I need to vent... I need to get out these feelings before I go NUTS!
I don't meant to offend anyone going through this also and by NO means do I mean to come off rude or nasty when I say the things I'm going to say...
but I feel so cheated!
I am 25 years old, why the heck is this happening to me!?!
Women look at me when I'm at the RE office for appointments like I shouldn't be there, like I'm a baby myself and I don't belong there... unfortuniately I
am apart of the club no woman wants to be apart of
DH and I started TTC since 2009... I was only 22!
Looking back at all the doctors who blew me off and said
"...you are too young to be worrying about this..."
"...there is nothing wrong with you, you shouldn't even be worrying about having babies yet..."
"...we'll schedule these tests in 12mo...lets give it another 6mo..."
GRRRRRRR!
It pisses me off so much! Maybe if they did something about the pains I was having, maybe if they stopped blowing it off as just ovarian cyst ruptures and actually did what my most recent GYN did (lap. surgery) they would have realized that those weren't cyst...what they thought were cyst were in fact my tubes inflammed due to scar tissue surrounding them. My GYN cleared it all out and my HSG in Aug. revealed a perfect uterus and my right tube in fabulous condition and my left tube in good condition (they had to tilit and turn me before the ink went through the tube)...but I the longer it takes to get my BFP, the more IUI's don't work...the more my anger comes out.
Not just at the medical aspect, but also with the people who treat their kids like crap...do drugs...have multiple children while not being able to provide for the ones they already have...having children outside of their marriage...It all makes me mad!
I come from a very large italian family and all of my siblings has children...and they all have had most (if not all) of their children outside of marriage and/or with multiple people... each of my siblings have had at least 1 abortion (2 of my sisters had 1 abortion each, one of my sisters had at least 2 that I know of, 1 brother has had (not by his choice) at least 5 of his children aborted, and my other brother has had at least 2 that I have been told about... mind you they all have living children and could pop out more if they so desired like a pez dispenser). This drives me crazy... I did it the right way! I got married...my husband and I support ourselves...why isn't this happening for us!?!?
For the last 3 and a half years I have never broken down, never blew up like this...I have always stayed positive and have always maintained that this
IS going to happen, we will be blessed with our baby(ies)...it's just a matter of when. But now, 2 cycles into a 6 cycle plan - moving onto cycle 3, I'm getting discouraged...
What is my life going to be like not having my own children to raise?!
I have dreams still to reach...goals still to obtain...a life still to live...this I know, but never once when dreaming those dreams, setting those goals, or planning that life did I ever have to imagine a house full of children not being a part of it.... until now