a nutcase

 

[Alexas Mommy]

All I can say, is that to the mother, even if the entire world thinks the baby/child is homely, she will think that her child, is the most beautiful baby in the entire world! And motherly instincts do kick in pretty quickly-mine did as soon as I knew I was pregnant! Also, I know what you mean about your cat as your first "baby" I too had a cat, who I considered my baby, I loved him to death, and always said I would never love another cat as much...I never was concerned about not loving my baby, but I am sure there are some people out there with the same thoughts. While you will still love your cat the same, it is a different love for your own child, so try not to worry about that, because I am sure it will all come naturally to you

 

[CamoQueen]

You know, I had the same fears when I was TTC and even when I was pregnant -- what if I didn't love my baby? What if I resented him? Ambivalence over whether I was doing the right thing. I can honestly tell you that life with your baby will not be all rosy and perfect all the time, but even when it isn't, you will love that child with a ferocity that will surprise you. I remember giving birth and seeing his wrinkly little face for the first time and being in awe of how much I loved this just-born thing. It just kicks in, I think, whether you expect it or not.